


The Younger Stark

by allytherandomizer



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Character Death, I'm sorry if I forgot any - Freeform, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mentions of Ideologically Sensitive Material, Multi, Please tell me if I did, Suicidal Thoughts, There are so many characters, Torture, Traumatic Experiences, mentions of trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:14:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 40
Words: 62,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23867362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allytherandomizer/pseuds/allytherandomizer
Summary: This is an MCU Reader Insert throughout the majority of the movies that was previously published on DeviantArt. It is a revised version of that story.You are SHIELD Field Agent _____ Stark, codename Mimic. After your parents died in a car crash when you were four, your brother Tony placed you in the care of Peggy Carter and ceased all contact with you. You'd buried the hatchet, given up on your brother, endured your own hardships, became a super-soldier, discovered you had magic powers, and finally found yourself in your current position at SHIELD, where you built strong friendships with your fellow agents, particularly that of Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton, and Phil Coulson. You were content with your life as it was.And it would have stayed that way had your brother not announced to the world that he was Iron Man. On live television. When he was explicitly told not to do so.
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton/Laura Barton, James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Sharon Carter/Steve Rogers, Somewhat Natasha Romanov/Reader, Somewhat Steve Rogers/Reader, Wanda Maximoff/Vision
Comments: 26
Kudos: 233





	1. "Whelp, There Goes My Life."

You and Clint had been basking in your success on your latest mission (that took three months of exhausting as hell undercover work), only for your celebratory mood on the quinjet to evaporate upon seeing your boss pop up on the screen, looking even grumpier than usual. 

Director Fury stared you down as he said, "Agent Stark, your brother has made one hell of a mess of things."

Remembering Phil's mention of having to keep an eye on your brother, your orbs narrowed as you asked, "Sir, what exactly did he do?"

Seeing your genuine perplexion, he sighed and brought up the feed from Tony's latest conference. As soon as the words, "I am Iron Man" left his mouth, you gritted your teeth in an attempt to keep control of yourself, lest your magic goes haywire while you and Clint were thousands of feet into the air. The bow wielder placed a hand on your shoulder as he murmured a small "Oh boy" under his breath before Fury said, "You know what this means, Agent Stark. Your brother is going to have to become a part of SHIELD whether you like it or not."

After giving your boss a dumb nod, the screen turned black once again. 

Releasing a few bits of magic here and there to keep from turning yourself into a ticking time bomb, you stood up and muttered, "That bastard's in for a beating as soon as I see him."

Your friend just chuckled as he asked, "Can I have popcorn while I watch?"

Seeing the irked look on your face, he raised his hands in surrender before saying, "It'll be okay, _____. Nat and I have got your back. And we all know that Phil just might let it slide once if you end up punching Tony in the face."

You chuckled and responded, "Thanks, Clint. I just hope that this doesn't turn into a disaster... Anyway, enough about my brother. How's the homelife been?"

"Same old shit, just a different project. Anyways, we were in the middle of celebrating a job well done. I say we continue doing so after we report in. And beforehand too." 

Shaking your head at his antics, you asked, "Burgers and Brews or Munchies and Movies?"

"Burgers and Brews, of course. Who do you think I am?"

"Why did I even ask?" you sighed out before the two of you had a fit of laughter at your ridiculous antics. Before long, you and Clint indulged in mocking the people that you'd had to blend in with, much to the amusement of your quinjet pilot. Feeling better at being able to be more than someone with a stick up her ass to gain the trust of those that you had infiltrated, you were glad that you had one of your best friends along for the ride, especially since Coulson was on "Tony Control" and Natasha was sent who knew where for her mission a month before you and Clint had been assigned to your own, and Sharon was who knew where at the moment.

You were almost surprised at how quickly you'd returned to HQ and made your way to Fury's office, but Clint had that effect on you. As soon as you finished your reports, the single-eyed director dismissed you, so you and the bow wielder parted ways to change into some normal clothing and met back up at the entrance, only for a certain redhead to be standing by a car waiting for the two of you. You smiled as you embraced Natasha and said, "Nat! You have no idea how much we've missed you!"

"I've got a good estimate. Burgers and Brews?"

"Of course. Clint never picks Munchies and Movies."

He simply wrapped an arm around each of your shoulders and said, "What can I say? I'm easy to please."

You and Natasha rolled your eyes as the three of you got into the car to head to the usual bar, which, you had to admit, had some amazing food. Especially after a long mission that consisted of you not being able to eat anything that you genuinely enjoyed in three months. And with the super-soldier serum in your veins, it was even more difficult. Your poor stomach had done nothing but hate you in that time, and so you were hoping that this reward would get you some brownie points again.

Em would be laughing at your misery if she was still around.

"_____? You still with us?" Nat asked, and it was then that you noticed that you'd arrived at the restaurant. Quickly unbuckling your seatbelt, you made your way out of the car, gave the redhead a weak grin, and responded, "Sorry, Nat. It's been a long mission. I guess it's finally caught up with me."

Her small frown told you that she didn't quite believe you. But she knew that you would only talk about it when you wanted to, and so she said, "Then let's get some of your meal in you before you pass out."

Nodding in thanks, the two of you followed after your friends and sat at your usual booth as you and Clint relayed your wild tale of a mission, getting more than few chuckles from Nat. The three of you spent the next few hours catching up and playing a game of "Deduce the Patrons" before you called it a night, waving Nat and Clint off as the redhead drove him home before you made your way into a nearby alley and created a Sling Ring portal home.

Upon arriving, you leaned against your bedroom wall and sighed upon seeing the dust that had gathered. Making a mental note to clean within some point this week, you made your way to your bathroom to get ready for bed. As you did so, you looked at your reflection and saw the broken young woman from just after you were discharged from service. Shaking yourself out of it, you muttered, "No reason to bring all that up again with everything going on. If I have to deal with Tony, I can't be doing this to myself."

Hell, that was the first time in years that you had even said your brother's name. You took a deep breath and made your way into your comfy bed, your exhaustion finally catching up to you when you instantly fell asleep.

Your life was pretty much the same cycle in the years to follow, and you had to give Fury credit for keeping you and Tony nowhere near each other throughout the whole time that he had been a prospective person for the Avenger Initiative, only to end up as a SHIELD consultant. 

So when your phone rudely woke you up at 3:30 a.m., your immediate thought was that Tony finally did something really stupid and you were going to be heading to a hospital.

Quickly answering it, you instead heard Agent Coulson say, "_____, we're going to need you to come in."

"Phil, whatever it is, it can wait until a decent hour. I just got home three hours ago."

"I'm sorry, _____, but Director Fury wants you back at HQ ASAP."

You groaned before muttering that you would be there in half an hour, purposely grabbing the keys to your motorcycle and driving there out of spite (and giving yourself a chance to wake up a little more), muttering under your breath that Fury needed to stop treating you like you're not human before you end up quitting one of these days. As soon as you parked, you came face-to-face with your boss as he motioned for you to follow after him and went into the building. As you did so, you asked, "What is so important that you had to bring me back in not even twelve hours after I get home?"

Having dealt with your grumpy ass like this on multiple occasions, Fury simply said, "Agent Coulson is bringing in a special guest that he just so happened to fish out of a frozen ocean."

You stopped in your tracks as you asked, "You found Steve Rogers?"

Not even your old man had been able to find Captain America, and he helped found SHIELD.

"Keep up, Agent Stark."

You easily caught up and kept pace with your director as you buzzed out questions, only for him to silence you with one look as he said, "Rogers is still unconscious even after we thawed him out of the ice. Coulson is in charge of making sure that he stays calm once the captain wakes up so that we can explain what happened to him. Your job begins after that is done, Agent Stark. You are going to be integrating him into the world again."

"Why me, sir? Surely there are--"

"Stark, not only do you have a doctorate in psychology, but you have had to reintegrate into the world successfully more often than any other field agent. You have experience and expertise. This is your job for however long it takes. Do I make myself clear?"

His eye staring into your very soul immediately shut you up immediately after the "Yes, sir" left your lips. The two of you eventually made it to the hangar, where you saw Phil rushing out of the freshly landed quinjet, a team of medical personnel following behind him with a face that you'd ever really seen in photos unconscious on the gurney.

Peggy wasn't wrong about how the media didn't do the man justice.

You shook yourself out of your thoughts as you followed after Coulson (after being granted permission from your boss) and the others as they placed Steve Rogers in a room that looked to be ripped right out of the '40s while all personnel filled you in while taking you to the observation room. Before long, all that was left for you to do was wait until the poor man woke up to the shock of his life.


	2. Cap's Up

You had to have the shittiest luck in the universe because, of all the times for Steve Rogers to awaken from his seventy-year slumber, it had to be right in the middle of your lunch break the one time you decided to take it out of HQ. 

Luckily, you’d been on your way back when the blond-haired super-soldier sprinted right past you and out of the parking garage, his less-than-ideal for concrete boots slamming onto the ground with every step he took. 

Instead of possibly scaring the man further with a Sling Ring portal, you decided to be slightly nicer and hopped onto your bike once again and raced after him, muttering into your communication piece, “Seriously? I leave observation once, ONCE, and you people let him run amok in New York.”

“Enough, Stark. We’re sending you his coordinates. God knows with your driving, you’ll be there before we arrive,” your boss responded, to which you rolled your eyes, easily swerving through various taxis and other cars before skidding to a halt directly in front of one Mr. Rogers saying, “Take it easy, Cap. Nobody’s gonna hurt ya.”

As soon as you finished the statement, Fury and the rest of the agents assigned for the good ol’ captain’s sake surrounded the two of you. 

As Fury stepped in, you took in the man actually doing more than breathing and bit your lip to keep yourself from whistling like he was the latest version of your favorite car. You may have been the newest model of a super-soldier, but this man was the original. And with the culture shock, you weren’t entirely sure what his next move was going to be.

Your boss nodded you over, and so you strode your way to the WWII vet, who looked to be debating whether or not he knew you.

And so you gave him your best million-dollar smile as you offered your hand and said, “Special Agent _____ Stark, Captain. I’ve heard more than a few stories about you over the years.”

You could practically see the gears turning in his head as soon as you said your last name. After all, your old man was part of the reason Rogers was able to serve in the first place. So you gave him a bit of a break as he gave you a dumbfounded nod and shook your hand as he muttered his name.

Polite despite the culture shock. I’m a little impressed.

As soon as he let go of your hand, you motioned over to your motorcycle as you said, “How about we get you a decent pair of tennis shoes before you go running again? I know from experience that the concrete here is a killer.”

He gave you another dumbfounded nod as he followed you over to your bike, to which your boss started instructing everyone else to head back to HQ. You got on the bike, Rogers following right behind you as he wrapped his arms around your waist, his slightly shaking hands giving away his nerves. You proceeded to bite your lip once again to keep from chuckling this time.

I am going to tease this poor man so much.

As soon as he was ready, you began to drive back to HQ. And the journey was as silent as New York could get at ten in the morning, so at least the lack of conversation wasn’t awkward. Luckily, you were back in the garage within a few minutes, and as soon as you parked, Rogers hopped off just as you turned off the ignition. You stood up and proceeded to lead Cap to the closest meeting room where the two of you sat on opposite sides of the table as you relayed your location to Fury, who replied that he was on his way in his usual manner. Once that was done, you turned your attention back onto your fellow super-soldier, who looked every part a guilty puppy at the moment. Chuckling, you said, “Fury’s grumpy most of the time and has been long before I worked here at SHIELD. You get used to it.”

“Are you sure? If it wasn’t for me--”

“Captain, it’s fine. In all honesty, I probably would’ve done the same thing if I was in your shoes.”

You gave him a more genuine smile, and boy were you glad to see a small one appear on his face in return as he said, “Please, call me Steve.”

“As long as you call me ____.”

He nodded in agreement and before long, Fury entered the room with Hill and Coulson behind him, the latter almost bouncing on the balls of his feet and rocking on his toes as soon as he stopped walking. You were honestly surprised that he had enough self-control not to outright ask Cap to sign his trading cards. Phil idolized the man, after all.

You listened in on the conversation between Steve and Fury before sitting up a little straighter upon your boss saying, “Agent Stark here will be helping you integrate into the world again.”

You gave him another smile before Fury finished his spiel and left, poor Phil being dragged out by Hill as they followed after him.

Shaking your head at your superiors’ antics, you turned your attention back onto Steve as you said, “I know it’s a lot to take in right now, but if what I’ve been told for years is true, you’re pretty damn resilient. Honestly, between Peggy and my old man, it feels like I know you already.”

“You know Peggy?”

You had to admit, seeing his face light up like that was very rewarding. You just hated that you were going to ruin it as you nodded and answered, “More than you think. She raised me after my parents died, and her health’s become rocky that last few years. And because of all the traveling that I do for work, I haven’t gotten the chance to see her nearly as often as I want. But I’m sure that if you wanted to visit, she’d be ecstatic to see you again.

He agreed wholeheartedly, only to realize the context of what you’d just said as he turned his attention back to the file folder that Fury had given him. Hell, there were pictures of Peggy from just a few months ago in there along with the SHIELD report and newspaper clippings on your parents’ deaths.

You were honestly shocked when he lifted his head to face you again and the first words out of his mouth were, “I’m sorry for your loss, _____. Howard was a good man, and I bet your mother was an amazing woman.”

“...Thank you, Steve. But the Howard Stark you knew is completely different than the one I did. If it wasn’t for my mom, my brother Tony probably would have taken me and ran away. My dad was too focused on his work to pay all that much attention to us.”

“And looking for me,” the super-soldier finished, to which you shook your head as you rebutted, “No. Peggy set him straight on that before even my brother was born. I don’t blame you for his choices, Steve. It was his life and his choices.”

“... If you don’t mind me asking, how did they die?”

“Car accident on their way to the airport when I was four. Tony was getting ready to graduate from MIT, so he left me with Peggy and cut all contact with me. Haven’t heard from him since. But since he’s now a consultant for SHIELD and on the news what feels like every other day, I hear enough to know what he’s up to.”

You hadn’t talked about your family like this since you first started opening up to Nat and Clint, and even that took months of egging on from your therapist. You’d been so full of anger then; now, it had dimmed down enough to make room for sadness.

Shaking yourself out of your stupor, you stood up and said, “Enough about all this depressing crap. We still need to get you some decent shoes.”

Steve chuckled as he followed you out the door and the two of you played 20 Questions, staying far away from family-related queries. In all honesty, you were glad to be given the chance to get to know him beyond a summary of his WWII days. The fact that he was still a complete gentleman and somewhat timid because you were a woman (and he was far from the ladies’ man your father and brother were) made you laugh more than you had in months.

Once you’d managed to grab the captain a nice pair of tennis shoes along with some clothes that people actually wore in this day and age, you waited in the hall for him to change. When the door opened and revealed the man, you gave him a thumbs up and asked, “Think you can handle a trip to Brooklyn?”

Seeing his eyes light up again, you couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped as he asked, “We can leave the building?”

“It’d be kinda hard to help you integrate from here, even with all the tech,” you explained as you once again shuffled into the garage as you pretended not to notice the bit of a hop in his step.

Something tells me that we’re going to be great friends.


	3. Insomnia at its Finest

You and the Star-Spangled Man with a plan somehow managed to survive the Retreat with your sanity intact after your little detour to Brooklyn. How? You still didn’t have a clue but you were thankful regardless once Steve had been cleared to become a part of the world. The first order of business was going through every nook and cranny of New York followed by a similar experience in D.C.

Granted, the journey was longer than what you wanted since you found out real quick that Cap couldn’t quite stomach Sling Ring portals (You’d made a mental note to slowly implement that into his training regimen because it could end up saving his life one of these days). But that carefree grin on his face as the two of you drove your motorcycles around the U.S. was all the incentive you needed to keep your mouth shut.

Steve had taken the majority of the changes in stride, even before the Retreat, and you were proud of him for it. And as much as you missed Clint and Nat, your fellow super-soldier more than made up for it because he understood more than just the science behind what the two of you had in your systems. He lived it every day, just as you did.

You shook yourself out of your thoughts upon arriving back in your apartment in New York after a long weekend in Sandusky, Ohio, because Cap had been curious about Cedar Point and wouldn’t stop giving you that damn kicked puppy look until you told him to pack a bag.

Why the hell did I tell him that their taffy was Peggy's favorite?

It was one of the main reasons why the two of you went in the first place, especially since you'd been visiting her once a month. Her Alzheimer's had been steadily getting worse, but both you and the captain cherished every moment you could get with Peggy, especially when you each got some one-on-one time with her. The best parts of those visits were probably when all three of you were in the room despite the various shades of red both you and Steve would turn as she recounted life stories from two different eras in her life. And she always knew how to make someone smile despite everything that's happened to her.

When Steve asked about her husband after one of your first visits, you said, "Pops isn't one to get out much. And I think it's too painful for him to come to see her like this too often. And Michael and Sarah have tried everything in the book to convince him to come anyway. It's why I'm usually the only one he lets into the house on non-holidays."

"Peggy's kids?"

"Yeah. They're good people. They're just a bit pushy, even when it's not the best move."

You were brought out of the memory upon plopping yourself on your armchair in your apartment and grumbled, "I never want to drive again."

Steve chuckled, having heard it plenty of times after the various drives the two of you had made, especially since it was the single bit of complaining you allowed yourself  simply because it also amused him . You hated how the long hours made your legs pretty much useless once you finally made a pit stop.

The room fell into a comfortable silence as Steve made himself comfortable on your couch, and you were pretty sure that you'd dozed off when he said, "You never really told me how you became a super-soldier."

That woke you up pretty damn quick. Alas, the only indication you gave your friend was your body stiffening for a second before you sat up in your chair as you began, "I told you about Emma, right?"

He nodded, the details about your late best friend fluttering through his mind as he said, "She was quite the woman."

"Yeah. She was. Her death was the main reason why I ended up going through with it."

You took a deep breath and cracked your neck before continuing, "I was so stupid. I didn't even tell Peggy about it until after I was recruited into SHIELD. But I just felt so damn guilty that I couldn't save Emma that I was willing to do whatever it took to make sure that it didn't happen to someone else. But we were in the army; there wasn't an escape from good people dying."

Pausing a moment to regain some of your sensibility, you felt Steve squeeze your knee in comfort. Thanking him, you went on, "This was after the whole Hulk catastrophe, so I was desperate and didn't care what happened. If I died, it was in service. If I lived, then the U.S. got a new super-soldier."

"How did they do it?"

"There was a hidden file in one of my old man's business models and someone other than my brother cracked the code without him even knowing. Using that, SHIELD replicated everything that they could from your experiment, only advancing the technology when necessary. Unlike the Hulk though, my side effects were dormant for a while."

"You mean your magic?"

Your only response was a nod, as that was all that you could muster. The screams and cries of that day still haunt you even in your waking moments. 

"_____, what happened?"

And there was the question that you dreaded. But if anyone deserved to know, it was Steve. After all, you were the one (and possibly only) person he trusted in this whole world at the moment, as much as he tried to place the same faith in others.

So you sat up straight, looked him in the eye, and said, "You remember Fury mentioning the village explosion in Iraq in 2009, right?"

At his nod, you took a deep breath and continued, "I was the cause of the explosion. I'd been captured and tortured for about a month straight. Turns out that it was part of the group that had kidnapped my brother the year before. As much as I tried to repress my pain, it all eventually came out as the blast."

You then turned your attention to your coffee table, waiting for Steve to digest the information. All that he did once he had was clap a hand on your shoulder as he thanked you for telling him, to which you waved it off saying, "I'm starting to think that Fury assigned us together for more than one reason. It took my therapist almost six months to get me to talk about that, and you did it in five minutes."

Those blue eyes gleamed as he responded, "I'm here if you need me."

"And vice versa. And if I ever find out that you're not coming to me when you need me, I am so kicking your ass."

Steve just laughed as you shook your head before standing with a yawn and bidding the good captain good night as you made your way to your room. The blond followed your example, making his way to the other end of the hall, and for a split second, you could have sworn that Emma was there in his place. 

You were brought out of it when your phone notification went off and chuckled at Nat's message:

**So when am I going to meet the mystery man?**

**When both parties agree and show up on at a planned time.**

You then tossed your phone onto your bed and stared at the ceiling, knowing that this was going to be one of the harder nights. It was times like these that you damned your super-soldier metabolism, as it made sleeping pills about as effective as coffee. 

So rather than tossing and turning all night, you picked up your laptop and played catch up with your written reports on Steve's progress, only to get a call around 3:30 from Peggy's hospital telling you that she had a seizure. You immediately woke Steve up and explained the situation, grabbed your Sling Ring as he got dressed, and followed after him upon going through the freshly made portal. You sprinted past the front desk and straight up to your adopted mother's room, Steve right behind you as he (surprisingly quickly) collected his bearings. As soon as you made it, Peggy's doctor came out of her room and said, "Dr. Stark. Peggy's stable but needs rest. You are more than willing to come back during visiting hours."

"Let me see her charts," you "requested," to which the doctor sighed as she handed the binder over to you, too tired to give you the usual smart-ass comments as you asked, "What caused her seizure?"

"As far as we've been able to tell, Alzheimer's Disease is the main cause behind it. I'm sorry, Dr. Stark, but that is all we know for now. I apologize for the nurse calling you so late at night."

"It's fine. Water under the bridge. Just please... keep me updated." 

After you handed her back Peggy's charts, you made your way to the closest waiting room and collapsed onto the couch. Steve sat next to you, placing a hand on your shoulder as you wiped the forming tears out of your eyes and apologized for waking him up for this. The blond proceeded to wrap his arm around your shoulders as he said, "It's fine, _____. I'm glad that you told me. And don't feel guilty about what you're feeling."

You continued wiping away your tears as you responded, "I know. I just--"

You then received a text from Sarah and sighed as you told Steve that your siblings were about five minutes away from the hospital, to which you called her and explained what had happened. Your sister sighed in relief before relaying the news to your brother, and so you bid them a good night and wished them a safe journey home. You and Steve then made your way out of the hospital and hailed a cab home just as the sun was rising. 

The rest of that week was just as restless for both of you. While you slowly drove yourself mad looking up the most recent research into Alzheimer's, Steve was down in the gym of your apartment building trying to get out his frustration. By the end of the week, you were willing to call it quits and made yourself look decent enough to grab something from the nearest fast food place for you and your fellow super-soldier. You'd made your way into the gym calling out, "Hey Cap! THink a full stomach might help you fall asleep?"

You immediately noticed the broken punching bag and immediately narrowed your gaze onto both your fellow super-soldier and your boss.


	4. Germany, Loki, and Tony, Oh My!

Your eyes immediately narrowed at the sight of your boss as you asked, “Is there anything I need to know, sir?”

“Everything you need to know is in this file, Agent Stark. Have a good evening,” Fury said upon handing you the folder and leaving the premises. Your gaze traveled from the doorway to Steve and back again as you asked, “What the hell was that about?”

“It turns out that we’re part of the Avenger Initiative,” the blond replied as he ruffled his hair and looked through his own file. Following his lead, you skimmed through the personnel files, not all that surprised that Nat or Dr. Banner made the list, especially since you could be just as destructive as the jolly green giant he turned into. You were perturbed on not finding Clint’s file since the three of you were usually a done deal, so you made a mental note to shoot him a text when you had the chance. 

After you skimmed over Dr. Banner’s dossier, you turned the page to the next person and nearly dropped the entire folder as you asked, “Why is Tony still in here? He was taken off of the Initiative years ago. This has got to be a mistake. Or a sick joke.”

“I’m afraid not, _____. Fury told me himself.”

You kicked the broken punching bag more than a few feet across the room before sitting on the ground and muttering obscenities under your breath as you placed your head between your knees. 

There’s no way out of it. I _have_ to see Tony again. Hell, I have _to work_ with Tony for who knows how long. 

Steve gave you a few moments before he walked over and sat down next to you as he said, “Think of it like this, _____. You can finally get some answers.”

“For decades, my answers have been silence, Steve. I accepted that Tony was never going to be somebody who talked things out. But to have to face him again, after all this time--”

“Hey, hey. I’ve got your back. You’re not going in at this alone,” your fellow super-soldier interrupted as he slowly maneuvered himself so that you had no choice but to lift your head from your knees as he continued, “Just like you’ve got mine. We’re in it for the long run.”

You sighed out, “You’re right, like usual. You sure you don’t want to go into politics?”

He chuckled as he stood and helped you up before the two of you went upstairs to pack up and head out. Fury would not be happy if the two of you were late, after all.

You’d arrived on the Helicarrier the next morning, and the first person you spotted was your favorite redhead, so you shouted, “Hey Romanoff! Don’t think you can get away from me without a proper hello!”

She and the man who turned into a jolly green giant turned towards you and Steve as the two of you jogged over, Natasha saying, “Well damn if it isn’t Mimic herself. I was wondering whether the next time I saw you would be before or after you beat the crap out of your brother.”

“Just how bad was babysitting him?”

“What you warned me and more. I didn’t hurt him too much, though. Mostly his pride, just as you asked.”

“Good. I can take all the credit, then,” you responded with a smirk before smoothing it into a smile as you introduced yourself to the timid man and offered him a hand saying, “Agent _____ Stark, Dr. Banner. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

You then introduced them to Steve as the four of you made your way inside before liftoff, you and Nat chuckling at the boys’ shared looks of confusion as you made your way to the bridge, only for your good mood to come to a halt upon spotting an all too familiar figure messing with the crew as you said, “Anthony Edward Stark. Still can’t seem to keep your thoughts to yourself, I see.”

Your brother’s whole body stiffened for a second before he turned and walked over to you saying, “It is you, _____. How the time has flown by.”

“Funny how much over 20 years of radio silence will do,” you responded before heading straight to the meeting room as your boss dragged Tony over while the others followed your lead. You did your best to ignore Tony’s flat out staring throughout the majority of the duration and walked out as soon as you knew what your job was since Phil had been patiently waiting for the chance to talk to Steve. 

The sooner we capture Loki, the sooner I can go back to pretending that Tony and I aren’t related.

Alas, your dear brother had other plans, as he raced after you and attempted to block your path with his own body as he said, “Wait a minute, _____. That’s it?”

You scowled as you moved past him, only for aTony to call out, “Good talk!”

You ignored him, feeling fully justified in the slight bit of smug satisfaction on him getting a lack of a response.

As you boarded your quinjet to Germany, you sat next to Steve and asked, “You okay? I know you don’t have all that great of an experience with planes.”

He chuckled and said, “I’m fine. It’s not like all of those trips were that bad.”

You just shook your head as you made your way to the cockpit with Nat, who murmured, “You and the Captain seem rather smitten with each other.”

“Don’t you start. If Clint hears a word of it, he’ll go all out with the teasing. Where is he, anyway?”

“Fury didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“...”

“Nat, what happened to Clint?”

“...From the reports, Loki used his staff and took control of his mind. We don’t know where he is. All we know is that he isn’t in Germany.”

You sat back in your seat as you digested this turn of events before you said, “We’re going to get him back, right? I can reverse his magic and--”

“We won’t know until we see him again, _____.”

Your eye twitched as you sighed out, “Right. All we can do is wait.”

She placed her hand on top of yours, to which you squeezed it before heading to the back saying, “All right, Steve. Time to go.”

As he made his daring entrance, you took in the area, spotted the good captain and your brother take Loki, down a notch, and made a Sling Ring portal behind the god of mischief, twisting his staff arm until he released it and cuffing him saying, “Sorry sweetie, but world domination isn’t on the itinerary for another couple of millennia.” 

“I thought I sensed someone else with magic. Tell me, why aren’t you corralling these insignificant fools up like cattle?”

“Keep it up, buddy. There’s a matching muzzle with your name on it.”

And so you led him past the two boys while they handled the staff, twisting the god’s dominant arm every so often when he tried to speak along the journey back to the quinjet.

And then Thor had to come from the sky, hijinks ensued, misunderstandings were tentatively resolved, and now everyone was back on the Helicarrier. And while the boys were busy arguing, you made your way to Loki’s cell.

The trickster grinned upon your arrival, to which you rolled your eyes as you walked closer to the glass cage and used a Sling Ring portal to grab a chair and sat down as you asked, “Where’s Clint Barton?”

“Straight down to business, Agent Stark? I see that you take after your director in that regard. And I am quite surprised that Agent Barton refrained from telling me that particular trick of yours.”

“It’s more commonplace than you think, and it’s typically used for transport. Now, are you going to be a good little boy and answer my questions or not?”

Your eyes narrowed as he chuckled and responded, “You’re not even trying to hide your suffering from me, Agent Stark. That is quite the rookie mistake on your part. I almost feel sorry for you. We’re so much more alike than even I first thought.”

“You’re right. But the really sad thing is that I can see just how much potential you had to be as great as your father and brother, and yet, you turned it all away for a throne and Daddy’s approval.”

“Is that not why you went through the super-soldier experiment, Stark? To earn your father’s approval?”

The chuckle escaped your lips this time as you sat back and answered, “See, that’s the difference between you and me. Howard Stark was little more than a sperm donor, and I accepted that a long time ago. I never cared about what he thought of me. As for the man who raised me, my real father, he wanted me as far away from all of this as possible, but he knew that I was going to do what I thought was right and accepted it. And when it came to my brother, I didn’t give a damn about trying to live up to him when he refused to so much as talk to me.”

You crossed your arms as you continued, “You, on the other hand, always sought after your father’s approval. You wanted to be the better of you and your brother. And when you found out that you were adopted, you sought to destroy both of them and take your kingdom for your own.”

“Odin is not my father,” he growled out, to which you simply shook your head and moved the chair to the side upon the door opening to reveal Nat as you asked, “Time already?”

At her nod, you turned back to the god of mischief with a grin on your face as you said, “This has been a rather enlightening conversation, but I’ve got work to do. Play nice now.”

You then closed the door and made your way to the bridge, telling your boss through your commlink, “He’s up to something.”

“Any ideas?”

“He kept glancing at my watch, counting down the time. Someone’s coming to get him. I just don’t know who or how.”

“Romanoff thought the same. Head to the conference room.”

You were about halfway there when the alarms started going off, and so you ran back to meet up with Nat as you heard Fury say, “Stark, Romanoff, keep Loki out of their clutches at all costs!”

You then came face-to-face with a Hulked out Banner and a mind-controlled Clint. Long story short, there was a damage heavy battle, Banner fell out of the Helicarrier, Loki escaped, you and Nat knocked the bow wielder out, and Phil Coulson was pronounced dead. As Nat took Clint to the infirmary, you raced over to Coulson’s last known whereabouts, where Fury stood in your way by the entrance, took hold of you by the shoulders, and said, “Agent Stark, don’t.”

“Let me see him, Fury.”

“I can’t. You know I can’t.”

Your legs gave out from under you as the denial left your system and the tears formed in your eyes. Your boss proceeded to help you stand and walk you back to the conference room, where he left you there as Steve and Tony walked in upon finishing the repairs to the Helicarrier. 

When the two started arguing, you stood and shouted, “Enough! Both of you! Coulson is dead because of every single one of us, so stop trying to argue over who has more blame.”

You sat down and your boss took over, leaving behind Phil’s bloodstained unsigned Captain America trading cards. At that, you turned away from the table and said, “I need to get out of here.”

You made your rounds throughout the Helicarrier before Steve sent a commlink asking for your help. You made your way over to interrogation and saw a closed door before turning to look at your fellow super-soldier as you said, “Steve, is now really the time for hashing it out with my brother?”

“If not now, when?”

“You’ll be in observation? Subdue me if I go ballistic?”

“Of course.”

“Fine. Let’s get this over with.”

With that, you opened the door and sat in the chair across from Tony as Steve shut and locked the door saying, “So Cap threw you in here, huh?”

“Well, with our communication issues practically written in our files, this had to come sooner or later.”

You bristled out, “Wasn’t for a lack of trying on my part. Phone calls, letters, emails, texts, any new way that came up, I tried. You just never answered.”

“Stane told me that it would be better if I didn’t give you any false hope.”

“So what stopped you after he betrayed you?”

“Almost 20 years had gone by then, _____. And you stopped trying after you graduated, so I figured that it was best not to bring it all up again.”

“I found out that you were a hostage for terrorists on the news, Tony. And then you became Iron Man and I had to find out from my boss on the way home from a mission that you went against his orders and told the world. And Pepper Potts was the one that called me to tell me that your arc reactor was killing you after you found a way to fix it!”

“Don’t act like you’re any better! I had to find out from Peggy that you joined the army and underwent the super-soldier experiment, _____! You could have ended up like Banner or worse! And then I hear from Fury about your other powers and your year with this Ancient One or whatever the hell she is to figure out the hell happened in Iraq! Not only that, but it was the damn pirate that told me you’d been an agent of SHIELD long before I even knew it existed!”

“You think I didn’t want to!? You’re the one who abandoned me, Tony! ME! I was four! Our parents had just died! And you left me alone! I lost Mom and Howard and you in a week and I didn’t know what the hell I did to make you leave me!”

You had given up on holding in your tears and let them stream down your face as you continued screaming out, “I needed you, Tony! I lost everything and needed you to help me pick up the pieces and you weren’t there!”

You’d only realized that you stood up after you’d plopped back down in your chair as you attempted to cover your tear-stained face with your hands, only to hear your brother’s chair move and feel his hand on your shoulder as he said, “You deserved a better childhood than I could have given you, Bolts. I was barely an adult. I didn’t know how to take care of a kid, and I knew that Peggy was your best shot and more than happy enough to take you in.”

Your old nickname brought on even more sobs as you sputtered out, “I-I needed you…”

Tony wrapped his arms around you as he said, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, _____.”

Your arms were hesitant as they wrapped around him while you cried into your brother’s shoulder, feeling tears fall on top of your head as you did.


	5. Let's Get Down to Business

You finally managed to gather enough of your wits to pull away from Tony despite just how good it felt to finally have your brother again. You wiped your eyes, took a couple of deep breaths, and smiled as you muttered, "You called me Bolts."

He ruffled your hair as he chuckled out, "Course I did. You think I'd forget that old nickname?"

"Never, Nuts."

He let out a halfhearted groan before the door opened and you spotted Steve and Thor blocking out the majority of the light from the hall. Smiling lightly, you walked over to your fellow super-soldier and pecked him on the cheek in thanks before saying, "Where are Nat and Clint? We've got a god of mischief to stop."

"Allow me to take you to them, Lady Stark," Thor volunteered as he offered his arm. Taking it, you warned Steve and Tony to play nice before letting the god of thunder escort you to your friends.

Steve smiled at your shrinking form despite the blush on his face, glad to see that you were getting back to your old self. He then turned to face Tony as the billionaire said, "You know, Capsicle, you're not too bad. And as much as I hate saying this, thank you for everything you've done for my sister."

"There's no need to thank me. _____'s been a good friend ever since I woke up."

"Yeah, but from what little Romanoff told me while she was my babysitter, _____ was going through a real rough patch. You've kept her here, Rogers. And I'm glad she's got someone like you to lean on."

"So there's more under that armor than a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist?"

"Don't get too carried away there, old man. We've still got a far way to go before we're real friends."

Steve shook his head with a chuckle before following the Wonder Boy out of the room.

You had been listening intently to Thor's descriptions of Loki's various talents with magic before you spotted Clint and Natasha heading into the armory, so you called out, "Barton! No more mind control, you hear me!?"

"Stark! I was wondering where the hell you went!" he shouted before wrapping his arms around you in a quick hug and asking, "Did I miss you beating the shit outta your brother?"

"Not yet," you chuckled out as the three of you made your way into the room and gathered your weapons. Steve and Tony finally arrived just as the archer tossed you your knife pouch while you handed Natasha her shock bracelets while she tossed Clint a spare quiver. You strapped your pouch to your thigh and holstered your guns before slipping on your Sling Ring. Tony seemed curious about the ring, but before he could ask anything, Steve clapped a hand on his shoulder and said, "You don't want to try that anytime soon."

You chuckled as you handed Clint his bow before all of you made your way to the closest quintet, you biting your lip at witnessing the poor agent being told off by Captain America.

You were more than a little relieved to see Banner shortly after your own arrival in New York. You were especially grateful that he Hulked out after seeing all of the chitauri that showed up. You then proceeded to focus on evacuating citizens via Sling Ring, but you had also taken down more than a few of the ugly aliens. And everything would have gone just fine if it hadn't been for the nuclear bomb making its way to the city. As soon as you realized what Tony was doing, Steve took your Sling Ring from you saying, "We both know you going with him will only end up in getting yourself killed."

You were even more grateful for Hulk when he saved your brother from certain doom and raced towards them as soon as they reached the ground shouting, "JARVIS, health stats now!"

Upon receiving no response, you allowed Thor to remove Tony's faceplate before you attempted to check his pulse muttering, "Come on, Tony. You've survived worse."

No matter what you tried, you couldn't reach his pulse point. Feeling the already forming tears, you jumped along with your brother at Hulk's shriek as he asked, "What just happened? Please tell me nobody kissed me."

"You are an absolute idiot, Anthony!" you shrieked as you smacked his chest plate. He just gave you a grin as he went on about schwarma while you and Steve helped him stand. All seven of you made your way to Stark Tower to take Loki into custody before going to the damn schwarma place (Because Tony gets what Tony wants). Before you knew it, all of you had gathered together again to send Thor and Loki off to Asgard, you sticking your tongue out at the latter as you said, "Told ya there was a muzzle."

He just rolled his eyes at you as you clapped a hand on his brother's back before taking your spot next to Steve. Within a minute, they were gone, and so you bid Nat and Clint goodbye before shaking Bruce's hand and nearly being tackled in your brother's hug as he said, "You take care, Bolts. I'll see you soon."

"You too, Nuts. Pretty soon you'll be sick of me."

"Never."

You chuckled before pulling away and following Steve's lead to your motorcycles. After all, your friend still wasn't quite accustomed to the world, so the two of you set off to begin your latest driving adventure.


	6. Getting Back to "Normal"

You and Steve ended up moving down to D.C. to continue working for SHIELD while the New York HQ was under reconstruction. Luckily, the two of you had found your apartments to give each other some well-deserved privacy after being connected at the hip for so long.

You and Tony were still in the process of repairing your shambled relationship, but it was going relatively smoothly. Hell, you’d been one of the first people that he had called and told about his anxiety and PTSD from everything that happened with Loki. Given your educational background, you helped in any way you could. More often than not, all he needed was you on the phone describing the mundane items in your apartment or telling him a childhood tale to help him focus on something other than his anxiety attack. And when he’d told you about Harley while he and Pepper were staying at your place for a belated Christmas, you called the kid yourself to thank him.

Your brother hit your shoulder after you bid the kid goodbye, which resulted in you sticking your tongue out before saying, “I had my suspicions that you weren’t telling me the whole story. Going through something like that always leaves something behind.”

“You seem fine.”

“I’ve gone through a lot in my military and SHIELD careers. My psychiatrist says that my defense mechanisms are so overused that they seem to be normal to anybody else.”

“What was your first event? Iraq after the serum?”

“No. Before that. It was my last term before I was discharged. I was stationed in Afghanistan with my best friend Emma. We ended up deployed and stationed together more often than not. It was supposed to be a regular perimeter patrol with a week left in deployment, but enemy forces ended up taking out a squad to the south, so we raced over to assist… She took a grenade for all of us. I was one of the closest to her when it went off. The enemy forces were taken down just as a squadmate and I managed to get to her and dragged her back to transport, the two of us trying to patch her up.”

You took a swig of your drink despite knowing that your metabolism wasn’t even going to let you get tipsy before continuing, “She had shrapnel everywhere in her body. The majority went cleanly through her heart and lungs. Hell, some even went through her brain.”

Tony placed a hand on your knee, and you smiled in thanks before you went on, “I knew she was a lost cause, but I still tried my damndest to bring her back. But then we reached the med tent and they called TOD, so I was discharged a week later and Fury came to me with the super-soldier experiment as his offer. I accepted it because I… I honestly hoped that something would go wrong and I would end up dead. But then I seemed to be the first success since Cap himself, so I was sent to Iraq, where my damned magic made me into a bomb, still somehow breathing when Nat and Clint found me in the rubble.”

“...Bolts, you ever start thinking you’re better off dead again, you tell me, okay? I can’t lose you again.”

You nodded in agreement before you said, “We’re Starks, Tony. We’re tougher than our pretty faces give us credit for.”

“Had to be with our old man.”

You finished off your drink before thanking your brother, to which he responded, “Don’t go doing any stupid shit, alright? You’re supposed to be the one with common sense out of the two of us.”

You agreed with a chuckle before you stretched your limbs and stood to head to bed saying, “Good night, Tony. Love you.”

“Love you too, _____.”

A week after that, he and Pepper moved into their new place and you returned to work, getting the chance to go on missions with Clint for the first time in what felt like forever. And so he teased you about how close you and Steve had become every chance he got. But you were a good sport (for the most part) and ignored the majority of what he had said about the subject.

Hell, you’d just gotten home from another Burgers and Brews when Tony had called to check in on you and offer, once again, the chance to live fulltime at the newly renovated Avengers Tower saying, “Come on Bolts. You won’t have to pay rent or anything.”

“Maybe I like my independence, Nuts. I’ve got a life here in D.C., you know.”

“You mean you and Cap have lived in D.C. You two just love your alone time, don’t ya?”

“...Have you and Clint been collaborating on this? Because if so, I’m telling you what I told him: That feels wrong on way too many levels.”

“No, I haven’t, and you know I’m only kidding. Just...be careful, okay?”

You couldn’t help your smile as you responded, “I will, Tony. I promise. Besides, Steve and Nat are here too, and you’ve got plenty of people that I can trust to help you if you need it. We’ll both be okay.”

He sighed out, “You’re right. Like usual. Get some rest, _____.”

“Will do. I’ll call you next week, okay?”

“Sounds like a plan.” 

You hung up your phone before hearing your text alert. Lifting it to your face once again, you read your fellow super-soldier’s message:

**Still able to make it tonight?**

**I know you just got home.**

**I wouldn’t miss it.**

**How’s 19:00 sound?**

**Perfect. See you then.**

Shaking your head at your friend, you took a shower, put on some comfy clothes, and began your walk down to Steve’s apartment. It was only a few blocks away, so there wasn’t much use in driving. And Sling Ring portals were banned from Steve’s place after the first time and only time you did so, which resulted in you calling out to your friend only to see the ass of a freshly showered Captain America while he was grabbing a towel from his linen closet. He’d grabbed the towel, wrapped it around himself, and booked it into his bedroom, his face so red that it almost looked violet. And you, being the little shit that you were, fell on your ass onto the floor as you laughed at the absurdity of the situation. 

You chuckled at the memory before arriving at Steve’s building and using the intercom so that you could be buzzed in. Once Steve did so, you made your way up the stairs, passing by one Sharon Carter. She gave you a wink that you rolled your eyes at before the two of you parted ways, her heading into her apartment while you knocked on Steve’s door. A few minutes later, you found yourself staring into puppy dog blue eyes as you smiled and said, “Hey there, Steve.”

He shook his head as he let you in, and your mouth watered upon smelling takeout Chinese. The blond chuckled at you as the two of you sat on his couch and he handed you your usual order and asked, “Does Clint not let you eat regularly?”

“Today was a long one and by the time I was getting ready to make something, Tony called,” you explained after thanking your friend and asked what the two of you were watching.

You and Steve had a long-standing bi-weekly movie night tradition that stemmed from both of your loves for film, and so it served as a nice way to help him integrate into the world. And that reasoning transformed into it just being a good time to spend with each other as friends since work had led the two of you on opposite sides of the world more often than not.

As the two of you made yourselves comfortable, you remembered Nat’s texts while you on your way home and asked, “Is our favorite super spy still trying to help you find love?”

Steve’s head hit the back of his couch as he groaned out, “She’s killing me, _____.”

“Hey, at least she’s suggesting women not completely obsessed with you like Emma was.”

He raised an inquisitive brow at the mention of your late friend, so you explained, “One mention of anything having some link to WWII, and she always found a way to direct the topic right onto you. It got to the point that our COs had to make Cap Jars. I can’t remember how many rounds she ended up buying due to that alone.”

The super-soldier blushed as he asked, “W-Well, did her thoughts ever rub off on you?”

You nearly choked on your food at the question. Luckily, Steve clapped you on the back a few times and handed you a napkin for you to spit it out before you turned to him and said, “As much as I like you, Steve, you were a role model then and practically a brother to me now.”

His blush died down considerably as he responded, “...Good. I thought that I made things awkward between us for a second there.”

Both of you chuckled before your friend proceeded to take a bite of rice. Unable to resist the temptation, you said, “Hell, I always had a bit of a crush on Bucky.”

His rice went everywhere, which made you unable to control your laughter as you rolled onto the floor, landing on your stomach as you gasped out, “I...I’m sorry Steve!... It was...too perfect… an opportunity!”

The blond proceeded to wipe his face free of rice as he took all open space on the couch and played the movie, leaving you on the floor continuing to giggle like mad once you spotted his amused grin.


	7. Damn it, HYDRA

Even with the news report running on loop, you couldn’t find it in you to believe that your hard-ass of a boss was dead. He was Nick Fury; the man couldn’t die no matter what was thrown at him. At least, that’s what you’ve always believed. Hell, he’s the one who convinced you of all people to keep going after Iraq (and ended up with a couple of scars along his back for it). Nick Fury could not be dead.

You managed to snap out of it enough to start packing what you could as you called Tony on a burner phone. You only had a limited amount of time until your coworkers busted down your door to try to leash you like a dog, and you sure as hell weren’t going down without a fight. 

As soon as your brother answered, you rushed out, “SHIELD’s compromised. Keep everyone safe, go under lockdown if you have to. I mean it: Bruce, Pepper, Rhodey, any other Avenger. Don’t do anything stupid and don’t trust anyone claiming to be a part of SHIELD.”

“_____, what the hell--”

“Please just do what I’m telling you to do, Tony. Go into lockdown and don’t trust anyone claiming to be a part of SHIELD until I call you again.”

“Okay, we will. Be careful.”

“Already on it.”

Before he could respond, you hung up, destroyed your regular phone, grabbed the rest of your burners along with your bag, and called one of Nat’s various numbers as you changed your clothes, leaving all SHIELD issued clothing in your closet before checking over your Sling Ring to make sure they didn’t put any tracking devices on it. By the time she answered, you’d grabbed your bag and made it halfway down your fire escape, knowing that every safe house in your mind was now out of the question as you demanded, “What the hell’s going on?”

“I’m sending you the address. Meet us there and we’ll talk as soon as we get somewhere off the grid.”

You checked the address and memorized it before throwing the phone against the wall upon hearing the sirens. You then made a Sling Ring portal and hoped like hell that the address was enough as you hopped through, only to find yourself at the entrance of a mall, your two friends racing after you and making their way to the closest car to hotwire. 

Once Steve had and Nat gave him a little dig, you sat up from your spot in the back seat as Nat filled you in on everything that had happened while Steve drove the three of you to his buddy Sam’s house, only to meet up with Fury and Hill, you practically spitting out, “I knew you weren’t dead.”

“Which is why you weren’t there, Stark. God knows that plan would have gone out the window if you were,” he sassed back, to which you just shook your head before he asked, “What about Banner and your brother?”

“I managed to warn them before making a run for it. Hopefully, they’ll listen.”

You then proceeded to formulate a plan to put a stop to the HYDRA-infested SHIELD and made your way to HQ with Steve. As he and Sam handled the Helicarriers, you Sling Ringed over to the control room and aimed your gun for Burlow’s chest (whilst ignoring at least four of them pointed at your own person) saying, “You really don’t want to try anything right now.”

“HYDRA’s the reason you’re here, Stark. You sure you want to go against the people that made you into what you are today?”

“Fury’s the one that came up with the idea and brought me into SHIELD, you asshat. And last I checked, he wasn’t affiliated with HYDRA. Now, be a good boy and surrender.”

“I’d listen to her. _____’s other forms of persuasion can be quite painful,” Sharon advised, only for the bastard to play dirty.  
You rushed him as soon as he activated the Helicarriers, forming a quick Sling Ring portal into another part of the building and (hopefully) knocking him out before bringing a hand to your ear and saying, “Steve, we’re gonna have to do things the old-fashioned way.”

“Good thing that’s the way I know best.”

You proceeded to evacuate all non-combatant personnel before hearing Steve and Sam coming across problems left and right. Cursing under your breath, you made a portal straight for the last Helicarrier, spotting your fellow super-soldier already heading your way. As soon as he tossed you the device, you booked it to the last terminal, only for Bucky Barnes himself stab you in the shoulder with a dagger. Gritting your teeth at the pain, you managed to flip him over, take the dagger out, stab it into his metal bicep, and sprint to the terminal, calling out over your shoulder for Steve to make sure his best friend behaves himself.

You also had to dodge who knew how many bullets that were flying at you in the process (with more than a few grazing you) in the minute that it took the good captain to reach his best friend and attempt to make him remember his old life. Keeping yourself focused on the task at hand despite the destructive noises and screaming you had for background noise, you did what you had to do and called out to Hill, “It’s done! Do it!”

When she tried to protest, Steve gave her the order again. Sensing her hesitation, you gritted out, “Hill, I’ll worry about getting us to safety! Now do your damn job!”

With that said, you made your way over to Steve and Bucky, only for the platform all of you were on to break, causing you to fall into the water below.

Despite your best efforts, you only just managed to grab onto your fellow super soldier upon hitting the water. Unable to make a Sling Ring portal quickly enough in your exhausted state, you tried desperately to swim upward with Steve in tow, only to feel another person grab hold of your friend and help the two of you break out into the surface and over to dry land. It was only when you’d reached it that you saw who had saved you.

Bucky Barnes stood and began to leave, only for you to call out, “Thank you. If you need any help--”

“Just… keep an eye on him,” he responded as you made Steve lay on his side and cough out all of the water in his system. 

It was then that you heard the sirens, and so you responded, “I will. And if you ever need to contact us, I’m sure you’ll come up with something.”

He just walked farther away, not even acknowledging that you’d continued speaking. And as much as you wanted to follow after him, you had a near-dead super-soldier to help get back to health. So despite your exhaustion, you managed one last Sling Ring portal to the closest paramedics, where you and Steve were put onto stretchers and sent to the hospital. You, being the less close-to-Death’s-door of the two, were questioned by various representatives of agencies along with the police once you were deemed healthy enough to be discharged and interviewed.

While you were more than willing to go to the hearing and testify, Nat insisted that this be something that she did on her own. So you settled for taking turns keeping watch over Steve with Sam. It was dumb luck that both of you had been in the room when he woke up, you smiling softly as you said, “Welcome back to the land of the living, Cap. We missed you.”

He chuckled, and you let the boys have their bro time before you ended up helping your friend get back to his apartment upon being discharged from the hospital. As soon as he was seated on his couch, you said, “Steve, he really did a number on you.”

“How’s your shoulder?”

“Didn’t even need stitches. Don’t worry about me. Just get some more rest.”

“But Buck--”

“Is still alive and somewhere out there. But you need to be healed up just in case he decides to go all Muhammad Ali on you again. I don’t want to be the one to tell Sharon that you ended up beaten to death.”

“So you knew about her.”

“I was the one who recommended her and had my own little watchdog, too. Nick Fury was our boss; hell it was in our contracts.”

“Figures. We haven’t had the easiest of lives, have we?”

“Still, it would be nice to have a little privacy now and then,” you responded, making both of you chuckle.


	8. WTF!?

Once you parted ways with your former boss and your best-redheaded friend and made a few calls to your brother, you volunteered alongside Sam to help Steve find Bucky. And the good captain found a new appreciation for your Sling Ring portals, as it saved everyone a hell of a lot of money that was better used for resources in tracking down the other WWII vet.

And while the released HYDRA and SHIELD files were helpful, decrypting them was a pain in the ass. It was during this time that the three of you had discovered that there were multiple Winter Soldiers, and so your priority job alongside decryption was separating which Soldier did what. And one of the tells for one of the six's missions in recent years was notes regarding a mission that occurred on December 16, but it held no other ties to a specific Soldier. The year of the mission, unfortunately, was never mentioned.

You'd made a tally mark for every time December 16 was mentioned, but you were unable to pinpoint your obsession with that specific date until you came across one of the old articles about your parents' car accident one Google search later. Your eyes widened as you brought up the investigation files and looked for photos and autopsy reports, only to find nothing except reports that matched a little too closely with the details given to the press. Like it was a cover-up for something else. Not only that, but the mentions of December 16 only began appearing just over three months after your parents' deaths

Your eyes widened and the tears made their paths down your face before you could even stop them as you called out for Steve. Your fellow super-soldier raced towards you from the kitchen and asked what was wrong, only for you to point at your laptop screen. He glanced at the newspaper article before he read over the notes that you had made in the Word document and placed a hand on your shoulder. You merely flinched at the point of contact before you stood and bolted out of the door past a razzled Sam calling for you to slow down. 

You ignored him along with your phone blowing up with attempted calls and various texts, your mind a jet plane of jumbled thoughts and half denials.

HYDRA can't be that clever.

Bucky couldn't have done this.

It had to be another Soldier.

Why didn't I see it before?

What the hell do I tell Tony?

That last thought made you halt in your tracks, and it was only then that you realized that you were nowhere near where you were supposed to be. You then sat yourself down on a nearby bench and attempted to collect your thoughts.

Everything I thought I knew about their deaths was a lie.

It finally hit you at that moment, so of course, you realized that you couldn't go back even if you hated yourself for not figuring out which Soldier was responsible. If it was Bucky, then you had no idea what you were going to do. Hell, you were about ready to call your therapist when Sam came racing down with your jacket gasping, "There you are! You gotta be freezing, woman!"

He proceeded to help you in to your jacket, to which you bit your lip to stop from sassing out that you were a super-soldier and could handle a little cool air. Hell, you couldn't even muster enough energy to thank the man, but Sam understood. So the two of you just sat there, your hands slowly lessening in their shaking as he rubbed your back. Shaking yourself out of it, you finally managed to say, "How could my old man not have noticed? How could he have put my mom in danger like that? Did HYDRA think that they knew too much?"

You hated that those were the questions you wanted answers to the most. Hell, you hated yourself for blaming Howard when it wasn't his fault that they died. 

Sam just stayed there with you as your tears slowly dried out. Once you managed to calm down, Falcon helped you stand and walked you over to his car to take you back and let Steve know that you were okay. Upon arrival, you walked straight into your room, unable to look the good captain in the eye as you grabbed your pre-packed duffel bag and Sling Ring.

Despite how much you wanted to just walk through a portal straight into your apartment, you made your way back to the main room and packed up your computer saying, "You two have got it from here, right? You'll be okay without me?"

You finally turned to face Steve upon packing up your laptop. He and Sam both nodded despite the pain in their eyes at seeing you in such a sorry state. You knew that your sudden departure was going to hurt no matter how understanding your reasoning for it was.

Steve embraced you before you could make your portal and pulled away as he asked, "Could you not tell Tony yet? Not until we know which Soldier did it?"

"As long as you tell both of us as soon as you find out. My mom--"

You hated how your voice cracked and cleared your throat before you went on saying, "My mom didn't deserve to die, Steve. And as much as I hate to admit it, Howard didn't deserve to go out like that, either."

"I give you my word."

You gave him one last hug saying, "Keep in touch, Captain."

"You too, Colonel."

You then made your way over to Sam and embraced him too muttering, "You've got to make sure the two of you take care of yourselves, Sam."

"With the super-soldier to regular guy ratio evened out, I think I've got a chance."

You chuckled before pulling away and making your portal. Upon walking through to the other side, you returned your friends' waves until just after the portal closed. Once it had, you plopped onto your bed and cried yourself to sleep.

As soon as you woke up the next morning, you called Tony and asked if you could stay at the tower for a while, claiming that your nightmares were coming up more often again. Luckily, it was enough to satisfy your brother's curiosity as he answered, "Of course you can. You never have to ask, you know?"

"I do. It's just been a stressful year."

"You're telling me. So should I expect a portal or a car?"

"Which do you think?"

"Hey, I never know when it comes to you, Bolts. Come by whenever you're ready. I'll be here all day."

"Thanks, Nuts."

It was only when you hung up that you realized just how much you screwed yourself over with that one, especially when you had no idea how the hell you were going to keep what you just found out a secret from Tony. And if you called back changing your mind now, he would definitely know that something was up. At this point, you were hoping that Steve figured out which Soldier did it quickly.

Sighing at your idiocy, you made yourself look decent, repacked, and Sling Ringed right into your brother's hug, to which you said, "I see I'm starting to get predictable. Time to change that up."

Tony just chuckled as the two of you plopped onto your couch and said, "So, you're not gonna like what I'm about to say."

"What did you do?"

"For once, it was you and Pepper, not me. Remember when you offered to help her make the deal with some of your colleagues on some of Stark Industries' mental health research? Turns out that's tonight."

You groaned and buried your head into the arm of your couch as your brother handed you the dress bag that was hanging in the closet. Taking it, you stood and trudged to your bathroom muttering, "You better marry this woman or so help me, this'll all be for nothing."

Before you could fully close the door and get ready, you popped your head out and asked, "You're coming too, right."

"Of course. I'm not leaving you with a pack of wolves," he responded with a grin, to which you nodded before closing and locking your bathroom door. After taking one look at your greasy hair, you muttered, "Step 1: Shower."

After almost two hours of getting ready, you found yourself frustrated with the damn zipper on the dress, and so you walked out to your living room, a pout on your face as you asked your brother (who had been ready for the past hour and waiting there to make sure you got ready) to zip you up. He did so, making you sigh in relief before the two of you heard a pair of heels walk onto your floor from the elevator. Bringing forth your best smile, you returned Pepper's embrace once she entered the room and complimented her ensemble for the night before all three of you made your way to the elevator to get into the car, you and your brother's girlfriend catching up and going over the plan for tonight.

As soon as you arrived at the restaurant, you let Pepper walk ahead of the two of you as you attempted to calm your breathing, to which Tony wrapped an arm around your waist and murmured, "You okay there, Bolts? You look a little pale."

"The last time I was in a room with these people, they were trying to figure out how the hell I had magic powers, Tony. That's more than enough reason for me to sneak out the bathroom," you answered as you made it look like he was just showing you some brotherly affection.

You only noticed that you'd begun to hyperventilate when he placed his hands on your shoulders and instructed you to look at him. Luckily for everyone involved, you knew why he was doing so and managed to match your breathing with his. Once you'd calmed down, he gave you his signature smirk and said, "Trust me, we're just the eye candy here. Pepper will have that deal before they bring out the entrees, and once she's satisfied, we are more than welcome to make up an excuse, head home, and pig ourselves out on junk food."

Your nod and grin as you took his extended arm was all the confirmation he needed, and so you followed his lead to the table, your colleagues' eyes lighting up upon seeing you doing so well, and they easily melded you and Tony into the conversation, Pepper continuing to work her magic. It also helped that Tony let you hold his hand underneath the table whenever you needed a confidence boost.


	9. Party Time

Even you had to admit that being an Avenger wasn’t as bad as you initially thought it would be. You got to kick bad-guy ass with a whole team alongside you, spend the offtime with people who knew where you were coming from, and for a while, forget about keeping a world crashing secret from your brother as you made happier memories with him. Because no matter how many times you told yourself that you were going to tell Tony (your promise to Steve be damned), you couldn’t do it.

Hence why you were currently shouting at the man directly in front of you on the motorcycle upon spotting HYDRA agents, “You think your bike will last this time?”

“Wouldn’t count on it,” Steve responded, making you chuckle before turning so that your backs were touching as you unholstered your guns and let the bullets fly before the two of you hopped through a freshly created portal closer to the base. You began casting spells left, right, and center, only to bust out laughing upon hearing your brother swear through the commlink and Steve shout out, “Language!”

Unable to help yourself in joining your brother’s teasing as Cap launched you into the air for Tony to catch and bring you into the base, you said, “Leave the old man alone, Nuts.”

“Not you too, _____.”

The rest of the team sniggered at the three of you as the others took down the HYDRA agents along the perimeter while you and Tony made it inside and through the doorway to the secret room. Your brother proceeded to grab Loki’s scepter while you began downloading all of the remaining files when, for some odd reason, you found yourself standing face-to-face with your dead best friend, her skin covered from head to toe in shrapnel as she said, “They’re all going to die, Sneak. Just like me. And it’ll be all your fault.”

You shook yourself out of it as you muttered, “Nightmares are haunting me when I’m awake now.”

“Everything okay, _____?” Nat asked, to which you responded, “Yeah, just lacking a little sleep. I’ll be fine once I’ve had a good nap.”

“You sure?” Clint asked, to which you sighed out, “Positive. Any other questions, Pops?”

Upon seeing the files securely downloaded, you ejected your drive and turned back to Tony saying, “Got it. Ready to head out when you are, Nuts.”

He seemed to come out of his own daze as he turned to face you and answered, “Yeah. Right behind you.”

“Lot of good that’ll do if you’re not in your armor.”

He shook his head as if to try to snap out of it and walked back to his armor. Tony then took ahold of you and sassed out, “Keep all limbs within the ride at all times,” and blasted his way out, to which you screamed in delight throughout the journey to the quinjet.

Upon arriving, you landed directly into Thor’s outstretched arms and thanked him with a sisterly peck on the cheek before you made your way up to the cockpit to help Nat get ready for lift-off since Bruce was already snoozing away and Clint was currently nursing his wound. Before joining your redheaded friend, you and Steve shared a look before directing your gaze elsewhere before Tony would notice. It was bad enough that you were keeping the truth about your parents’ deaths away from your brother. You didn’t need to make him suspicious of anything on top of that.

You and Nat complimented each other on a job well done as the two of you got the machine into the air (though you were really there to keep her company than anything else), and once you had, you patted your friend on the shoulder and said, “I’m gonna get some shut-eye. Wake me up again when we’re back home.”

“You got it.”

“Hey, look who decided to join the party!” Clint grunted out upon you walking towards the bunks, so you shot back, “You just keep breathing. If you end up dead because of this, I’ll bring you back just to kill you again.”

He managed a pain-filled chuckle before he responded, “Go to bed, Stark. You’re not nice when you don’t get enough sleep.”

“When have I ever been nice?”

You didn’t really hear his response because the moment you’d hopped onto the bunk above Bruce and made yourself comfortable, you were out cold.

Luckily, Steve had been the one to wake you upon reaching the tower, giving you a humored grin when you stretched your arms toward him and mumbled, “Carry me.”

Always the gentleman, he obliged you as he placed one arm under your knees and the other around your waist as you wrapped your own around his neck and snuggled your head into his chest and fell right back asleep. Steve just shook his head at you before telling Maria that he would meet up with her as soon as he took you to your room. The former SHIELD agent just gave him a grin and said, “Take your time, Boss.”

Steve blushed at the implications behind the grin and tried to stammer his way through an explanation, but she was long gone. Tony just shook his head as he told the First Avenger, “You know, it’s okay to admit it, Cap. It’s not like _____’s gonna hear you.”

He scowled at the older Stark teasing him as he responded, “You know that’s not how it is between us.”

“Yeah, but it’s way too much fun teasing you two about it for me to stop.”

Tony and Bruce then made their way to the lab before the blond super-soldier could retort, which led to Steve sighing before he took you up to your room. Once he’d set you on your bed, he unlaced and removed your boots before covering you in your favorite blanket. Shaking his head at your childlike innocence at that moment, he then made his way down to talk to Maria.

The only reason you’d woken up had been because of your brother having JARVIS set an alarm for you to have just enough time to get ready for the party. And despite your intense want to remain in bed, you knew that Tony would drag you out to mingle anyway. So you went to your bathroom and took a shower. Like clockwork, Natasha was knocking on your door as soon as you slipped on a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt since you still had to get your makeup and hair done. Once you called out that it was open, she took a glance at the navy blue one sleeve ensemble and gold heels alongside a gold bracelet, Sling Ring for one hand, and your mother’s pinkie ring for the other. It was the only thing that you had of hers, which is why it was locked in its own little pocket dimension when you weren’t wearing it.

Nat braided your hair to the side opposite of the sleeve of your dress and placed some gold flower clips to finish off the look before she moved onto your makeup. Keeping it natural for the most part by merely enhancing your features, the shade she chose for your lips was a few shades darker than your natural color. When she had finished, you smiled at your reflection in the mirror and said, “I have no idea how I survived undercover missions without you, Nat. You were always way better at this sort of thing than I was.”

“It helped that we took all that time to plan, now didn’t it?” she countered as she helped you into the dress. You chuckled, turning to her once it was zipped and saying, “Clint always makes fun of my guide binder, but he never complains about the results.”

She just rolled her eyes at you and your mutual friends’ antics. You and Clint enjoyed your play flirting because it was just how the two of you clicked and you would die before you ruined his relationship with Laura. Especially after everything that happened with your own ex--  
You shook yourself out of those thoughts and thanked your friend as she clasped the bracelet on your wrist. You then proceeded to put on your rings and heels. Giving your reflection one last smile in the full-length mirror, you took Nat’s proffered arm as the two of you made your way to the elevator and you asked, “Hey JARVIS. What time is it?”

“Just in time to be fashionably late, Miss Stark.”

“Thanks, J.”

“Of course, Miss Stark.”

You chuckled as the elevator stopped and opened, revealing the two of you to all of the guests as well as the rest of the team. You and Nat then separated to mingle, and upon reaching some of the boys, you made a 360 as you asked, “Well, what do you think?”

Steve nearly dropped his beer, which made you giggle when Sam rolled his eyes and said, “You look great, _____.”

“My sister looks better than great, bird brain. She’s gorgeous,” Tony remarked before you could thank him for the compliment, bringing Rhodey in tow. You rolled your eyes at your brother’s antics before embracing his best friend as you said, “It’s good to see you, Rhodey.”

“Pleasure’s all mine, _____. It’s nice to know that there’s someone else around that can keep an eye on Tony.”

“If we didn’t take shifts, none of us would be alive.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” Clint remarked, handing you your usual drink as you accepted it, raised an eyebrow, and said, “I thought you were injured.”

“Gotta love modern medicine,” was all he said, making you shake your head as you took a sip. Maria then called you over to a few influential people that wanted “to get to know you,” so you sighed, plastered on your best friendly smile, and said, “Take your bets on how long I’m gonna last now, boys. I’m going in.”

You really couldn’t blame them for doing it. It always gave you a bit more incentive to last at least a few seconds longer than the previous occasion since you always ended up getting half of the share of the winnings. 

You proceeded to shake hands with the local corporate head and asked, “How are the kids doing, Malcolm?”

“Other than the fact that they keep asking me to get your autograph, perfect little angels.”

“To the point as ever, I see.”

“I have to be in order to be a voice of reason in my profession, dear. But it’s always nice to see that my efforts are noticed.”

After signing the photos that he presented you, small talk merged into an actual conversation and it continued as such for the next hour until one Natasha Romanoff pulled you onto the dance floor. Seeing her eyes glazed in distraction over thoughts of a certain big green giant, you twirled her around once, bringing her attention to you as you said, “Let’s make Banner want to kick his own ass.”

She shook her head at your antics as she let you take the lead. Despite how much you hated undercover work, the one aspect you enjoyed above all the others was dancing. Peggy had started teaching you when you were a little girl and it went on from there.

As the next song began, you gave the spy a wink as you led her in the tango. Most of the other dancers had left the floor to take a break, which gave you all the room you needed to do what you had to do to get one Bruce Banner to grow a pair. And it helped that it made your friend smile genuinely for the first time in weeks. It didn’t hurt that your normally subdued Stark charm usually came out full force whenever you got the chance to dance, either.

Ending the routine by dipping your friend, you then pulled her back up so that the two of you could curtsey your way through the applause before making your way off of the floor and straight to the bar to get something to drink. Clint came behind the two of you and wrapped an arm around each of you as he said, “I think you got quite a few people hot and bothered out there.”

“Not like we can help it,” you remarked with a classy grin, making him snort into his drink.

And so the shenanigans continued and upon the guests leaving, you found yourselves seated together and taking turns to see who was worthy of Mjolnir. You followed Natasha’s example in refusing to try, laughing out loud as you said, “I don’t need to make a fool of myself to prove how unworthy I am.”

Tony’s attempt at a puppy dog pout, though admirable, failed as you patted his head saying, “If Steve’s puppy eyes can’t get to me, you’re a lost cause, Nuts.”

“Is there no heart under that tough exterior, Bolts? You wound me.”

Rolling your eyes as you sip your beverage, you watched the others take their turns, enjoying the lighthearted and peaceful atmosphere, only for it to be ruined with Ultron’s appearance.


	10. Yes, Clint's a Farm Boy

So with a killer robot on the loose, you ended up at Clint’s farm, wherein you and Nat made yourselves at home as Clint greeted and introduced Laura to the rest of the team. As a result of your brother’s smartassery on the “agent” comment, he received an elbow in the stomach, courtesy of you. The kids then raced over to greet their dad and two favorite aunts, and you returned the hugs tenfold as the tears formed in your eyes. You had been unable to see these kids in over a year with everything that had been going on, and so you missed them like crazy, but the reasoning for this visit made a pit of guilt form in your stomach. So you put on a brave face as they caught you up on everything that you’d missed as you gave Laura a hug and Nat asked, “How’s little Natasha?”

You cackled upon seeing the bit of guilt on Laura’s face as she responded, “She’s Nathaniel,” pointedly ignoring Nat’s scowl on both you and Laura’s stomach as she muttered, “Traitor.”

“This is why I said I’d be honored if they ever had a fourth,” you sassed before Lila turned your attention onto her as she said, “Auntie _____, you gotta teach me how to ice skate like you!”

“Your dad found those old tapes after all,” you muttered, glowering at your friend who raised his hands in surrender and responded, “You never said I couldn’t take them.”

“Then you must have gone completely deaf the moment I said that those would never see the light of day again.”

“Wait a minute. You have embarrassing videos of my little sister and you never told me about them. Now you have to send them to me,” Tony interrupted, to which the archer replied, “I’ll include the dance recital ones, too.”

You and Laura both sighed before the two of you respectfully whacked one upside the head and punched the other in the arm before you turned your attention back to your little niece and said, “Next time I visit, I promise we’ll go to the closest ice rink.”

“Pinky swear?”

“Pinky swear.”

You sealed the deal as such before Cooper led you over to show you the progress he’d made in his latest project. And so you settled with keeping the kids (and yourself) occupied as everyone else went off in different directions. Quite frankly, you weren’t going to be any help in mediating between Steve and Tony at this point, and Nat and Bruce needed to figure out what the hell they were to each other before you could help at all on that matter, and Clint and Laura needed as much alone time as they could get, and Thor had gone who knew where.

Hence why you settled for staying out of everyone’s way and spending some much needed time with your little niece and nephew. That is until you heard the door slam shut and saw Steve in the doorway, the look on his face making you more on edge than you’d like to admit. Quickly excusing yourself and making sure that the kids were occupied, you walked to another room in the house as you said, “You know that Tony didn’t mean for any of this to happen, Steve. And I know that it’s hard, but give him some slack. Ever since New York, he’s felt like the weight of the world’s on his shoulders and his PTSD only enforces that mindset. Hell, I’m surprised that he hasn’t called it a day and started drowning himself in booze again.”

“He could have done something--”

“We all could have, Steve. But we didn’t. We made out choices and now we have to live with the consequences. He let the Maximoff girl messing with his head get to him the day we retrieved Loki’s scepter. Hell, I almost did myself. And you know how that feels after our last encounter with her and her brother.”

Upon him shutting up, you patted him on the shoulder and took your leave saying, “We’re all a lot more alike than we want to think, Steve. That’s why we’ve worked so well as long as we have.”

You were almost out the front door when he called out your name. Turning to face him with a raised eyebrow, you listened to him say, “Sam and I still haven’t figured out which one did it. I’m sorry it’s taking so long.”

“You’re trying. That’s all I can ask for,” you responded with a nod, unable to shake off the guilt in his eyes upon what he’d said. But this was Steve. He wouldn’t lie to you, especially about something as important as the identity of the Winter Soldier that killed your parents. Shaking yourself out of it and blaming it on the lack of sleep, you made your way outside and into the barn, the familiar sounds of machines being worked on directing you straight to your brother. As you came up to the tractor and spotted a familiar pair of feet, you asked, “Need some help there, Nuts?”

“You really just want to hand me tools?”

“I’ve become quite the expert in your various verbal cues, so I think that would be for the best. Especially since Cooper and Lila still haven’t learned how to use the words shit, fuck, or bastard.”

“What kind of a parent doesn’t intentionally teach their kids that?”

“A normal one.”

Tony then made his clicking noise for the wrench, and so you handed it to him without another word, repeating when necessary.

He was just about finished when Fury decided to show up.


	11. Bad Robot

So after receiving your lovely pep talk from your former boss, Nat being kidnapped by a killer robot, and the Maximoffs coming over to your side, your brother figured that making another possible killer robot was the best bet. Lo and behold, this one didn’t blow up in his face.

So here you were on your way to Sokovia, sitting next to the woman that tried to mess with your already very screwed up head. Upon spotting her shaking hands, you covered them with your own, giving her a smile when she looked to you and told her, “You don’t have to do this, you know. We wouldn’t blame you.”

She then locked gazes with her brother for a few moments before she responded, “It is as much my fault that Ultron was created as it is your brother’s. I must do something.”

Nodding and giving her hand one last squeeze, you returned your hands to your person upon hearing that you’d arrived. Taking a deep breath, you made your portal through the floor of the quinjet and said, “Remember: civilian safety is our priority at the moment. We don’t need Ultron getting a head start.”

With that, you jumped through your portal with a wave and landed onto one of the streets of the city closest to the center. You put up various portals as you directed the various people to safety, calling into your commlink, “Anybody got a clear reading on just how many people we have to evacuate?”

“No idea, Bolts. Just keep going. Whatever it is he’s made, it won’t be pretty.”

You looked over Tony’s scans of the city on your watch for a few seconds, letting out a low whistle as you said, “You better ground him for life for that, Nuts. That thing is far from a toy.”

“How bad we talking?” Steve asked, to which you answered, “Something that goes way too far down into the earth for me to feel comfortable.”

“I’m running more diagnostics as we speak. Whatever it is, I don’t want to see it powered up,” Tony remarked.

Your focus returned to evacuating citizens as you observed Wanda using her powers to direct them through your portals, already feeling the strain of having so many open at once. 

These people are getting as far away from this city as possible.

As soon as your sector was cleared out of civilians, you asked Steve, “How’s it coming on your end?”

“Traffic’s piling up more than I want, but they’re slowly getting out of the city.”

“You sure you don’t need me?”

“Don’t strain yourself too hard, _____. We still have the fight to get through.”

Rolling your eyes, you responded, “Getting innocent people to safety is more important, Steve. If you need me, tell me.”

“Okay, Lovebirds. Enough heartfelt concern. _____, my sector’s running behind and we’ve got robots. As soon as you’re done there, I’m gonna need you.”

“Got it, Clint. Heading there now.”

You turned your gaze to the female Maximoff and held out your hand upon making another portal asking, “You ready?”

She took it and sprinted through with you just in time for you to throw a rock against a building. Clint smirked as he sassed, “Took you long enough, Little Stark.”

“When we’re done, you’re going to pay for that,” you muttered as you grabbed your knives while Wanda focused on protecting the remaining civilians. Seeing that she had that handled and you were starting to run on fumes, you focused on defeating Ultron’s army.

And then the fucking ground started floating and Steve got himself into a bit of a pickle. And so you flipped off the Maximoffs and Clint’s knowing smirks while running off as the latter said, “Go make sure Cap doesn’t become a pile of goo. We’ve got it from here.”

You ran like a bat outta hell toward your friend as you asked, “What do you need me to do, Cap?”

“Turn Ultron’s forces into scrap metal.”

You chuckled, saluted, and hopped over the nearby debris, throwing a knife into a robot that tried to sneak behind a newly freed Nat. Taking a quick glance around the area, you realized that there were far too many civilians still in the area, and so you put up the few portals you had the energy to form and directed them through, stabbing, slicing, and shooting any Ultron forces that came within five feet of them. That is until you were tossed into the side of a car. Your portals disappeared as soon as the last people that had made it were through, and that still left you with dozens of terrified people, at least. Knowing that you were out of your magical reserves, you said, “We’re going to have to keep evacuating the old fashioned way. I don’t think I could make a portal big enough for a mouse at this point.”

“You did what you could. We’re too high up for any more people to be able to survive hopping down.”

You sighed and resorted to taking down the damn robots, the occasional additional gun being found, and used until it ran out of ammo. By the time you’d gotten through the first wave, you were running off of pure adrenaline and Tony still hadn’t found a way to lower the city without a satisfactory solution.

Luckily, Fury had managed to arrive right on time, as per usual. And so you lead civilians to the provided transport just as you spotted Rhodey flying and taking down any stragglers. Chuckling, you said, “Glad to see you finally made it.”

“Like hell, I’m gonna let the two of you die without trying to save your asses.”

Your gaze turned to Nat, smirk on your face as you tapped off the full transports to get going. Once everyone in the sector was evacuated, Tony finally came up with a solution, and so you made your way over to the spire. There was no way in hell that you were going to let Ultron get anywhere near that device.

Upon temporarily subduing his forces, you and Steve went off to find stragglers while Wanda watched over the core. Nat and Clint squeezed your shoulders, the former planting a quick peck on your cheek before they made their way to the last of the transports. As soon as you and Steve completed your sweep, your knees gave out as a coughing fit overtook you. Steve raced over and rubbed your back as you wiped away the blood in your mouth and said, “Guess that took more outta me than I thought it did.”

“This is why you don’t overuse your magic?”

“My reserves were purposely limited, and so I’m affected more than the standard magic-user. I’ll be fine if we survive this. I just hope Tony gets the shot he needs.”

Steve easily picked you up and wrapped your arm around his neck as he wrapped one around your waist, the two of you stumbling your way over to your own transport as you chuckled out, “You’re one of my best friends, Rogers. Where the hell would I have been if you hadn’t come into my life?”

“Now I really do know you need medical attention.”

“I’m serious. If SHIELD hadn’t found you when they did...I’d have driven myself insane at some point. You’ve kept me grounded, Steve. That’s not something...just anybody can do.”

He stopped, looked you in the eye, and said, “You recommended Sharon for more than her qualifications, didn’t you?”

Chuckling, you responded, “I know she can love you the way you deserve to be loved, Steve.”

He shook his head at that before he brought his lips to yours. For a few blissful moments, you returned his kiss before he turned off both of your commlinks and said, “I had to do that at least once in my life.”

You nodded in agreement, glad that he understood that you couldn’t find yourself opening your heart to him. Once you’d regained control of yourself, both of you turned your commlinks back on and arrived at the boats. He set you down onto one of the seats and directed one of the medics to take care of you as he looked around for any more civilians, only to hop onto the edge of the damn transport at the last minute. Ignoring the medic attempting to treat you, you dived down and pulled your friend up a safer distance from the edge muttering, “You’re not dying on me now, Cap. No way in hell.”

The two of you were pulled up even further from the edge, you being chastised by your medic as you waved him off saying, “Take care of the civilians first. I’ll be fine.”

“You have blood all over your mouth, Stark.”

“I also have super-soldier serum in my veins. Now take care of the civilians.”

He shook his head but did as he was told after giving Steve the necessary supplies saying, “See if you can get through her thick skull, Cap.”

You shrugged at your friend’s glower, ignoring the flinch in pain from doing so as you said, “Most I need is rest for a couple of days.”

“You look like you were run over by a bus.”

“If you remember, I was thrown into a car earlier.”

Steve shook his head as he patched you up despite your protests, and so you sighed as you resigned yourself to your fate. As soon as you’d gotten back to base, you were hooked up to a bunch of machines and put under observation. And so two weeks of bed rest (and going stir crazy) later, you were finally allowed to move about the compound. You found yourself wandering the halls aimlessly before you came across Steve, Thor, and Tony still going on about Mjolnir, making you chuckle as you said, “Let it go, boys. It’s for the best.”

Thor nodded in thanks as Tony said, “You were supposed to be discharged next week. How’d you get out early?”

“Gave the med staff hell, of course. I was going insane laying in that bed 24/7. No thanks to you, Rogers.”

“Says the woman that was suffering from internal bleeding and refused to let the medics do their job.”

You shrugged before bidding the three adieus in order to let them continue their guy talk, and so you found yourself standing next to a familiar redhead as you said, “I get that there’s a lot that goes on in your head, but it would have been nice to have you visit once. Even Clint made the time before he went home.”

She chuckled and responded, “You don’t need me there to coddle you. Steve and Tony were more than enough for that.”

You leaned your head against her shoulder as you asked, “Any luck in finding him?”

“None. And with stealth mode on, we have no way of tracking him.”

“What is with the men on this team and being unable to properly communicate?”

She chuckled at that before the two of you heard Steve make a smart ass comment, making you chuckle at his and Nat’s banter before you offered the two your arms and said, “Come on. Let’s go train some newbies.”


	12. The Accords

You’d found yourself bouncing back and forth from the compound and tower more often than any other member of the Avengers (although, seeing as you were the designated mediator in regards to matters both big and small, it wasn’t much of a surprise). And with Tony’s presentation at MIT coming ever closer, you had planted yourself in the latter for the last month to help him any way that you could. So you’d taken a backseat on missions and started running other aspects of your organization more efficiently.

Tony needed you now more than ever, especially after he and Pepper had a falling out. So here you were, backstage and giving various thumbs up in support. And if helping him with this alleviated your guilty conscious the tiniest bit, all the better for you (although it didn’t alleviate anything in the slightest). 

You’d wanted to kick yourself so many times for chickening out on telling him what you’d found out about your parents’ deaths. But then his anxiety would act up, or your issues would result in you having a minor breakdown, or a fucking idiot tried to take over Times Square four times a week, and you’d lose all the nerve that you’d built up to finally bite the bullet and tell him.

Bringing yourself out of your inner turmoil, you gave Tony an encouraging smile and another thumbs up before he continued with his presentation, only for you to spot his face falling upon seeing Pepper’s name show up on the telegram. As he finished and made his way off the stage, you stopped the apologizing student saying, “It’s alright. We were hoping she’d be able to make it too.”

You then followed your brother to the elevator, took his hand, and squeezed it before you said, “Hey. I’m proud of you. That was some good that the world needs right now.”

He squeezed your hand back in thanks with a weak grin, only for your sibling moment to be interrupted upon your phone going off. You apologized, only for Tony to wave it off, to which you shook your head as you walked a fair distance upon seeing the caller ID and answered, “Hey, Sharon. How’s everybody doing?”

“She wants to see both of you, _____. And I don’t know how much time she’s got left.”

Taking a deep breath, you responded, “I’ll be there soon. Can you tell Peggy to be stubborn just a little longer?”

“I’ll do what I can.”

“Thanks, Shar.”

“You’re family whether you like it or not, Stark.”

You bid your goodbyes and proceeded to call Steve, only for it to go straight to voicemail. Glancing at the ceiling, you said, “If anybody is listening up there, please don’t come to get her just yet.”

With that out of the way, you made your way back to Tony, passing by a woman muttering something that you couldn’t quite catch. Upon reaching the elevator, your eyes widened at the look on your brother’s face. When you asked what happened upon getting into the giant metal box, he stuttered out the woman’s story.

Hugging him, you kept an arm around your brother as the two of you made your way straight to the car when he asked about the call. Your whole body stiffened before you got into the car, put on your seat belt, and made your way out of the garage, your hands turning white around the steering wheel as you said, “Peggy’s not doing so well. And I tried calling Steve, but it went straight to voicemail. I know that this is the last thing that you want to hear right now--”

“Bolts, it’s okay. I’ll be fine for a week. You go visit her.”

You squeezed his hand in thanks after parking and the two of you made your way to your hotel room.

As soon as you woke up the next morning, you went straight to the hospital, and upon finding Peggy’s room, you were nearly suffocated from all of the Carter Clan’s hugs. As you turned your attention towards Sharon, you asked if she’d been able to contact Steve. Upon receiving a negative, you sighed and attempted to call him once more, only to go straight to voicemail yet again, so you left a friendly message of “Rogers, I get that you’re probably in the middle of a mission right now, but at least call back if you’re not going to answer your goddamn phone.”

Once you’d hung up, you took a deep breath and made your way into the room of the woman that raised you.

Peggy smiled softly as she asked, “Is that the Captain America hat that I bought you for Christmas all those years ago?”

“The very one. I thought I’d bring it just in case Steve couldn’t make it today. Sad to say I was right.”

“Sharon already told me. Now, how are you, my dear? How is Tony?”

“We’re doing well. His MIT presentation went off with only a small hitch. How about you?” you asked, placing her hand between your younger and stronger two as you sat in the chair next to her bed.

“I’ve had better days...Your father would be so proud of what the two of you have accomplished.”

You stiffened despite yourself. It wasn’t her fault that Howard wasn’t the best father, but it didn’t make talking about him easier, so she wasn’t surprised when you said, “There’s not much to be proud of, then.”

She chuckled before a yawn overcame her, and so you said, “I’ll let you get some rest. Don’t want you to be too exhausted if Steve makes it.”

Her smile turned sad as she said, “Nobody’s found him yet.”

You simply held her hand as you responded, “He’ll be here before you know it. He owes you that dance, after all.”

“You say that every time, Howard.”

You weren’t going to lie, that was a blow. But you proceeded to exit the room as calmly as possible, and once you were on the other side of the door, you saw how pale Sharon had gone and turned your attention onto the nearest television set, the latest newsreel covering the latest Avengers mission before you got another call. Upon seeing that it was Tony, you answered it, but before you could get a word out he said, “You need to get back here as soon as possible. It’s all hands on deck and Ross is the man in charge and wants as many of us together ASAP.”

“On my way now,” you said before ending the call and giving Sharon a hug saying, “Keep an eye on her. Call me if anything happens.”

“I know the rules. Go, _____. Before they start thinking the worst.”

You made your way through your portal straight to the tower, where Tony handed you some professional clothing as you raced to the bathroom to change. Once you were presentable, the two of you made your way straight to his car to think up possible strategies and preemptive arguments. Upon arriving, you were led to a meeting room and advised to sit down. Steve, Natasha, and Wanda were already there alongside a few others, and you embraced the Maximoff to provide her with a little comfort. She returned the brief hug so that you could take a seat across from Steve. And upon Secretary Ross coming through the door in the flesh, your face paled. Sure, Tony had warned you, but you expected a video chat.

This is not going to end well.

And you were right. You sat there listening to him berate how the Avengers functioned before he turned his attention straight onto you and asked, “Colonel Stark, do all members of the Avengers know what happened in Iraq in 2009 after you went through the super-soldier experiment?”

“Yes, Mr. Secretary.”

“Have any of them seen the footage or had firsthand experience?”

“Natasha and Clint saw the damage first hand since they had been sent after I failed to report in, and if the others have, then I do not know of it.”

“Why don’t we show them?”

Before you could even utter a protest, the screen came to life with the SHIELD footage of what occurred. There, on the hacked camera feed, was you, nearly beaten to death with all of your limbs locked down as you sat in your cell/interrogation room. The man that had been questioning and torturing you had said, “You can end it all right here and now, Stark. Just tell us where your brother is, and it’s all over.”

“I’ve already t-told you that I don’t know. I haven’t s-seen him in years.”

One of his lackeys then came into the room, bringing with him the intel that changed the bastard’s goal. Even with him facing away from the camera, you could remember the grin on his face and shuddered at the memory only to nearly jump out of your chair upon feeling Tony’s hand interlace with your own, his grip tightening as he continued watching the footage. Stealing yourself, you turned your gaze back to the screen just as the fucker said, “So you’re Captain America’s attempted replacement, Stark. So sad to see that the United States picked such a weak little girl to be their new hero.”

“There's no such thing as heroes anymore,” you managed to cough out and, true to your Stark nature, go on saying, “I’m just one of m-many. Do you think that the U.S. would be s-stupid enough to only have one super-soldier made a-again? You must be dumber than we thought if...if all you think you have to do to gain an advantage is kill me.”

Steve’s wide eyes centered on you, so you shook your head and mouthed, “Bluff.”

His shoulders sagged in relief as he turned back to watch the rest. And so the big boss circled you before coming to a halt to your left as he said, “I’m not going to kill you, Stark. I’m going to turn you into my little weapon.”

His lackeys proceeded to lock your head into a device before the man started drilling into your head, and that was the very last thing he did due to the explosion of magical energy that resulted in the decimation of the underground base and the village above it.

You turned your gaze away from the screen as the dust leveled out while everyone else witnessed you laying in the middle of the crater you created, Nat and Clint arriving and racing down, holding you steady because of your injured state as the latter called in for a SHIELD transport. Your gaze remained on your lap as Ross switched the footage to New York, Sokovia, and what felt like every other mission until Steve told the man that it was enough.

When Ross finally left, you took a deep breath as your gaze narrowed in on your hands instead, unable to look anyone else in the eye right now. In your silence, Steve and Tony proceeded to argue over the Accords, your brother telling everyone about the poor kid in Sokovia before he turned to you for help. Standing up, you paced around the room for a few moments as you attempted to think. 

Once you found your answer, you turned to the group as a whole and stated, “I can see both sides, but there have to be some changes made if we’re going to be trusted. And if this is what needs to happen to gain that trust, I say we do it. We can work to change and get rid of them altogether with time and patience. But fighting the UN now is going to destroy the Avengers. We may not even last a year that way.”

“So you’re willing to give up your right to choose? A right that you nearly died countless times?” your fellow super-soldier asked in disbelief.

“I don’t want to sign them any more than you do, but you saw the footage, Steve. Our methods have killed thousands of people. I’m practically a nuclear bomb. The UN has more than enough evidence that our tactics are endangering the people that we are trying to protect.”

You leaned against the wall and continued, “I can’t just go at it guns blazing anymore. If it comes down to it, I’ll hang up my suit and work to make the changes myself. Just don’t divide us like this, Steve. We’re at our strongest when we’re together.”

Upon seeing that you weren’t getting through that thick skull of his, you stood up straight and made your way to the door saying, “If you do something stupid now Rogers, we’re all deader than doornails.”

With that, you left the room before anyone could stop you.


	13. Hello, Depression. You Weren't Missed.

You’d recognized the footsteps of the person following you to the elevator easily catching you within the metal box just as the doors closed. Sighing, you turned to your friend and said, “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, Nat.”

“You’re trying to keep everyone together because you’re right in the fact that we’re strongest that way. If Steve can’t see that and suck it up, that’s his problem.”

“If Steve doesn’t go through with it, we’re up shit creek without a paddle. You know that.”

“I do. But that doesn’t mean we can’t try to fix it as we go. You’re the one that taught me that..._____--”

“I don’t think that this is something we can fix at this point.”

You pulled the emergency brake all Gibbs-style and slid down the wall until you sat with your head on your knees. Your dear redhead sat next to you and intertwined her hand with yours as she said, “Come on, _____. Tell me what’s going on.”

You managed a broken grin before bumping the back of your head against the wall as you sighed, “My life’s become a soap opera. Peggy’s practically on her deathbed, everything with the Avengers at the moment, the fact that I feel like being completely honest with my brother will just make things worse. I’m driving myself insane and I don’t know what course of action’s the best anymore.”

She then wrapped her arm around your shoulders, muffling your cries as your tearstained face buried itself in her jacket as she ordered, “You know what you’re going to do. You’re heading straight back to Peggy’s hospital to spend as much time with her as you can, and then you’ll make your decision about the Accords. And then we’ll all take it from there. Together. Now, let’s get you to the garage so you can get started.”

You pulled away far enough to nod. Natasha was right, as per usual. You both stood, Nat deactivating the emergency brake and letting the two of you reach the garage. Giving your friend one last hug, you Sling Ringed straight to your place, packed a bag, and made another portal directly to Peggy’s floor. Upon reaching the door to her room, you froze upon seeing everyone in your family in tears, only to finally hear the machine going off. Both of your Carter siblings pulled you back as you attempted to race towards the woman that had become your mother.

Not her. Not yet. Please. 

Your body dropped like a cement block when her doctor called out her TOD. Your siblings somehow managed to drag your dead ass weight to a nearby chair, but you merely stared at the suddenly very interesting stain on the carpet. Hell, you barely even heard Sharon trying to get you to come out of it. Hell, you only somewhat snapped out of it when she said, “I’m gonna tell Steve, _____. Okay?”

The most you could do was give her a dumb nod.

The very next day, you retired as an Avenger.

Even you don’t know how you kept yourself together planning her funeral, but here you were, sitting next to Sharon as the service was in full swing. Once she’d finished her eulogy, you were called to the podium. Stealing your nerves, you took your position, your gaze landing directly onto Steve as you said, “There’s not much I can say about Peggy Carter that you don’t already know. What I know is that when it came to the people that she loved, there was no stopping her.”

“I remember back in middle school when I was the central target for every bully within a three-mile radius. My late childhood friend measured out the distance herself. And believe me when I say that I used every trick in the book to try to convince Peg--Mom, that I was fine. That all came to an end the day I came home with a sprained ankle, two cracked ribs, and a black-and-blue face.”

“Now, instead of the everyday mom who would start sobbing, she made me sit down, look her in the eye, and tell me every single person’s name that led to this attack within the last year. Then she put her heels on, grabbed her purse, and told Pops to take me to the hospital.”

You let a smile spread as you continued, “Not even two hours later, there’s a line outside my hospital room. Every single one of those kids and their parents was there, and they all walked up to me and apologized. Hell, most of them meant it. Nobody could ever figure out how she did it. Hell, it’s an urban legend at that hospital now. Just ask some of the nurses.”

Everyone in the room shook their heads, more than a few chuckles escaping. Wiping away the few tears that escaped, you finished out with, “If there is anyone in the world that deserves some peace, it’s Peggy Carter.”

You then turned to the coffin, placing that old Cap hat inside before making your way back to your seat. The rest of the service went by in a blur, and somehow you and Steve ended up alone in the cathedral together. As you gathered your belongings, you said, “Whatever it is that you think you need to do, don’t die, okay? I don’t need to go to another funeral any time soon.”

You took one step when your fellow super-soldier embraced you, halting your body immediately.

Seeing that he wasn’t quite ready to let you go, you returned the embrace as you murmured, “I’ retired. The world may still need to be saved, but it’s just going to have to go on without me. I can’t do it like this anymore.”

After another moment, he pulled away, a watery smile on his face, to which you patted him on the shoulder as he said, “Take care, _____.”

“You too, Steve.”

Finally released from his hold, you made your way to the car waiting to take you to help the family you had left, only to spot a familiar redhead out of the corner of your eye. Whatever it was that Nat thought would convince Steve to sign the Accords wasn’t going to work. It was why you’d said your goodbyes when you did.

The drive to your hotel was silent, and so when you finally made it to your room, you were too drained to even attempt a portal, so you called your brother. When he asked how you were doing, you said, “Just keep talking, Nuts. I can’t handle the silence right now.”

He started listing off the elements of the Periodic Table, making you smile softly as you laid on your bed and listened to your brother’s softened and soothing voice. You don’t know how many hours you stayed like that, but when Tony finished, you thanked him. He just gave you a soft chuckle and asked, “Now how are you feeling?”

“Like my whole life has been meaningless. I’m starting to think that I should have just signed the Accords. The Avengers are my family too, whether I like it or not.”

“Hey, you’ve got normal family problems to deal with right now, Bolts. It’ll do you some good to have some of that again. And we need as many reasonable voices on our side as possible.”

Despite your shitty mood, you managed to chuckle at his antics before asking, “What’s going to happen to Steve, Tony? You and I both know that even if he does retire rather than sign the Accords, it won’t be for very long.”

“Your guess is as good as mine. But Capsicle’s not your problem, _____.”

You snorted this time, making your brother chortle as he responded, “Tell you what. As soon as you get home, we’ll go all out on the sad movies and junk food. I’ll even tear up a little.”

“I’m holding you to that...And Tony? Thanks.”

“Any time, _____.”


	14. Fucking Hell, Rogers

“Why is it that I am the only one who seems to be able to follow protocols?” you murmured as you observed the whole airport battle on your television screen. And all this shit was over Bucky Barnes, of all people.

You highly doubted that he was the one responsible for the explosion in Vienna because that wasn’t typically his style, even while he was a puppet for HYDRA. You should know; you’d poured literal months of your precious time into those reports.

But you no longer had a vote because you retired, so you knew that voicing your opinion on the matter wouldn’t do shit to stop Tony from following Ross’ orders in regards to bringing the poor man in. Hell, both he and Steve had recruited new fighters alongside the latter convincing Clint to join the fight on top of it.

And neither one attempted to reach out to you.

You gritted your teeth, shutting off the television and leaving the living room in a huff, much to the disgruntlement of your nieces and nephews. Well, at least until they realized that you weren’t going to be showing up to the fight to get everybody to sit down and attempt to talk this shit out.

Your legs automatically took you through the halls straight into your childhood room, where you plopped onto your bed and spent who knew how long just staring and counting the specks on the ceiling. If Steve had been so willing to recruit Clint, who had a family to raise, to come right back onto the field on the risk of never seeing them again, then why wouldn’t he even bother texting you?

And Tony. Surely if the situation was this bad, he could have convinced Ross to let you fight on his side. After all, you were the only one following the rules. Why would he not even consider--

A knock on your door snapped you out of your thoughts, and upon saying that it was open, you heard your aunt come in and say, “Dear, you can’t blame them for wanting to keep you from choosing a side. They didn’t ask you for a reason.”

You sat up with a sigh as you ruffled your hair and said, “Being on the sidelines doesn’t help all that much either. Why did I think that retiring was a good idea?”

“Because you’re the only Avenger with a chance at making real changes with the Accords. You know when it’s the right time to take a step back. And you may be a Stark, but that is something that you learned from Peggy.”

“...I still can’t believe she’s gone.”

“All the more reason for you to be here. Give it some time, dear. Everything will work out. Now, let’s get some food into you.”

You followed her lead without another word. And upon finally getting your family back into some sense of familiarity after a few weeks, you returned to your apartment since living in the tower was now out of the question. You were retired, after all.

As soon as you had showered and changed into some clean clothes, you made your way over to your brother’s place. Upon reaching the door, you knew that something bad had happened. Taking a deep breath, you used your key and called out for him, only to find Tony sitting at his desk in his office and giving his window a blank stare as he asked, “So you knew that fucking Barnes killed Mom?”

Your eyes widened, your backpack dropping to the floor as Steve’s guilty looks from just before Ultron onward flashed through your mind.

He fucking knew it was Bucky. Probably figured it out not very long after finding the file.

Your brother finally turned his gaze onto you as he asked, “How long did you know that it wasn’t a goddamn car accident, _____?”

It was then that you finally realized that the fucker spilled the beans on you too. You were going to kill Rogers.

Before you could do so, you took a deep breath and explained, “We found the initial report when we started researching to find out as much as we could about Bucky, only to come across the files of multiple Soldiers. I didn’t know that Bucky was the one until now.”

“You still knew that a Winter Soldier was responsible and didn’t tell me. You--”

“You think I wanted to find out how I did? I was perfectly fine believing that Mom, that they, died in a car crash, Tony. I wanted to tell you, God, I did. But I didn’t, and I’m sorry. So if you want to call up Ross and have me arrested, go on and do it. I’ll walk out of here cuffed and everything. Hell, I won’t even resist. But don’t you dare try and put the blame on me for a man that was used as the weapon, Tony. Do not try to turn me into the one that killed them.”

His mouth was moving, but the sound wasn’t coming out, and so you stared him down before he snapped his jaw shut and you went on saying, “I tried to tell you because the moment I told Steve fucking Rogers that I was going to keep my mouth shut, I was lying through my damn teeth. But every time I finally got the balls to do it, one of us would end up in one mess or another, and I know that it’s a piss poor excuse. I’m sorry, Tony. I should have told you, and I didn’t. And I know that it’s not going to fix anything because I fucked up.”

He didn’t even blink, and after a few more moments of agonizing silence, you picked up your backpack and left without another word, taking a portal straight to the alley next to your building. Quickly making your way to the lobby, you grabbed your mail (consisting of one bill and two small packages), you then took the elevator up to your floor and stalked down the hall to your apartment, slamming the door shut upon finally getting inside (and more likely than not going to receive a noise complaint about it). Somehow having enough self-control to set your mail on your kitchen counter rather than toss it, your back slid down your fridge as you broke down into tears, letting out silent screams of frustration and pain and guilt and who knew how many other emotions you’d bottled up over this whole ordeal. Hell, you felt like you were drowning yourself.

Tony had hardly said a damn thing, which made you feel even worse. Screaming at you would have given you something to work with; silence didn’t give you a damn thing.

I deserved it though.

Upon coming to this realization, you finally managed to finish out your breakdown. Once you’d regulated your breathing again, your gaze turned towards the packages still sitting on your island. Slowly standing on shaky legs, you opened the first to reveal one of your latest online purchases before turning your attention onto the other package. Spotting the returning address as your old apartment, you tore it open and gently shook out the contents to reveal a disposable phone along with a letter containing the handwriting of a man that you wanted nothing to do with ever again. Instead of tearing the letter to shreds, however, you unfolded and read:

_ _____, _

_ If you haven’t burned this letter already, I’m grateful. Just knowing that you’ve given me this much of a chance is more than I could have wished for.  _

_ I am sorry for hurting you, _____. I know that you’ll find it hard to believe, but I never wanted to harm you or Tony. But Buck is family, and I’d do anything for him.  _

“You made that much clear,” you scoffed out before returning to reading over:

_ But I didn’t have to betray your trust, and I did it anyway. I found out that he was the Soldier that killed them about a month after you’d left, and I never told you. And I made you promise not to tell your own brother what you did know on top of it. Maybe if I had, things would have been different. But we’ll never know.  _

_ I understand if you can never forgive me, ______. But I want to do right by you from now on. It’s the least that I can do for you. And Peggy would never forgive me if I left you drowning without a life preserver. _

_ Just know that if you ever do need me, I’m a call away. _

_ Love, _

_ Steve _

You were very tempted to throw the phone across the room. However, you also knew that you’d hate yourself forever if you did. Just because you couldn’t forgive the man now didn’t mean you wouldn’t at some point in the future; you’d learned that one the hard way. So you placed the damn phone in a safe place that you could still hear it if it went off before you laid on your couch curled up in a blanket.

You’d spent the next month with little to no contact with anyone, mostly because at least half of your circle was on the run or going to court (with you being allowed nowhere near the proceedings) and the other half probably hated you, were recovering from their injuries, were off-planet, busy with their own problems, or a combination of the aforementioned. 

Hell, you barely left your apartment. Part of you was dumbly wishing that Steve would call just so you’d have something to do; the majority of you still wished him a miserable rest of his existence. You’d even started taking phone appointments with your therapist again if only to try to untangle the mess that your mind’s become with recent events. It only helped so much, though. You knew that you’d have to actually become a part of society again at some point in the future and start all over, but the good doctor advised against doing so until you felt a little more yourself.

Dr. Jackson Sleuth had been your therapist since about six months into your position at SHIELD. And if it hadn’t been for him, you doubt that you’d have gotten back up on your feet more than a few times. 

You’d noticed that he seemed to be half asleep during some of your calls (and knowing the man hated napping with a passion, thought that he had to be in a different time zone), but when you’d asked if calling at a better time for him would benefit the both of you, he would wake up as if he had three shots of expresso and tell you that he refused to go back on an over decade-long promise to always be your listening ear.

Chuckling at the latest occurrence, you murmured, “Jack, how do you expect to continue to be able to take care of my mental health when I’m interrupting your REM sleep?”

“I’m taking care of myself, _____. No need to worry.”

With that, you bid the man goodbye and summoned enough energy to get up and take a shower. The heat and steam served to ease the soreness in your underused muscles and before you knew it, the water had gone cold and you heard an unfamiliar ringtone going on incessantly throughout your apartment. 

Quickly pulling on a pair of sweats and a sweatshirt, you trudged over to your little hiding spot for Steve’s phone, saw the number flashing, took a deep breath, and answered it saying, “If this isn’t the end of the world you better leave me the fuck alone, Rogers. Or I may reach my breaking point and hunt you down myself, Accords be damned.”

The other end of the line remained silent for so long that you thought you’d actually managed to scare the blond super-soldier off, only for him to say, “Bucky needs your help, _____. The people I’ve found for him are at a standstill, and he doesn’t trust them. You’re about the only person with the expertise that I think he will trust.”

“What the hell makes you think that he’ll trust me with anything?”

“...Buck knows that you kept what really happened away from Tony.”

Having traveled to your kitchen to get a glass of water in an attempt to calm yourself, you ended up throwing the glass against the wall as you responded, “Now my brother won’t even talk to me, so thank you very much for telling him that I knew all along, Rogers. It’s so fucked up that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to mend our relationship this time. Now, for the love of what little good is left in this world, kindly fuck off.”

You hung up, nearly slamming the phone to pieces when placing it onto your island. Pinching your nose, you took a deep breath and made your way over to the cleaning closet to grab a broom and dustpan to clean up the mess you’d made, only to hear the phone go off again, making you mutter, “That fucking bastard.”

“I could just report it into Ross and have him deal with it, but no,” you grumbled as you grabbed the phone and answered it. 

Before you could get another word in, Steve rushed out, “You can hate me all you want. Hell, you don’t have to talk to me at all. Just please help him, _____. He’s just as much a victim as they were.”

It seemed to be your turn to be silent for an ungodly amount of time as you thought over the shitty situation and everything that led to it. Realizing that you already knew what you were going to do the second that you heard the ringtone, you stated, “There are going to be rules. If you break a single one of them, I am done. End of story.”

“I understand.”

“Good. We’ll go over them once I reach my destination. Now, do I have to wait for a mysterious jet at a designated time and place, or am I allowed to use my Sling Ring? The only one that could really track me is Stephen Strange, and he’s pretty secretive when it comes to what I get up to.”

You could vaguely hear him discuss the matters with someone else before he answered, “Sling Ring.”

“Good. Now, where the hell am I going?”

“I believe that I will be able to tell you, Miss Stark.”

Shaking your head upon hearing the Wakandan accent, you responded, “Make it fast, Your Majesty.”

T’Challa began to give you the visual cues that you could use without having to know the specific coordinates, and upon finishing his little spiel, you were well on your way into making your portal and walking through. Upon reaching the other side, you spotted the King of Wakanda standing next to the man you despised and called out, “Somewhere like here?”

Both turned to face you just as your portal disappeared, and so you cut the greetings short upon asking, “Where is he?”


	15. Officially Meeting Bucky Barnes

“I’m starting to see a pattern with you WWII vets,” you muttered as you looked through the one-way mirror of the observation room, your leg tapping a mile a minute in impatience. 

Steve wisely kept his mouth shut on that one, especially since some of your old colleagues and T’Challa’s little sister Shuri were catching you up to speed on everything you needed to know about Bucky’s case, your therapist being the one relaying the majority of the information. You gave him quite the earful before he even got a greeting out as you hugged Dr. Jack Sleuth like he’d disappear if you’d let go. 

Once you were caught up, there were only the minor details that someone would remember to relay to you as you waited for Bucky Barnes to finally make an appearance. You hadn’t even looked at Steve since you’d arrived, and he remained silent, not wanting to endure your wrath and risk you leaving before you even had the chance to properly meet the man you’d come here to help.

T’Challa remained by Shuri’s side and for the most part, his gaze never strayed from the tense stalemate between you and your fellow super-solder. The two of you sat on opposite ends of the couch since there weren’t any other open spots, and by the time you were ready to doze off because of the lack of sleep you’d had over the past week, you saw someone lead Bucky Barnes into the other room, causing everyone else to stop what they had been doing and turn their gaze onto you.

Your jaw clenched in apprehension as you looked the man up and down once, and it was then that Steve decided to finally speak to you to say, “You can still back out of this, _____. Nobody would blame you.”

“If it hadn’t been for my magic and the people that helped me, I would have become him. I need to do this. For the Avengers, for Tony, for Bucky, and me. Even if my brother can’t forgive him now, he’ll come through with time. You and I, on the other hand, may not ever have that privilege again.”

Before he could say anything else, you exited observation, stepped in front of the door to the man that was used to kill your parents, took a deep breath, and knocked on the door. Upon hearing the quiet “It’s open,” you entered the room, closing the door behind you.

Bucky Barnes instantly recognized who you were, if the immediate likening to a statue was anything to go off of. You held your hands open and up, remaining in your spot as you said, “I’m not here to beat you to death, I swear. Think we can start on a clean slate?”

He didn’t quite believe your friendly smile, and rightfully so, and so it wasn’t a surprise when he asked, “Why not? I’m the reason you became an orphan.”

“No beating around the bush with you, huh?” you commented, taking the seat the farthest away from the man as you motioned for him to do the same saying, “At least try to get comfortable. The two of us are gonna be in here a while.”

It took a few minutes, but Bucky did finally sit down, and so you took a deep breath before saying, “Rogers probably told you about how I took myself off the case when we found out the truth behind their deaths, right? Because I didn’t think I’d be able to keep myself from throttling you the moment we found you even if we didn’t quite know which one did it?”

He gave a hesitant nod, so you continued, “One thing about knowing years longer than my brother is that I had time to come to terms with it before meeting you. So I’m sorry that I didn’t give him that time, too. You probably wouldn’t have needed a new arm built.”

Despite his reservations with you, Bucky cracked a small grin at your antics, which encouraged you to go on with, “I know that you didn’t have any control over yourself when they died. So how could I blame you for something you had no control over? Hell, they wiped it from your memory.”

“But I remember now. And I didn’t fight to stop myself from going through with it.”

“There wasn’t much that you could do, and you’re regretting it despite that. It’s more than enough proof for me that you’re punishing yourself for something that I blame HYDRA for, James.”

Spotting the tension in his jaw at being called by his first name, you were surprised when he asked, “How can you put all of the blame on HYDRA?”

“If you hadn’t been dragged from where you fell all those years ago and ‘rehabilitated’ by HYDRA, you wouldn’t have been able to kill them. They used you as their weapon to kill who knows how many good people. Just like they were going to use me.”

“What?”

“I still looked over whatever files I could decrypt even after leaving Rogers and Wilson in charge of finding you. It turns out that the terrorist group that kidnapped me a few years back was part of HYDRA.”

“...Does your brother know you’re here?”

“No. And at this point, I’d be shocked if he even gave me the time of day. He’s not going to be worried over me anytime soon. And I refuse to let him come anywhere near you until he can control himself. It helps that the king of Wakanda can ensure that no one, not even Tony Stark, can find us.”

He merely stared at you for a few moments, trying to spot any glimpse of insincerity that could come across your features. Upon finding none, he motioned for you to come closer. Smiling softly, you walked towards him, stopping about four feet away from him when you observed him stiffen up again (which is a hell of a lot of progress considering where you were not even five minutes ago). Sitting on the closest chair and getting yourself comfortable, you nearly missed the small smile he returned. Before the two of you got into talking about anything, you made it clear that you were not another doctor, just a friendly acquaintance that wishes to become a friend. Bucky relaxed after that, and the two of you started to get to know each other. Before you knew it, the two of you were chuckling freely and one of your old colleagues had entered the room to say that the two of you were done for the day. 

She noticed the frowns flicker over both of your faces and continued saying, “The two of you are more than welcome to continue. Just not here.”

You turned back to the brown-haired super-soldier and asked if he wanted to and received a small smile and a “Yeah, I’d like that.”

The two of you proceeded to make your way out to the hall, continuing to get to know each other. Hell, he even had bits of that charm that Peggy and Steve had described him having despite everything that he’d been through. 

The two of you were still aimlessly walking through the halls (you being completely lost but choosing to ignore that fact for the time being) when Rogers had caught up with you an hour later to lead both of you to the cafeteria since neither of you had eaten much that day. Despite the tension remaining with you and the Star-Spangled Man with a Plan, you managed to keep yourself relatively polite, if only to help Barnes. You’d eaten dinner and listened to Steve and Bucky’s conversation rather than actively participate, going over in your mind what the rules the blond would have to follow when it came to you starting tomorrow.

Once you’d finished your meals, Rogers bid you both goodnight after handing you what you needed for your room, which was situated down the hall from Bucky’s. Because of this, you accompanied him on his journey to his room and bid him a good night, and just as you were about to turn towards your room, you were stopped by the hand on your shoulder. Once your eyes landed on his face again, Bucky bit his lip and nibbled on it for a few moments before he murmured out, “You can call me James.”

“...Huh?”

“You called me James earlier today but have called me Bucky throughout the rest of our conversations. I-I was surprised, but I like it. It feels like you’re talking to the person I am now. Not the war hero or Steve’s childhood friend or the Winter Soldier.”

His gaze moved toward the ceiling as he continued speaking, making your smile widen as you responded, “James it is, then. First things first though: a pretty boy like you needs as much sleep as he can get.”

He gave you a shaky chuckle before heading into his room, turning back to face you as he said, “Thank you, _____.”

“No need for that, James. It’s the least I can do.”

He bid you a good night that you returned, his smile brightening up the smallest bit as he closed the door. You then made your way down the hall to your room, muffling the chuckle that escaped once your door had closed. You then proceeded to make yourself comfortable, closing your eyes and falling asleep almost instantly.

Only to be woken up you don’t know how long later by the fear-filled screams of the man across the hall.


	16. Normal Does Not Exist

You bolted out of your room and kicked James’ doors off its hinges before you raced into his bedroom and observed that he looked like he was having a seizure. Not knowing what else to do, you held his body steady in an effort to keep him from hurting himself, only to end up pinned to the bed with a metal hand wrapped around your throat and blue eyes filled with fear and anger. 

Despite hardly being able to breathe, you said, “James, it’s okay. It’s just me. It’s _____. Nobody’s going to hurt you.”

It took a few minutes, but he’d released his grip on you and just about fell out of the bed in scrambling away from you. Slowly sitting up, you asked if it was okay to touch him, appeasing him when he shook his head so fast that you thought he’d break his own neck. Keeping the distance that he’d established, he pulled on a strand of his hair as he said, “I-I’m sorry, _____. You’re more than welcome to leave. I understand.”

Your eyes narrowed as you responded, “James Buchanan Barnes. I am not leaving you alone just because of something like this. It takes a hell of a lot more than that to scare me away.”

Those pretty blue eyes widened in surprise at what you’d said before he’d seen the scars along your arms along with the nearly faded one across your forehead; hell, he even spotted a couple that looked like they continued even farther along your body, only to be hidden by your clothing. 

He’d nearly forgotten that you had your own share of nightmares from before and throughout your career at SHIELD, not to mention everything you’d gone through with the Avengers. You’d gotten back up every time and at least looked like you brushed it off, and that had to take so much inner strength that he was in awe of you and had to focus on keeping a straight face throughout your conversations today. Hell, you’d probably had hundreds of nights like this yourself.

James snapped out of his thoughts upon seeing you open up your arms from your spot, leaving the choice up to him. Ever so slowly, he crawled over to you and accepted the embrace before he laid his head on your lap as you leaned against the headboard muttering, “I’m here for you, James. Don’t forget that.”

He relaxed under your ministrations, the rhythm of your fingers slowly pulling him back into the world of slumber mumbling, “Thank you, _____.”

“No need to thank me, James. Just go back to sleep.”

“...Okay…”

A few moments later, you heard soft snoring from the man nestled on your lap. Within a half-hour, you felt the pull of the world of slumber too.

You woke up the next morning well-rested for the first time in what felt like years and couldn’t help chuckling at the man still snoring away on your lap. Within a few minutes, his eyes fluttered open and James looked up at you in confusion for a few seconds before remembering what happened last night. A splash of red covered his cheeks and ears as he sat up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. You stopped yourself from chuckling again before he could notice. James gave you a cheeky grin, and so you knew that you’d been caught red-handed. Before either of you could say anything, a knock on the door disrupted the two of you. James stood up to answer it while you made your way to the bathroom in order to attempt to tame the rat’s nest you called hair.

He returned, a sheepish grin on his face as he said, “Well, uh, turns out that Shuri wants to give us the guided tour since I’m not all that familiar with the place yet.”

You chuckled as you walked up to the brown-haired man, offering your own arm as you answered, “Sounds like a plan to me. We shouldn’t keep her waiting. And while we’re at it, I’m sure she won’t mind us continuing our conversation from yesterday.”

He took your arm, shaking his head as the two of you left his room, following after the Princess of Wakanda and taking in everything that your eyes landed on. She was so endearing despite being a smart ass, making both you and James laugh more than once. By the time the tour had ended, you’d stretched your arms and said, “As much as I’d hate to go, I still need to head home and pack a bag to bring here. I can’t just wear this old getup 24/7.”

“Miss Stark, before you go, please let me put this on you,” Shuri requested, and so you held out your wrist for her to clasp the bracelet-shaped device, only for it to camouflage itself into a watch reminiscent of the one you’d left at home. 

“It is a device that will allow our security systems to recognize you as a friend rather than a foe when you enter the premises,” she explained, to which you nodded as you looked it over from different angles and said, “I can see why that would be a problem, and it’s an incredible piece of technology. Thank you.”

She glowed from the compliment before shooing you off saying, “Now go on. The sooner you leave, the sooner you can return.”

You chuckled at her excitable nature and gave James a half salute saying, “Until next time.”

He shook his head at your antics and returned the half salute before his eyes widened in surprise upon seeing you form your portal. You walked through, giving him a cheeky grin and one last wave as it closed again.

Sighing once it had, you turned your attention onto your apartment, quickly checking your phone to see if you missed anything. Noting that you hadn’t, you went on to pack up your trusty duffel, knowing that you could always come back here to do laundry or just grab some more clothes. 

The next four months consisted of you using your Sling Ring back and forth from Wakanda and your apartment, the latter more often than not to keep up appearances of you being the goody-two-shoes retired Avenger. You and James had even become friends, and Steve had adhered to the rules that you’d established upon your first return trip. Luckily, with him being on the run, you didn’t really see the blond around all that often, giving both of you the time that you needed (you, more so) to see if you could really trust each other again. You’d tried calling Tony about once a month to try and mend your relationship, only to receive no answer or call back (not that you expected him to in the first place).

The new normal of your life came to a halt the day that your brother decided to contact you.

You’d just returned home only to nearly stab your brother’s little prodigy in the throat when you heard his Starbucks cup drop onto your kitchen floor. Luckily, his reflexes had him hitting the ceiling before you could get too close with your kitchen knife. As you sheathed it back into its holder with your other cooking knives, you spotted Tony leaning against your island, frowning at you. 

You ignored Parker stuttering out who knows how many apologies as he hurried to clean up his mess in favor of crossing your arms and staring your brother down as you said, “I got the message loud and clear, Tony. So why are you here?”

His frown deepened as he answered, “Thing is that I tried calling, but your phone went straight to voicemail. And when three days went by without a callback, I started getting a little worried and decided to come down myself, only to open the door and see all of your guns and blades packed away, but no _____ Stark insight. At first, I thought you’d been kidnapped, but then I noticed that one very important thing wasn’t anywhere in here.”

Your eyes narrowed at him alluding to your Sling Ring, but rather than give him the satisfaction, you turned your attention onto the kid currently mopping up your floor as you asked, “Why the hell is your little newbie here? Aren’t you scared he might go rogue just by being in the same room as me?”

You couldn’t help your scoff at Peter Parker’s eyes widening upon realizing that you knew who he was before Tony said, “You’re the only retired Avenger that stayed that way. As far as the government’s concerned, you’re a model citizen. And Parker here wanted to see if you really could do your, and I quote, ‘magic tricks.’”

Shaking your head at the teen’s word choice, you responded, “If I’m such a model citizen, why would Ross send you to make sure I wasn’t doing any vigilante crap?”

“You were missing for three days, _____. It became a concern.”

“I needed to get away from everything that reminded me how much I fucked up my life for a while. Is that so hard to believe?”

“Where did you go?”

“Why does he have to know? I’ve been behaving myself.”

Tony remained tight-lipped, and so you bit your lip as you started tapping on your elbow in Morse. May as well be honest with your brother now, at least. But you sure as hell weren’t going to let Ross in on the conversation anytime soon. Upon seeing his eyes widen after a few moments, you uncrossed your arms and said, “Fine. I went to one of my inherited private islands to get away from my problems for a few days and came home upon finally regaining somewhat of a clear head to try and fix my mess of a life. So unless you’re here to talk to me without the orders of Mr. Secretary, we’re done here.”

Your brother’s jaw clenched, but he also looked utterly exhausted with the situation at hand. So he led Peter over to your front door, letting the kid leave ahead of him before turning back to face you and say, “Take care of yourself, Bolts.”

You could have cried upon hearing that damn nickname again. Instead, you gave him a weak grin and responded, “You too, Nuts.”

After giving you one last nod, Tony left and you felt lighter than you had in months.


	17. Stable Mental Health? What's That?

Upon your return to Wakanda a few days later, you went straight to Steve’s room. If Tony of all people could give you the smallest blip of another chance, then it was high time you womaned up and do the same for the blond super-soldier. You’d gotten the ping from your device (Thank you, Shuri) telling you that he was here, so you knew that you weren’t wasting your time heading to an empty room (and eternally grateful that you wouldn’t have to summon up all of your willpower a second time).

He’d opened the door almost as soon as you’d knocked, only to freeze in place with wide blue eyes staring down at you shuffling your feet as you asked, “Can we talk?”

“O-Of course. Come on in.”

You followed him over to the couch and sat on the arm, and before an awkward silence could make its appearance, you said, “I went completely insane on you, Steve.”

His already wide eyes became even bigger upon hearing his first name from your lips for the first time since Peggy’s funeral as he stuttered out, “I-I deserved it, _____.”

“Not really. I was mostly angry at myself and I took it out on you--”

He placed a hand on your shoulder, instantly putting a stop to your blabbering. Giving it a squeeze, he continued, “I made you choose between you and your brother, _____. That wasn’t fair of me, and I’m sorry that I put you through so much pain and suffering. And I didn’t tell you which Soldier did it and I shouldn’t have asked for you to help Buck when I did. I have a lot to make up for.”

You couldn’t help the relieved tears streaming down your face as you buried your head in Steve’s chest and hugged him like there was no tomorrow. He just returned the hug, stroking your hair, and you felt utter elation that he didn’t hate you for everything you’d put him through the last few months. 

It was going to be a long road into building your trust for each other back up to what it had been, and your friendship will likely never be the same, but he was back to being a part of your life, and that was all that you cared about at the moment.

As you finally managed to pull away from the giant teddy bear that was Steve Rogers, you wiped away what was left of your tears as you rasped out, “I’m sorry, Steve.”

“There’s nothing for you to be sorry about, _____. This was all me.”

“I-I should have done this so long ago. I know better, and I feel so stupid for waiting so long to actually talk it out.”

“We both needed space, _____. It’s fine. Really. Hell, I don’t think that I could have done what you have for Buck given the circumstances. You know what that tells me?”

“...What?”

“That someone out there is going to be the luckiest person in the world to have you.”

You scoffed out, “So the day I find somebody that can handle my insanity as well as you is the day I fall in love?”

He just shrugged and answered, “You never know.”

You just rolled your eyes and nearly pushed him off of his own couch. 

While things hadn’t gone back to the way they were (not like you were expecting them to), you were slowly mending the broken relationships that had been gnawing at you for months. Hell, you even paid Clint more than a few supervised visits since he was under house arrest, playing the part of the disappointed goody-two-shoes whilst simultaneously giving him subtle thumbs-ups. And James had actually begun to take steps into his healing process thanks to Shuri and Steve, although they and Jack all insist that a lot of it was your influence. Hell, some of the control words were already being unraveled despite a few setbacks due to HYDRA’s “preventative measures.” You were just glad that nobody was seriously injured or killed.

So of course something triggered you into having a panic attack. You had no idea what it was, either. All you knew was that one minute, you and James were joking around in your room and the next, you were curling into a ball and hyperventilating.

Steve and Sam were off base, Natasha and Wanda were on the other side of the building training, Jack was finally catching up on some sleep but only about half the distance that Nat and Wanda were, and you couldn’t very well call Clint or Tony right now considering where you were. 

Your nails dug into your shoulders as you made yourself as small as possible, the memories flashing through your head. The lights, the bastard’s voice, the villagers’ screams--

You felt hands on your shoulders as James said, “_____, I need you to breathe with me, okay? In eight, and out eight.”

It took everything in you to lift your head up to face him and match his breathing rate. What felt like hours but was probably only a few minutes later, you were no longer hyperventilating and now leaning your head onto his chest, his calm heartbeat further settling your frazzled nerves. When you finally felt in control of yourself again, you muttered your thanks, only for James to say, “No need for that. I get it.”

You felt so stupid for forgetting that he himself suffered similar experiences. He wasn’t like Steve and Clint, who had no experience before one of your panic attacks hit you in front of them for the first time. Hell, Steve called the emergency medical personnel at SHIELD thinking that you were on Death’s door.

Shaking yourself out of it, you stood with James, not willing to leave the safety of his arms just yet. When you finally did though, you sputtered out, “I, uh, should call it a day.”

“_____--”

“I’ll be fine, James. I promise. This is nothing new, and I’ll go see Jack in the afternoon. I’m sorry, do you...do you think that you could show yourself out?”

You knew that he knew there was something else to it, but your instincts were telling you to run from the current situation. Barely keeping yourself from sprinting to your bedroom door, you went in and closed it, sliding down it as silently as possible. It was only when you finally heard his retreating footsteps, your front door open and close, and a few minutes afterward before you allowed the tears to stream down your face.

James had no idea what the hell just happened. You’d always been so open about your experiences in the past; how the hell was this any different? 

He’d bumped into Nat and a freshly returned Steve, the former making her way straight to your room upon seeing James’ face. His best friend then led him out to a nearby training room and asked what had happened, to which he told him exactly what occurred. 

Steve patted him on the shoulder and said, “It’ll be okay, Buck. Trust me, she’s done it to all of us. Hell, she still does it to me half the time because I won’t give her the space she needs otherwise. And _____’s primary concern right now is helping you; she doesn’t think that you should be dealing with her baggage right now.”

“I just...I want to help if I can.”

“I know you do, Buck. But you have to wait for _____ to come to you. And she will. It just takes a little time.”


	18. Feelings Have to Make Everything Messy

Nat just had to walk in the second you became a blubbering idiot just to ask you what was wrong, and so you managed to control yourself long enough to grunt out, “Magical Mimic’s made a fool of herself with her magnificent timing of panic attacks.”

Nat sighed as she shut the door to your room again and proceeded to sit on the edge of your bed as she said, “Could you at least sit here with me? As much as I hate to admit it, Wanda made me work for it today.”

Your body went on autopilot, and before you knew it, your head was in her lap and the redhead turned blonde’s hand was sifting through your hair as she asked, “You ready to talk about it yet?”

You held up a finger and buried your face in your pillow to scream, Nat letting you have your minute. Once the time was up, you turned to face your friend once again and sighed as you asked, “Why do I have the suckiest timing in the world, Nat?”

“Because it’s part of your charm?”

She raised her hands in surrender at your scowl and backtracked, “No joke zone right now. Understood.”

You tossed the pillow that you had grabbed for a sense of security and sighed out, “Everything was going great. Perfect. James and I were just messing around trying to kill time until his next session with Shuri when I’m hit with a panic attack without anything triggering it. So then he calmed me down and I just...shut him out.”

Nat rubbed your back as you steadied your breathing again and continued, “Hell, I didn’t even really give him an explanation. He probably thinks that it’s his fault and--”

“Slow down, _____. Everything’s going to be okay. Steve’s with him, no doubt explaining the situation.”

Not helping the relief make your body sag, you felt Nat’s arms wrap around your shoulders as she went on, “You don’t usually get this worked up whenever you have a panic attack with someone new around. What’s so special about Barnes?”

You remained silent, shock taking hold of your body at your realization. The last time you’d been this worked up over your panic attacks had been Steve’s first experience with them. You proceeded to groan as you plopped down onto your bed again, your hands covering your reddening face as you muttered, “I am a glutton for punishment.”

Nat’s jaw dropped before she said, “You can’t be serious.”

“Just kill me now, Nat. Do it so I can die with a little love left in my heart.”

She remained silent as you patiently waited for your demise. Going out by her hand wasn’t the worst way, although it wasn’t the blaze of glory you’d envisioned, only for her to say, “No. You deserve some happiness, _____. I say you give him a chance.”

“Nat, you know what happened last time."

“And Barnes is nothing like that rotten bastard. He proved that today, didn’t he?”

You knew that she was right; hell, you knew that this was a possibility the second that you decided to help James. Steve had been so desperate for someone to be able to help him and had practically begged you to be that person. It wasn’t an order from a higher-up or a task you had been assigned. It was a friend asking you to help someone. Granted, it had been a friend that you were royally pissed at, but a friend all the same. You had gone into this just wanting to get to know and help a man that needed it. And it landed you in the situation you were in now.

So you resigned yourself to your fate and turned to your friend as you said, “Tony is going to be so pissed off.”

She chuckled out, “After all the shit he’s put us through, I think he should let this one go.”

“You don’t know my brother all that well if you think that’s going to happen any time soon.”

She merely shrugged before she stood and offered you a hand saying, “Screw him then. Now come on, some training might do you some good.”

“Didn’t you say that Wanda made you work for it today? And even if that was a bluff, you know I can’t go out in the field, Nat.”

“It’s true, but I’ve got a second wind. And we both know that you’ll come out of retirement sooner or later. Trust me on this.”

Knowing that you didn’t even have the excuse of needing to change, you took her hand and responded, “Okay, Romanoff. You’re on.”

Her smirk told you that her earlier comment was, in fact, a bluff. And yet, despite how rusty you were, you couldn't wait to put her in her place.

Once Steve had finally convinced him to just be patient with you, Bucky followed his friend to the cafeteria to get something into their systems before the two ventured over to the training room for a bit of sparring. Well, they had planned on doing so until they found you and Nat going at it. And from the maneuvers you were pulling on the super spy, you didn’t seem to be out of practice at all.

Bucky found himself rooted to his spot as his jaw dropped open. Before now, he’d only really seen you as this woman who wouldn’t hurt a fly unless it was necessary. But looking at you now, you were a fighting machine, holding nothing back. Nat hardly had an opportunity to aim due to your speed. And what were those--

“Looks like Romanoff managed to get her to go all out. I hardly ever see _____’s magic in training,” Steve remarked, bringing his friend out of his daze somewhat only to turn towards him and ask, “Buck, you still there?”

The brown-haired super-soldier finally snapped out of it upon turning his gaze onto the blond as he said, “I’ve...never seen _____ like this before.”

Steve noticed the hunger in his friend’s eyes that the latter was trying so very desperately to hide and had to bite his lip from chuckling as he recalled that movie night all those years ago. Your offhand comment about having a crush on his best friend was used as a joke, but Steve had seen the blush that overtook your cheeks before you laughed at him.

He also knew why you’d pushed him to Sharon, especially after sharing that kiss in Sokovia. You’d told him about your previous romantic relationship on one of the few missions that that two of you had taken on together afterward, and with the job that you had, you doubted you’d ever really had the time to find love again, let alone build yourself back up to be ready for something like that. Hell, Buck would probably be the only one that could give you what you needed.

And surprisingly, Steve found himself okay with that, so he bumped shoulders with his best friend and said, “Remind me to show you some of the news clips from our Avengers days.”

Bucky just gave him a dumb nod, his gaze remaining on your sparring match with Natasha, only for the now blonde woman to be pinned down as you grinned at her and helped her up saying, “Come on, Nat. You’ve gotten more experience in the last couple of months and I’m still whipping your ass into shape.”

“Keep on laughing, _____. You’ll get your comeuppance.” 

You shook your head before realizing the audience that you’d gathered. Looking over to the entrance, you spotted Steve and James. Rather than ignored them, you waved the two over, calling out the other blond saying, “Come on, Steve! If I keep beating up on Nat, she won’t be able to walk.”

She rolled her eyes at your antics before telling him, “You better teach her a lesson, Cap. She’s becoming too much like her brother.”

Both ignored your exclaimed “Hey!” as the super-soldier responded, “Winner goes against Buck.”

You smiled as you responded, “I’m game, as long as James is okay with it.”

All eyes turned to the former HYDRA agent, who rolled his own as he said, “Sure, why not?”

The way your eyes lit up was so endearing that James didn’t know if he should hope that you’d win or lose.


	19. Getting Back in Shape

Nat and James were currently sitting off to the side, the latter politely refusing the offered bowl of popcorn from the former while Steve started stretching himself out. James began doing so from his spot since he would be going against whoever won, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of you as you performed various spells, some of which looked incredibly intricate, and yet you made the motions with practiced ease.

You meant business and were ready to go. All that was left was to wait for Steve. When he’d finally finished his stretches, your magic came to a halt as you said, “Come on, Stevie. Show me some new tricks.”

“You’re gonna regret that, _____,” Nat called out only for you to ignore her as you and the blond male began circling each other.

Like clockwork, the two of you dealt blows to each other, easily dodging the other’s attack in doing so. Every subsequent punch or kick was dodged or blocked, going on for a good hour until you were laying on the mat struggling to get out of Steve’s chokehold. Knowing when you were beaten, you tapped out and plopped onto the mat once he released you. Vaguely hearing Nat cheering for Rogers, you felt no guilt whatsoever in flipping her off while your breathing steadied. Upon receiving enough oxygen in your brain again, you took Steve’s offered hand and hopped back onto your feet as the good captain said, “Not too bad there, _____.”

“Considering I’ve been out of practice, that constitutes a ‘Pretty damn good.’ At least.”

He chuckled, making you roll your eyes as you made your way over to the sidelines, grabbing a drink out of the cooler that you and Nat had stocked up on beforehand. Sitting on the bench, you wiped the sweat from your brow only to feel someone place a wet towel on the back of your neck. Looking up to meet James’ gaze, you thanked him with a grin that he returned while saying, “I wish I could see that more often.”

“It’s not like it’s all that different from what you do.”

“I’m not talking about your hand-to-hand or weapon expertise. Your magic’s amazing.”

You couldn’t help the blush that spread across your face. Most people were terrified whenever they first witnessed your magic. Sure, the Avengers had grown used to it and even enjoy it outside of missions, but that took months of building trust. Hell, even Tony got on the fritz during the rare occasions in which you began to lose control in the beginning. For James of all people to outright say that he would want to watch you practice magic was incredibly rare. He wanted you to embrace the part of you that had so many people keep their distance unless they were desperate.

You were pulled out of your daze when James placed his metal hand on your shoulder and asked, “You okay, Doll?”

Nodding, you placed your palm over the cool limb and answered, “Yeah. Just spaced out there for a second. Nobody’s wanted me to use my magic without a good reason. And the people that are used to it don’t say anything about it.”

“Well, they should. It shouldn’t be reserved for saving the world.”

“Unfortunately, for everyone’s safety, it’s best that I only use it then.”

He pushed a stray strand of your hair behind your ear before Nat called out, “Barnes, get your ass into gear! We don’t wanna be here all day!”

“You seem to have all the time in the world,” you pointed out to the other woman, making her turn her sass onto you as you went to join her, only for James to clasp your hand in his as he said, “I’ll see you afterward, right?”

You nodded the affirmative, which lead to the brown-haired super-soldier kissed your hand and then made his way over to Steve. Unable to help the blush spread throughout your face or the dopey smile spreading, you finally sat down next to your friend, ignoring her teasing and unable to know just how long you’d last if he kept that up.

And from the cheeky grin on Steve’s face, as he and James spoke in hushed tones, you knew that he was taking the opportunity to tease both of you if the splotches of red appearing on the brunet’s face and ears were anything to go by. Shortly afterward, the two began circling each other as you had in your match against Steve, to which you held up a finger to the super spy saying, “Not one word, Romanoff.”

She just chuckled while tossing more popcorn into her mouth, merely rolling her eyes as you took a handful for yourself. And with the first punch, the Brooklyn Boys went at it. Hell, if it wasn’t for the playful retorts from both parties, you would have been worried that James had gone into Winter Soldier mode.

Even after being on the receiving end of his fighting style, getting to see it in action without the risk of injury to your person was amazing. He held so much grace and power, and you almost wished you’d won your match against the blond if only to be able to wrap your legs around James’--

Quickly turning your thoughts out of that dark alley, your blush returned full force, making Nat smirk at you as the session went on. By the time hour two had come up, however, James was forced to yield. Nat had left after the first hour since she had a call to take, so you alone joined the two fellow vets, covering your mouth and nose as you exclaimed, “Good Lord, Rogers! What the hell have you been eating!?”

“That bad?” he asked with a chuckle.

“Worse than New York shawarma. Jeez, go get a shower.”

He quickly made his way out, to which you shook your head as you said, “That man could take down a city block with his BO alone. Whoever gave him Indian food, I swear--”

You found yourself face-to-chest upon nearly running straight into James, quickly pulling away and apologizing, only for him to grin at you and ask, “How bad am I?”

“Barely noticeable, which is impressive since the two of you were all over each other. So, lunch?”

“Lunch sounds fantastic.”

So the two of you made your way down to the cafeteria as you discussed the results of the makeshift tournament, you unable to quite stop the shriek coming out of your mouth when he lifted you bridal style. Laughing upon realizing what he’d done, you said, “James, put me down!”

“You need to be treated well every once in a while, Doll. I’m just making sure that happens.”

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you chuckled out, “My knight in shining armor.”

“More like the other way around, sweetheart.”

Your smile widened even more than you thought possible as the two of you easily ignored the attention that his antics had brought forth.


	20. Why Does the Past ALWAYS Bite Someone in the Ass?

Unable to stand looking at Secretary Ross’ mug a second longer, you turned off all of the news outlets covering the man to give yourself a break. Luckily for you, he seemed to be doing half of your job; the more he attempted to assure the public that what remained of the Avengers was under the control of the UN, the more it was going to think otherwise.

“You gotta stop putting yourself through that torture, Doll.”

Smiling despite your exhaustion, you swiveled your chair to face the brown-haired WWII vet before saying, “I have to know what shit he’s spewing out to counterargue everything he’ll throw at me.”

“Aren’t you the one that said it was going to take years before you could take your appeals to the UN?” he asked as he walked over and handed you something to drink.

“Well, yeah, but the asshole’s one tough nut. I have to be ready on all fronts.”

He moved the hair out of your face and responded, “You’re worried about them.”

“Of course I am. Half of the team would be imprisoned immediately if they were caught again, and the other half could get the same for the smallest mistake at this point. Steve was right the whole time,” you sighed, your thoughts turning to that damn meeting as you continued, “I feel so stupid for ever doubting him.”

“Hey, you were looking out for your brother. Steve gets it.”

“It wouldn’t have surprised anybody if I had gone against him from the get-go. It hasn’t stopped us in the past.”

James took the swivel chair next to yours and wrapped an arm around your shoulders as he responded, “This was something bigger than any of us thought it was.”

You buried your head into his arm, mumbling incoherent nonsense only to hear him chuckle as he said, “Come on. You’ve been in here for hours. Let’s get you something to eat.”

With that, you clung to what you could reach of his side as you whined, “I don’t wanna move.”

James rolled his eyes as he untangled himself from you before standing and tugging you up and out of your chair (after a few attempts in which you tried to turn your entire body into dead weight). He just smiled softly at you as you grumbled out a few curses and let him wrap his arm around your waist as he guided you to the cafeteria asking, “Am I going to have to come down and get you to eat every couple of hours?”

You shrugged, wrapping your arm around his waist as you responded, “Probably wouldn’t hurt. I’m a Stark; workaholism is in my blood.”

He chuckled once again as the two of you sat at your usual table. James placed a quick peck on your forehead before heading off to get the two of you enough food to feed a football team. Once he was out of sight, you placed your hand over the spot, wondering how long it was gonna take for you to break and finally admit your feelings to the man.

You spotted a familiar head of blond hair approach your table, a knowing smirk on his face. You raised your eyebrow as you said, “Okay, Rogers, what’s with the strutting about? I never took you as someone who could be even the smallest bit cocky.”

“That’s all thanks to you, Dr. Stark. I still don’t know how the hell you managed to convince me into therapy.”

“Never call me Dr. Stark again. That sounds way too weird coming out of your mouth,” you replied whilst punching him in the arm, “And with how crazy I am, it’s no wonder how I convinced you into therapy.”

He shook his head at your self deprecating humor, making you roll your eyes before he said, “Having you, Bucky, and Sam around helps a lot more than you think. And Dr. Sleuth has the patience of a saint.”

“He sure is something, isn’t he?” you chuckled out, to which the blond responded, “He is, but don’t try to downplay your role in this, _____. Buck probably wouldn’t have tried much of what he had if it wasn’t for you. Hell, I don’t think he’d try anything involving his head at this point unless you gave it the green light.”

“So Captain America’s using potty language now? What will all those kids think?”

He bumped your shoulder in an attempt to get you to stop teasing him, to which you smiled as you said, “You know I don’t do praise and compliments, Steve. I honestly don’t deserve them.”

“Don’t deserve what now?” James asked, placing your food directly in front of you on the table.

Pecking him on the cheek in thanks, you answered, “A gentleman such as you coming to my rescue when the Big Bad Captain starts swearing like a sailor.”

You could feel Steve’s pointed gaze on the back of your head as he said, “You’ve said ten times worse in the last month than I ever have in my entire life.”

“No fair! You weren’t able to talk for a good portion of that!”

“And you have curses that could make a sailor blush.”

“How would you know? I’ve kept those away from your sensitive ears. Have you been spying on me?”

“What!? No, of course--”

“Stevie, I know that you’re a wanted criminal now, but that’s just disturbing!”

James chortled into his drink as his best friend shook his head at your continued teasing. Now satisfied with your quota for the day, you ended your little show saying, “Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it, Cap.”

The blond then smirked as he listened to something on his commlink before giving whoever was on the other line the affirmative and standing as he said, “Sam just got back and said that there’s something he wants me to take a look at. I’ll see you two later.”

As soon as he was out of earshot, you muttered, “He’s up to something.”

“Definitely. He never smirks.”

One of T’Challa’s subordinates from communications then walked towards you and said, “Miss Stark, someone by the name of Theodore Lowe has been trying to contact you. We’ve been redirecting his calls elsewhere, but he seems rather persistent in contacting you.”

Scowling at the name, you responded, “Next time he calls, just put him through. I’ll deal with him myself.”

James raised an eyebrow and asked, “Who the hell’s Theodore Lowe?”

“My former fiance.”

He looked just as pissed as you felt.


	21. What Now?

Ted’s next call was not handled quite as calmly as you’d hoped.

James had swiped your phone as soon as it began reading, glared at the Caller ID, and answered it by barking out, “Why the fuck are you calling _____, Lowe?”

You scrambled in an attempt to take your phone back, only for Nat (who found out due to walking in shortly after you relayed this personal information to James) to hold you back. You were just glad that you decided to take this to your room when you did.

And with your panicky mess of anxiety, she managed to keep you still. Well, until you bit her hand and proceeded to pounce onto the former HYDRA agent, wrestle the phone out of his grasp as he threatened your poor ex in very descriptive Romanian, and pin him down using your legs as you placed the phone between your cheek and shoulder and aimed your gun towards Nat to keep her from taking the phone away from you too.

Taking a deep breath, you spoke into the phone, “This better be one hell of a good reason, Ted, because I’m not sure how long I can keep this man from hunting you down at this point.”

You had no clue whatsoever how you managed to come off so nonchalant despite being out of breath. And Nat wasn’t coming anywhere near you since your warning shots tended to land in limbs. Yeah, this was definitely not how you planned on handling this situation.

Your ex sounded like he probably shit himself from James’ threats (which honestly wouldn’t surprise you in the slightest) as he sputtered out, “I-I-I just wanted to apologize, __-_____. I know it’s too little too late at this point, but I wanted to try to make amends.”

“Are you on your death bed or something?” you asked, smacking James in the shoulder with your free hand when he started to struggle out from under you and lifted the safety from your gun when Nat started sniggering.

The man on the other line somehow managed to compose himself enough to say, “Not quite. After seeing everything you’ve done over the years and how much my kids idolize you, _____, I realized just how stupid and blind I was all those years ago. But I blew it and I know I did. I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for hurting you all those years ago.”

“No, seriously, is it organ failure or cancer or a gun to your head or what? You’ve never apologized for anything as long as I’d known you. What’s going on?”

“I do deserve that. Anyway, you better keep the man you’ve got right now, _____. He’s better than anything I could have been for you.”

“Wait a damn minute! Ted--”

The sound signally that the call ended went off in your ear, so you pulled your phone from your ear muttering, “That bastard hung up on me.”

Placing the safety back on your gun, you stood up and tossed your phone onto your bed before you offered James a hand to help him up. After he was standing once again, you placed your gun in the drawer of your bedside table and plopped next to your phone on the bed as you said, “Something else is going on with this. I know there is.”

Nat rolled her eyes as she said, “I knew that the moment I found out he got your phone number. Any idea who could have given it to him?”

“Maybe someone’s trying to use him to get to me. Although why they thought that Ted of all people was their best bet, I’ll never know.”

Your eyes then landed on a business card that wasn’t on your bedside table this morning. Quickly swiping it, you muttered, “What the hell does Strange want with me? I haven’t so much as contacted anyone at the Sanctum since the Ancient One’s death.”

“You think Strange would go rogue?”

Shrugging your shoulders in response to James’ question, you said, “Wouldn’t surprise me, but he would be more likely to contact me directly. I’m missing something here, and I think that he’s my best bet at finding out exactly what that is.”

Sighing, you stood up, fixed up the frazzled mess that had become your appearance, and made your way straight to T’Challa’s office. He deserved a heads up, at least. Especially with everything that he’d helped you and your friends with for the last year. You were honestly surprised at how fast he’d made time for you to give him the gist of what had happened along with your plan and approximations for the amount of time you’d be off base, he said, “I appreciate you telling me, _____. Now go on. We will continue to keep track of the others.”

You thanked him before racing back to your room and packing a duffel bag, only to see that Nat and James hadn’t moved from their spots. Rolling your eyes, you explained your plan as you finished packing, only for your nose to collide with the chest of your fellow super-soldier. Taking you rubbing your nose as the perfect opportunity, James placed his hands on your shoulders and said, “Doll, slow down. I can come with you. You might need--”

“I’ll be fine, James. Strange isn’t going to be the only one there; he has students and colleagues and all that jazz. And they’re all people that I trust. I’ll be fine.”

Pulling out of his hold, you zipped up your bag and swung it over your shoulder as you continued, “Everything’ll be fine. I’ll only be gone a couple of days, tops.”

One look at those blue eyes told you that he still wasn’t convinced, so in a moment of courage, you leaned up and pecked him on the cheek as you finished, “I promise I’ll be right back here once everything’s settled. And the first thing we’ll do is tease the hell outta Steve, okay?”

You received a dumb nod in response, and so you made your way over to Nat only to be stopped by James hugging you from behind as he said, “You’re not allowed to die on me, okay?”

Returning his embrace as best as you could, you responded, “I won’t. I promise.”

He finally let you go long enough for you to give Nat a quick hug and Sling Ring straight into the London Sanctum. Once the portal closed, you looked around the entrance hall calling out, “Stephen? You here?”

“Took you long enough. The man was desperate enough to come to me of all people to get some way of contacting you,” the Sorceror Supreme said as he appeared directly in front of you, “And before you ask, no, he wasn’t hypnotized or under a spell or a hostage. His guilt ate him up over the years enough for him to do something. That’s all.”

Your raised eyebrow made him sigh as he continued, “I did everything I could to get him to tell me otherwise and believe me, that’s a week that I’ll never get back.”

“How does Ted even know about you?”

“Apparently, I somehow managed to make it onto a few newsreels. Technology these days. Can’t go anywhere without Big Brother watching.”

“So then why am I here?”

He transported the two of you over to another room in the Sanctum. Only this was a room you didn’t recognize at all from your time with the Ancient One; it held magical objects just as the majority of the other rooms, but there was a hell of a lot more shields and wards surrounding them than you were used to that you couldn’t tell the difference between the objects’ powers and Strange’s.

“This is a room that I had only recently found. It holds the most powerful and deadly magical artifacts,” Stephen explained as he made his way down a path and lifted the shields and wards around a particular object. As soon as he picked up a familiar box, you took a step back and attempting to sputter out something other than the word “No” over and over again, but alas, your brain and mouth were not cooperating today.

Stephen proceeded to whoosh the two of you to the library and make sure you sat down before placing the box on the table beside you as he said, “There is something coming, _____. And it’s far more dangerous than the enemies that any of us have faced in order to save this world. We’re going to need as much power as we can get.”

You finally managed to become coherent enough to say, “So turning me back into a nuclear bomb is the solution? She took away the majority of my power for a reason, Strange. Do you have any idea what happened the last time I had all of it?”

Nodding, he responded, “I do, but I also know that when the time comes, you may not have much of a choice in the matter. Please take them with you.”

Your hands were shaking worse than his ever had, and he was the one with the jacked-up nerves. Unable to do much else, you shook your head and stood without taking the box, ready to Sling Ring right back to the base where you could joke around with Nat and tease Steve and make doe eyes at James to your heart’s content.

Unfortunately, a familiar face stopped you from doing so; Wong took both of your hands in his as he said, “Miss Stark--”

“Wong, you know this isn’t a good idea.”

“You have been meditating, correct?”

With your nod, he continued questioning, “Have you practiced your magic regularly?”

Nodding once again as your hands finally stopped shaking, he proceeded to ask, “Do your emotions control your magic?”

“Why do you think I don’t want that box anywhere near me?”

“Miss Stark, nothing has so much as begun to shake or fly across the room despite your fear and anger. You are ready.”

Unable to quite believe that he was right, you still held out your hand and grabbed the damn box. When your eyes met Stephen’s again, you said, “They are not leaving this box unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

“I expect nothing more. Thank you, _____.”

“Don’t thank me yet, Strange. You haven’t had to deal with it firsthand yet. And hopefully, you never will.”

You then went straight back to your room in Wakanda, and upon finding that you were alone, you placed the box in your pocket dimension, plopped onto your bed, and burst into tears.


	22. Secrets Coming to Light

Having not realized that you fell asleep at some point in the night, you woke up to the smell of breakfast cooking in the hardly used kitchenette in your room. Silently taking your gun from your drawer, you snuck out of your bedroom, kicked open your door, and aimed it towards whoever dared to enter without your permission, only for your eyebrows to raise upon taking in the view: Steve and James working in tandem on making pancakes, eggs, waffles, bacon, sausage, and who knew how many breakfast pastries as they joked and chatted, only to turn to face you upon hearing the racket you’d made.

You immediately placed the safety back on your gun and set it on the counter as they took in your unkempt appearance that consisted of your ratted out hair, dried tear tracks, still red as hell eyes, and the dark shadows underneath them. Both men’s easy smiles fell as they took in your slouched form as you leaned against the doorway alongside your grimace as you cleared your throat and said, “Well, a girl could get used to a sight like this.”

At their silent staring, you attempted to run a hand through your hair as you asked, “That obvious, huh?”

“You look like you’d been run over by a bus. What happened?” Steve finally contributed as he led you over to your small dining table and took the seat across from you while James finished cooking. 

Rubbing your temples as the headache from hell (and due to a lack of proper sleep and hydration) set in, you answered, “Turns out Ted just had a guilty conscious after all. Strange himself gave him the all-clear before sending out his little calling card. That’s not the cause of all this though. Do you think we could get everybody here? Nat and T’Challa, at the very least. I don’t think I can do this more than twice, and I still have to let my brother and them know.”

“‘Course, Doll. I’ll get ‘em myself. You get something in your system.”

“Thank you, James.”

He handed you a mug of your favorite warm beverage made just the way you liked it before heading out to do so, giving your shoulder one last squeeze. Steve let you stack your plate and made sure you ate something off of it before he let you ask, “Did someone let you know I got back in last night?”

“Buck had a bad feeling, and since you gave him the spare key, we came in first thing in the morning.”

You could see the worry in the blond’s eyes, and it broke your heart to be the cause of it. Luckily, James came back a few minutes later with Wanda, Sam, Natasha, and T’Challa. Once everyone was gathered in your kitchenette, you pulled the damn box from your pocket dimension and said, “Strange decided to give me something that I thought was gone for good.”

Your shaky hands returned as they set the box on the table and continued (catching Nat’s eyes widening), “As many of you know, my magical training was with Strange’s predecessor as the Sorcerer Supreme: the Ancient One. She had taken away the majority of my power to give me more control as well as ensure the safety of everyone else. What nobody bothered to include in that synopsis is that she never gave it back.”

Your hands clenched into fists in anger as well as the attempt to control their shaking as your gaze remained on that godforsaken box, attempting to hold back even more tears when you said, “Strange seems to think that something bad enough for me to need the rest of my power will come, and so he gave it back as a precaution despite having no clue when this big bad is going to show up.”

Sam and T’Challa kept a fair distance from the box as while Nat tried to stare the thing down into submission and Steve’s hand clenched as if he was going to grab his shield. And yet Wanda and James sat on either side of you, the latter’s arm wrapped around your shoulders in an attempt to give you some form of comfort.

The silence was broken when Nat looked you in the eye and asked, “Did Strange give you anything else to go on?”

“Nothing. He just made sure I left with that little fucker in my hands.”

You then placed the box back in its pocket dimension and stood on legs that you cursed for being so shaky and said, “I’ll be heading back to bed. You lot do whatever you want to do.”

Alas, your legs chose that moment to give out on you. Luckily, James had caught you and lifted you into his arms, to which you nearly hissed out, “I can get to bed on my own.”

“Humor me, then.”

Knowing that it was more of the other way around, you wrapped your arms around his neck as he carried you to your bedroom. Once he’d tucked you in, James brushed back some stray strands of hair from your face and said, “Get some rest, _____. We can figure it out later.”

Gritting your teeth to keep yourself from saying something stupid, you turned so that your back was facing him and closed your eyes, hoping for sleep that would more likely than not evade you.

James sighed, giving your hand one last squeeze before leaving the room, shutting the door as quietly as possible before making his way to everyone else. Upon entering the kitchenette once again, he took note that nobody had strayed from the spots he’d left them in, so he broke the silence saying, “She’s in bed. Not sure if she’ll get any actual sleep.”

Nat shook herself out of her stupor and responded, “It took _____ years to master the power that she has now. Strange handing the rest of it to her like that like it was nothing is just downright cruel.”

“As much as I hate to say it, we may need to see what we can come up with along the lines of Hulk containment,” Steve said with a sigh, to which Wanda responded, “That is not going to help her. She told us herself that the years following what happened in Afghanistan was spent in one of SHIELD’s prettiest cages.”

“After all these years of knowing her, you think that little of _____?” Nat asked with a scowl directed to the blond super-soldier, going on with, “She’s saved your ass God knows how many times with and without her powers.”

“And she’s never lost control no matter what bullshit we’ve dealt her,” Sam pointed out.

“This is the kind of thing you didn’t want happening when you refused to sign the Accords, Steve. We’re not going to do that to her, not after everything she’s done for us,” Nat finished off while crossing her arms.

Steve sent a pleading glance Bucky’s way, only for the former HYDRA agent to shake his head as he said, “I’m with them on this one. _____’s gone through enough.”

T’Challa nodded in agreement as he said, “They have valid points, Captain.”

“I never said that we were going to go through with it right now. I’m just saying that we have to think about things like this. And we don’t even know what _____ thinks about all this; for all we know, she could want precautions.”

Nat just shook her head at him before she made her way out of the room, everyone except Bucky following after her. Once the two super-soldiers were left alone, silence fell upon them for a few minutes before Bucky said, “You’ve got a hell of a lot of nerve for suggesting that after everything you went through to keep me from the hangman’s noose.”

“Buck, I was just--”

“No, Steve. You can’t just flip sides like that, especially when it’s someone who has done nothing but support and help you even at the cost of those precious to her. _____ helped you become a part of this world again for God’s sake.”

“Buck, just let me--”

“She lost Tony for you, and now you want to cage her up like a rabid dog.”

“For God’s sake, Buck! She told me about this years ago!”

“...What?”

Steve rubbed his temples as he explained, “Thor had given us some of his homebrew before he took Loki back to Asgard since we couldn’t get drunk off of anything here. _____ had more than I did because she needed something to take the edge off of Tony almost dying, and she ended up telling me about the damn box.”

He ran a hand through his hair before going on to say, “She was terrified of it even when it was miles away, Buck. _____ made me promise that I would do everything I could to stop her if she ever had to use them and lost control. I’d never seen her that scared, Buck.”

“What if we proved it to her that she doesn’t have to worry about it?”

“_____’s had this doubt since the day she discovered her magic. What makes you think that we can convince her now?”


	23. "...Night out?"

After an anything but restful nap, you went straight to Tony and managed to video chat everyone else that you could, Ross included, on what they needed to know in regards to the box. As soon as everyone hung up, your shoulders slumped as you made a quick portal back to Wakanda, giving your brother a weak wave farewell. You then proceeded to wrap yourself in your blankets and lay in bed for the rest of the day.

That was three days ago. Today, you were sitting across from the King of Wakanda in his office feeling like the kid who got in trouble for putting gum in the class bully’s hair.

Once he’d arrived and the two of you exchanged your greetings, he sat and said, “I am sure that Captain Rogers has told you of the group’s discussion following you relaying the news, and I wished to hear your input on the matter.”

“Your Majesty, I suggest taking every precaution imaginable if this comes to pass. I decimated an entire population at full power. Not even the Hulk’s managed that in one go.”

“Miss Stark, you should know that the majority of the others believe that these precautions aren’t necessary, myself included.”

“I am grateful for all of your faith in me. But please, for my peace of mind, if anything, take the precautions.”

“...Very well, Miss Stark. I can see how much this would mean to you.”

Thanking him, you made your way out of the office, taking deep breaths as you let your feet take you through the halls. You’d gone years hardly even thinking about that box except for that night you’d gotten drunk on Thor’s homebrew. Hell, with everything that’s gone on the last few years, you’d almost forgotten that it even existed.

So, of course, Stephen Strange had to ruin your (relative) peace of mind by handing it to you because some other asshole decided or would decide that Earth was a good planet to conquer. Jeez, you’d dealt with people like that what felt like every other week when you were still an active-duty Avenger.

You barely realized that you’d reached your room when you stopped pacing around your couch for the nth time, your mind full of recollections of the blueprints of the Hulk containment units as you attempted to think of ways to improve those further.

Hence why Nat received a knife swishing through her hair before it sank into the wall behind her upon her sudden entrance. Luckily, she just gave you her “Really?” look before taking it out of the wall and handing it back to you. Taking it back and sheathing it, your cheeks warmed in embarrassment before your friend took your hand, led you to your bathroom, pushed you inside, and slammed the door shut as she said, “Take a shower. We’re going out tonight.”

“And if I refuse?” you sassed back, to which your friend chuckled out, “Then you’re staying in there with no way out unless you want a broken bathroom door.”

Raising an eyebrow, you looked down at your hand only to find it sans Sling Ring. As your eye twitched, you muttered, “Damn you, Romanoff.”

“Now start smelling like an actual human being again! Wanda’s getting you some clothes to change into, so you’re stuck here with me on the other side of this door until then.”

“...You’re being a real motherfucker right now.”

All you received in response was silence. And since you didn’t want a broken bathroom door just to throttle your friend, you finally followed her orders. Nat knew all your tricks, even ones that you didn’t realize that you used, so there was no use in trying. Even if you did succeed, she probably had Steve right outside your front door to drag you back in kicking and screaming. So you finally stripped down, turned the shower on, adjusted the temperature to your liking, and began cleaning yourself.

Unbeknownst to you, Nat smirked from the other side of the door as she motioned for the Star-Spangled Man with a Plan to fulfill his end of the bargain. Shaking his head at the fellow blonde’s antics, he made his way over to Bucky’s room and knocked on the door. Once the brunet opened the door with an eyebrow raised at the look on his best friend’s face, he asked, “Steve, what are you up to?”

“Nat figured everyone could use a night out, and she’s managed to convince _____ to start getting ready. You in or not?”

“How the hell did she do that? From what T’Challa said earlier, she wasn’t gonna go anywhere.”

“Nat has her ways. So?”

Sighing, Buck nodded and asked, “What are we even going to do? And where are we even going?”

“Some high-class dance club. One that knows how to keep its patrons a secret.”

“So why are you going?”

“Because making a fool of myself is a surefire way to cheer _____ up.”

Bucky shrugged before his eyes widened and he muttered, “Shit. I don’t have anything to wear.”

“Wanda’s already on that part.”

“I thought my ears were ringing,” a female voice came from down the hall as the woman it belonged to made her way over, handing the vets clothing bags amongst the half a dozen she had with her, “How is Natasha with _____?”

“She’s in the shower now.”

“Good. It’s nice of her to do all this just to cheer _____ up, even if she’s not completely set on the idea. I’ll see the two of you later tonight.”

She then knocked on the door to your room, managing to hide her grin from the Winter Soldier. Once she was granted permission to enter, she made her way inside and gave Nat a thumbs up, to which she chuckled as she said, “And people say I’m mischievous.”

“We all know that they’re good for each other. We just have to give them that little push.”

The super spy rolled her eyes.

Meanwhile, you had just finished rinsing off the suds when someone knocked on the door and asked, “_____, how are you now?”

Smiling upon hearing Wanda despite yourself, you replied, “Just peachy. I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

Once you’d finished up and wrapped a towel around your body, you said, “Okay. I smell like a human being. You can stop holding my Sling Ring hostage.”

“You’ll thank me later!”

“Sure, Nat. Sure…”

You proceeded to make your way into your actual bedroom and sat in front of your vanity whilst the other women made their way over, the younger of the two helping you dry out your hair as she asked, “Do you feel better?”

“A little. I’m not driving myself insane, so that’s something,” you murmured, nearly dozing off from her gentle touch as she proceeded to brush your hair.

Opening your eyes, you spotted Nat laying out clothing bags and said, “I don’t know why you think this is a good idea, Nat. It’s not like you all are on the run or anything.”

“You know you’re excited underneath that grumpy exterior.”

“That’s the bad part,” you sighed out and continued with, “Ignore me, ladies. This week’s been...a doozy.”

“All the more reason to take a break from it all,” Wanda responded with a smile as she styled out your hair. By the time she’d finished, your hair looked better than it had in years. But even that paled in comparison to the dress that Nat finally let you see. It was a classic black tango dress with silver and red beading sewn in to look like a belt, the latter color serving as a buckle in the shape of a red star. Along with it came a pair of red heels, but you were so flabbergasted by the implications of the dress that you were unable to make a sound. There were very few people who did not want James’ head on a silver platter; to come right out and say that you support him through something as personal as clothing would not be taken lightly whatsoever. Especially with your abysmal arguments at best when it came to the Accords and all of his actions (and lack thereof) regarding them.

“I know what you’re thinking, but don’t worry. T’Challa made sure that photos would not be taken and all patrons of the establishment have to sign NDAs.”

Turning to look at the two, you responded, “I...I don’t know how James is going to react to this.”

You received two knowing smiles, which proceeded to just irk you. But, in order to get this night over with, you took a deep breath, allowed Natasha to do your makeup, and put on the dress and heels. Both pulled you back over to your mirror, and even you were surprised at just how sexy you looked. 

Another knock on your door snapped you out of it, and upon turning to see that both women were already dressed to the nines, you straightened yourself out and went to answer it.


	24. Here We Go

Whatever smart ass comment that was about to come out of your mouth came to a halt the moment you opened the door to the three well cleaned up men standing in front of you. Steve even cleaned up the beard he’d been growing a little for the occasion and Sam was in an actual suit. But they didn’t hold a candle to James. His usual scruff had been styled neater, the top half of his hair was pulled back in a ponytail while the rest flowed freely, and you swear that you spotted the smallest bit of eyeliner highlighting those steel-blue eyes of his. For all you knew, he could have been completely naked from the neck down and you wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference; his face was just way too pretty for you to handle at the moment.

It was only then that you’d realized he’d been outright staring at you, his jaw dropped in shock and eyes filled with awe and the smallest bit of hunger. That made your blush appear and deepen in record time as you let the boys in while Wanda and Nat put on some finishing touches to their looks. Sam easily complimented you whilst giving a friendly peck on the cheek while Steve did the same on the other one, making your entire face burn an even brighter red. Still unable to form actual words at the moment, you and James stood over by the door, sparing each other glances every few seconds. God, you felt like a teenager with her prom date all over again. Luckily, Nat brought you out of it by handing you a red clutch. Quickly taking a peek at what was inside, you found your Sling Ring alongside your lipstick, cards, and...condoms. Because of course, your friend would do that. 

Quickly snapping it back shut, you followed after the blond woman as she led the group over to the car that would be taking all of you to this dance club. James hadn’t been able to keep his eyes off of your form for more than a few seconds throughout the journey to the destination that Nat and Steve had been talking up to both of you, and from the looks on everyone else’s faces, that was intended. Granted, you hadn’t been faring much better. His dress shirt and slacks fit him very well, highlighting all of his (in your humble opinion) best assets. The vermillion hue of his shirt matched the star on your dress perfectly, and you paid a little too much attention around his waist and groin area due to his belt’s pattern being reminiscent of your magic wards and circles. 

You barely got to take in the general layout of the area before your group was escorted to a VIP lounge upon arriving. Making a note to T’Challa for all the strings he pulled for all of you despite not being able to attend himself (once your voice worked well enough for you to be able to ask Nat how the hell she even found out about this place), you smiled softly at the privacy that your group had been provided. 

The song that came on shortly after everyone had ordered their drinks made Nat burst into laughter while you gave a more subdued chuckle and Steve became the likeness to a strawberry. Sam, Wanda, and James looked at you with varying looks of confusion, and upon seeing that Nat had turned into a fit of giggles and Steve simply slid down his seat and further under the table, you explained, “Good ol’ Rogers here had to go to some very drastic measures for a mission about four years ago and performed one of the worst lap dances I have seen in my entire life to our unknowing informant to this little tune. The woman didn’t seem to mind all that much, though.”

“Because she was staring at his ass the entire time,” Nat finally managed to input after calming herself. 

Steve buried his face in his arms while you rubbed his back, helping him get through the embarrassment of the rest of the group cracking up at the mental image. Whilst that died down, Sam asked, “Where were you two then?”

“Nat and I were bartenders. And they were in the perfect spot for us to see everything,” you chuckled out whilst taking a sip of your drink, “And while she was trying to do everything in her power to keep from blowing our cover, I was coming up with half-assed excuses to explain why the hell one of the strippers may pass out from embarrassment.”

James patted the blond on the back in an attempt to console him, but the only thing that managed to convince Steve to come out of hiding was the arrival of the appetizers. Rolling your eyes at the blush still tinting his ears and nose, you ate your fill before Nat stood and offered you some time on the dance floor. Knowing her plan by now, you sighed as you took it asking, “Are we going to have a killer robot come after us again?”

“We won’t know ‘till we try.”

And so you let her lead you in a Fred Astaire; you had to give the club credit for having every genre of dancing music imaginable so that everyone had something to enjoy. It had been a while since you’d danced this style, but you and Nat were nothing if not graceful together.

A waltz tune began afterward, and the two of you followed after the music, you saying, “You’re getting a bit sloppy in keeping your plans a secret, Romanoff.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“So you’re just showing off to everybody else just for the hell of it?”

“Come on, _____. You needed something fun and I happily provided it. There’s no reason for you to think that I have ulterior motives.”

“So James and I being the only ones with matching outfits was a coincidence? Alongside the fact that you’re making sure he gets a good look at my ass every time we pass our table? Bullshit.”

She rolled her eyes as she responded, “What else would you expect when we all have watched you walk around the edge for months around each other only to make nothing happen? We all know that there’s something special between the two of you, but neither of you is taking the chance while it’s here.”

Shamed into silence, you let your friend twirl you around, and upon her bringing you back in, she continued, “It’s time to let that fear go, _____. Don’t worry about Tony or anything else that might come around later. Be happy now.”

Sighing, you nodded in agreement just before you heard someone walk towards the two of you and a familiar voice ask, “Mind if I cut in for this one?”

“Go ahead, Barnes. I’ve got to try and see if I can get Sam a date for the night,” Nat answered as she twirled you over to your fellow super-soldier. As soon as his back was turned, she sent you a wink. Letting out a silent chuckle, you and James assumed the position for the tango as he smiled at you and murmured, “You mentioned that Peg taught you, right?”

“Yeah. I’m just glad it’s getting some use after all this time,” you answered with a shy grin, making the blue-eyed man chuckle as he continued, “You look beautiful, by the way. I’m sorry it took me so long to say something.”

“Thank you, James. You look rather dashing yourself.”

He pecked you on the forehead before twirling you and bringing you back in, making you giggle as you said, “I know that Steve said you’d sweep women off their feet, but I think he understated your skill.”

“Well, I had to have something to back all that shameless flirting.”

“With that troublemaker grin? Uh uh.”

“It helped.”

You were brought into a whirlwind of James pulling out all the stops in attempting to impress you, making you laugh and smile more than you had in what felt like years. You especially hadn’t felt this free in months, so you could only imagine how he felt in these moments.

The song ended with you in a dip, you and your partner’s faces incredibly close as you felt that ever building tension ever so slowly reaching its peak. When he pulled you back up without increasing the distance, you asked, “Want to get away from the others for a while?”

“Only if you want to.”

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.”

He chuckled whilst you took his hand and led him over to the table, grabbed your purse, and bid Steve and Wanda a good night since Sam and Nat were over at the bar. He smiled through the small blush encompassing his face as he wished the two of you one as well. Chuckling at your friend, you and James made your way outside and to a more secluded spot as you pulled out your Sling Ring. Turning to him with a grin, you asked, “Do you trust me?”

“Of course I do. Why?”

“Because I know exactly where to go, and we’re going to need to use this.”

Upon bringing the ring up so that he could see it, the man’s eyes gleamed with excitement as he said, “Lead the way.”

Once you brought the portal up, you took hold of his and asked, “Ready?”

“Absolutely.”

Just like that, the two of you walked through. You were just glad that James was able to stomach this form of travel.

As he took in his new surroundings, he asked, “Where are we?”

“This is...well, more of a vacation/future real retirement home. My apartments in DC and New York are primarily for work. Whenever I could get a reasonable amount of time off, this is where I lived. Not even Tony knows about it.”

He looked over the photographs on the walls, spotting one of you and your brother standing back to back with your arms crossed, classic Stark smirks on your faces with crowns made of nuts and bolts respectively on your heads. He chuckled at the image, making you smile as you said, “He insisted that we owned every bit of those nicknames. And he worked way too hard on those crowns for me to say no.”

“It suits you.”

Shaking your head, you wrapped your arms around James’ neck and leaned closer, your lips meeting just as his hands landed on your hips. And it wasn’t just a spark; it was a fireworks finale on Independence Day.

Steve and the others didn’t see the two of you until early evening the next day.


	25. Assassins, Huh?

It felt like nothing could take the grin off your face upon coming back to Wakanda. Not even Nat and Sam’s sniggering or the hours of listening to Ross’ voice upon continuing your research for hours on end. After all, having someone as good for you as James put a bit of a hop in your step alongside the fact that you convinced four UN members into rethinking their mindset in regards to the Accords.

Hell, even Tony could see just how happy the man made you after his initial temper tantrum (in which, thankfully, he’d shut down every bit of tech that had recording software). Granted, you were more amused than you probably should have been upon watching him swear like a sailor and destroy a prototype “toy” as you sat by his desk, patiently waiting for him to get it out of his system. Once you deemed it safe to approach your brother, you said, “I don’t expect you two to be drinking buddies any time soon, Tony. I’d be an idiot to think that. But I wasn’t going to keep this a secret. I learned from last time.”

“He’s tried to kill you, _____.”

“Like I have to you or Steve or who knows how many others when I wake up still thinking I’m in that room. It’s not any different, Tony.”

“You didn’t kill--”

“And we’ve talked about this before. If it hadn’t been him, it would have been another HYDRA puppet.”

“What about all those other people?”

“I killed an entire village in one go.”

He slumped into Bruce’s unused space as he put his face in his hands and said, “I can’t forgive him, _____. I can’t.”

“I know that. I’m not asking you to. I just want you to know that I...really do love him, Tony. And I know that there’s a high chance you won’t ever forgive him, but James...he makes me feel like I deserve to be alive. It’s been years since I’ve been so confident in that feeling, Tony. And I can’t give him up.”

“So I have to choose an ultimatum, huh?”

Rubbing his back, you responded, “I am so sorry, Tony.”

“Don’t be sorry. He...He makes you happy, and our family’s had a hard time finding it. I’m not saying that I won’t do anything stupid. Just...thank you for telling me,” your brother managed to get out, to which you pecked him on the forehead and asked, “Are you sure you’re not mad at me?”

“You learned your lesson the first time, Bolts. Honestly, I should’ve seen it coming the moment you told me what was going on at your place. I just….I don’t know what to think or how I feel about any of it right now.”

Giving him a playful shove to the shoulder, you chuckled out, “Don’t tell me that this is the one thing that makes you speechless. Everybody’ll have a field day if that’s the case.”

He shook his head with a subtle thumb pointing over to his recording software as he said, “There. Booted right back up, just like I told him. Ross needs to stop putting these system updates on hold.”

“I better be heading out then. Can’t be breaking any rules or Mr. Secretary will have my head.”

Just as you were about to press the button to the elevator, your brother called out your name. Turning to face him again, he said, “Be careful with this guy. I don’t want you getting hurt from this.”

“I will. Don’t do anything stupid, okay?”

“Scout’s honor.”

“You were never a Scout.”

“Just let me have this one.”

Shaking your head at his antics, you summoned the elevator and stepped inside to make your way out into the city once again. Your still relatively good mood was soured the moment you entered your apartment and spotted the typed note on your fridge:

**I’ve been LONGING to see you again. Unfortunately, that old pocket knife you gave me is RUSTED. Did you know that I’ve had that since I was SEVENTEEN? It was DAYBREAK the day you two left, and it was hot as a FURNACE; I pitied you two for your NINE hour flight. You were so BENIGN back then, but everyone could see that you’d changed at HOMECOMING. Funny how ONE bad event can color someone’s view on life. And don’t get me started on that damn FREIGHT CAR. We’ll be here all night.**   
**He won’t be able to overcome this, Stark. Just like you never overcame Emma’s death.**

Tearing the paper from your fridge, you took a photo before you folded and placed it into your wallet muttering, “Shit, shit, shit.”

Grabbing your gun, you made a quick sweep of your apartment whilst casting a spell to ensure any security equipment and recording software that could catch you doing something you shouldn’t from being able to do so, you found the area clear. Sending the photo over to Steve, you then called your friend.

The first ring had been maybe halfway through when he answered asking if you were okay, to which you assured him before explaining, “None of my windows are broken and my locks haven’t been tampered with. The fucker probably disabled every security system within a block to make sure they weren’t caught by anyone, Ross included. Is there anyone besides me that knows about his case, not on the premises? Or has anyone raised suspicion?”

“We’re going over everyone’s files now. But _____, this note sounds personal. Who else would know about Emma?”

“At least half of James’ doctors were mine once, Steve. Any one of them could have thought ‘Screw confidentiality’ and told the asshat responsible. And I’ve never given anyone a pocket knife except for back in my--”

You had glanced at the reflection of your fridge just in time to dodge out of the way of the bullet aimed for you. As you started letting loose on the swearing, Steve called your name only for you to answer him saying, “Either the perp’s a sniper or they’ve hired one. And the bastard owes me a new fridge door and a replacement for my window.”

“Did you get a good look at their location?”

“No. Just spotted the damn red light. The only warning I had before I dodged outta hell.”

“You’ve got to come back to Wakanda. We can figure this out and catch the perp.”

“And risking everything we’ve worked on for the last two years blowing up in our faces? Are you nuts?”

“You’re in danger out there. Coming back at least ensures your safety and allows us to come up with an actual plan. _____, please--Shit, Buck. How much did you hear?”

Gritting your teeth, you attempted to determine where the shot came from while your two fellow super-soldiers argued like an old married couple in your ear, only for someone to start banging on your front door. And they sure as hell didn’t sound like concerned or angry neighbors. Cursing once again, you murmured, “I’ll call you back.”

“Doll, do not hang--”

You hit the end button and silenced your phone before James could finish the demand and sighed as you snuck your way over to your windows to shut all of your blinds and curtains. Just as silently making your way to your front door, you looked through your peephole to see someone that resembled a miniature Hulk on the other side. Knowing that you were supposed to be out of practice, you swore under your breath and ran to your room to grab your Sling Ring and summon a portal straight to downtown, swiping a nearby baseball cap before picking up your phone to dial Steve’s number again, only for your poor boyfriend to answer it asking, “Are you okay? What’s going on? Where are you?”

“First, put the phone on speaker so that Steve can be a part of the conversation.”

Once he had done so, you explained, “I’m fine. They had a mini Hulk trying to break down my door, but I went through a portal.”

“Are you on base? Your alert hasn’t come up yet,” Steve responded, to which you sighed and answered, “No. Downtown NYC.”

“What are you waiting for, Doll? They’re trying to kill you. You need to come back.”

“Not until I’m sure they haven’t put a bug on me. I’m heading to Tony’s now.”

“Shuri’s ensured that any bugs would be disabled as soon as you got here.”

“And the people responsible more likely than not know the security protocols...I’ll be back soon. Just give me an hour. Please.”

“...One hour, Doll. If you’re not back here, I’m coming myself. I will, _____. I mean it.”

“I know you do, James, which is why I’ll see you in--”

You hissed in pain when the bullet landed in your shoulder. Stopping yourself from collapsing, you ran, zigzagging and putting as much distance between you and civilians as possible despite them running in all directions. You heard both men on the other line call out your name, to which you spat out, “I hate it when you’re right.”

Sprinting into a nearby alley, you made a portal into a pocket dimension with a change of clothes, hopped through, stripped and redressed, and made another portal straight to Steve’s room just as your adrenaline kicked the can, leading you to collapse onto the floor. James was there immediately to keep the pressure on your wound while Steve called medical personnel, and you had just enough energy to hiss out, “Bastard has some shitty aim.”


	26. Getting the Story Straight

And so here you were, laying on your stomach as Shuri went about removing the bullet from your shoulder while your poor boyfriend stood next to you. Hell, both you and the princess were cracking jokes in an attempt to calm him down because you’d been shot more than a few times in your career. 

Alas, James had never really seen you out in the field except for the few times he had been the one attempting to kill you, and in all honesty, that hadn’t been all that much to go on. As soon as you were brought in, Steve began personally looking over the staff files to figure out who the hell wanted you dead so badly now of all times, so it was the three of you: two mildly amused women and one ever worried man.

James hadn’t so much as cracked a grin at any of your jokes. And some of them were pretty damn good, in your opinion. So you sighed and took his hand as you said, “I’m fine hun. I’ve lived through worse.”

He finally looked directly at you, and you realized just how broken up he was over this as he responded, “I heard you get shot, _____. I heard you hit the goddamn ground. And for a moment, I thought that you’d died. And it would have been all my fault.”

“James, what happened was not your fault. Whoever is behind all of this--”

“Knows my activation phrase.”

Upon receiving the all-clear from Shuri that you had been patched up the old-fashioned way (since everyone else out in the world knew that you had just been shot and didn’t have Wakanda’s technology, or that the rest of the world even knows it exists), you stuck your tongue out at her cheeky grin as she made her exit. Slowly sitting up, you wrapped your arms around your boyfriend’s waist and said, “So does Steve, Sleuth, the rest of your doctors, and every on-the-run hero, James. I’m the perp’s target, and they’re trying to get to me by using what hurts you to harm me. It is in no way your fault.”

He placed his forehead against your own as he attempted to argue, “But I--”

“No buts, Barnes. This is not your fault. And it is never going to be your fault.”

He pecked your forehead before bringing you into his embrace, resting his chin on the top of your head as you responded, “You’re not going to let this go unless I agree with you, right?”

“Exactly...We’ll figure this out, James. We’ve got Steve on our side, for one.”

“And he’s too stubborn to quit.”

“So we’ll be okay.”

He chuckled as he relaxed in your embrace, only for your phone to ruin the moment by going off. Checking the Caller ID and seeing that it was Tony, you sighed and put it on speaker before setting it on the table next to you as you greeted, “Hi, Nuts.”

Cue the explosion of questioning from your brother, making you cover James’ mouth to keep his snickers silent despite him being in just as bad of a state of panic not even an hour earlier. Once Tony got everything out of his system and was assured that you were okay, you said, “We’re working on finding the person responsible as we speak. I’m fine. It didn’t even hit any major nerves or ligaments, so I just have to wait for the injury to heal. I’ll be back out in the world soon enough. Can’t have Ross more suspicious than he already is.”

James stiffened at that, retort ready, but one look at you shut him up real quick. As much as everyone hated to admit it, it was for the best that you left as soon as possible.

Tony sighed out, “Okay. I’ve got you in the closest private hospital’s system. You’re on bed rest as we speak.”

“Thanks, Tony. Don’t worry about me so much, okay?”

“With our luck, I have all the reason to.”

You chuckled as you hung up, pecked your boyfriend on the lips, and said, “I’ll see you soon, you know?”

“Doesn’t mean I have to like it. _____, I can’t...lose you.”

“You won’t. I’m tougher than I look, you know.”

He shook his head before pulling away as he said, “We’ll keep you updated. Just stay alive. Please.”

Hooking his pinky with your own, you said, “Pinky swear. Now I have to keep my word.”

He chuckled before watching you leave the room. Once you had, you went straight to Steve, hugged him, and updated him on the plan. The Captain sighed at the reality of the situation, but he’d known you long enough to not even bother trying to convince you to do otherwise, so instead, he said, “We’ll find him, _____.”

“Or her. Or them,” you teased before squeezing his shoulder as you continued, “I better get going before Ross pays a visit to my hospital room. He’ll want to find something to arrest me for as soon as possible.”

Bidding the man goodbye, you made a portal straight to your room (Thank you text message from Tony), appearing before one Pepper Potts standing there holding an open hospital gown. Getting into the damn thing and putting on the hospital socks, you crawled into bed and laid down as a nurse came in to hook you up to all the machines. Thanking both for their help, Pepper responded, “Between you and Tony, you’d think I’d be used to this.”

Once the nurse left, you asked, “Is he keeping Ross away?”

“For the moment. But now that you’re here, you better prepare for the worst.”

Chuckling before a yawn escaped, you knew that your future sister-in-law noticed the bags under your eyes as she said, “Your nightmares have been coming around more often again, haven’t they?”

“It’s that damn box. It’s gotten me on the fritz,” you responded before hearing a knock on the door before the woman that you presumed to be your doctor as she smiled and asked, “Dr. Stark, how’s the wound?”

“Hurts like hell, but I’ll live,” you chirped out, to which the woman chuckled as she introduced herself and went over for the next couple of weeks as she inserted all of your IVs. You simply smiled and nodded before she left so that you could get some rest. Pepper shook her head at you before your attention was brought to the door by another knock. Your smile grew when Tony came in with a dozen of your favorite flowers as he asked, “You okay there, Bolts?”

“I am getting tired of people asking me that question. I’ve been shot before; this is nothing new.”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t usually happen whilst you’re a civilian walking around downtown.”

Rolling your eyes, you motioned your brother over and wrapped your good arm around him in a hug as you responded, “‘Retire,’ they said. ‘It’ll be a long vacation,’ they said.”

Tony returned the embrace before placing the flowers in a nearby vase and turning back to you as he said, “Ross won’t be here until tomorrow. I managed to convince him that you weren’t the type to run away from the hospital.”

You snorted at that, to which your brother shrugged as he continued, “Well, once you’re finally here, anyway.”

He and Pepper began conversing with you, only for your eyes to start drooping about five minutes in. Chuckling, your brother said, “Get some sleep, Bolts. We’ll still be here when you wake up.”

You managed a nod before passing out.


	27. God? It's Me, _____.

You’d found yourself in a familiar field and chuckled upon hearing a familiar chirpy woman say, “Don’t tell me you finally kicked the can, Sneak. I will punch you if you have.”

Turning to face Emma, you said, “No. I’m just too damn exhausted that I’m close enough. Any idea on who the asshole that shot me was?”

Your best friend snorted as she answered, “Sorry. I can only see so much when I’m checking in on somebody. All I know is that they were too damn close to have missed a sniper shot that badly. When the hell was the last time you were here anyway?”

“Six years ago. That was a shitty mission,” you chuckled out. That was when you were still a SHIELD agent. It was one of the few times that you and Natasha weren’t very successful in refraining from being injured.

Looking around at the various flowers of what Emma liked to call Eden to get your mind off of the reason behind your last visit and said, “I’m starting to think you got the better deal, what with everything that’s happened.”

“I didn’t tell you to become a super-soldier, hun. That was all you. But you gotta admit that it’s not all bad. I mean, you got to kiss Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes. I am so jealous of you.”

Of course she’d bring that up, so you shook her head, only for her to give you a toothy grin as she took your hand and said, “You look tired, _____. I know that box is scary, but you shouldn’t let them control you like this.”

“I’ll be okay. It just takes some getting used to again. I honestly thought that I was never going to see them again.”

She shook her head at you this time before she said, “You knew that your power would be restored one way or another, Sneak. What you’re scared of is the unknown bad guy that you have to use it on.”

“...You’ve got me there, Em.”

She wrapped an arm around you as she continued, “You know what? This time you’ll be able to control it.”

You rolled your eyes at that and scoffed out, “And why is that?”

“Because you have a hell of a lot more to fight for this time around. You may have had your family, but you knew that they could go on without ya. And I don’t know about the rest of the Avengers, but Tony and Bucky are not going to be able to pick themselves up like the rest of them.”

“And what if your faith is misplaced, Em? What if I end up destroying the world I was trying to save?”

You kept your gaze on the horizon as you continued, “The only reason I’ve kept in control for so long is because of the limits I have. If I take those away, I’m the next Hulk.”

It was silent for a few moments before your best friend responded, “You worry too much. Have a little faith in yourself. If it comes down to it, and that’s a big if, you’ve got people that can bring you back.”

Before you could respond, you spotted a familiar light in the distance and sighed out, “Guess our time’s up. You’ll have to lecture me more next time.”

“You know you need it, and I know that you appreciate it.”

At that, you chuckled out, “Whatever you say.”

Emma then made her way over to that bright light, gave you a salute, and disappeared, to which you laid down and closed your eyes only to open them to see that you were back in your hospital bed as you heard your brother shout from the hall, “Ross, she was shot yesterday. She’s not in the mood to be talking to anybody, let alone the person trying to imprison her for being the victim.”

“I am doing no such thing, Stark. I am trying to find the culprit responsible for attempting to assassinate your sister in the middle of New York City as well as her apartment.”

“She needs rest.”

You sighed and turned to face one Miss Potts, to which she shook her head at the argument before she mouthed, ‘Ready?’

Taking a deep breath, you called out, “Tony, just let the man in. The sooner we get this done, the sooner I can go back to sleep.”

The voices outside your door halted at that before the two shuffled inside, Ross almost looking apologetic for having woke you up. Keeping yourself from rolling your eyes, you asked, “So, Mr. Secretary. I thought I was supposed to be the regular everyday civilian. Why isn’t the NYPD in charge of my case then?”

“Miss Stark, considering the special circumstances that revolve around your case, you understand why I am here.”

“Oh, I understand. That does not mean I have to like it though,” is what you wanted to say, but you kept that one to yourself as you said, “Very well. Let’s get this done and over with.”

Seeing the glint of arrogance in his eyes that he tried so very hard to hide, you stopped yourself from giving him any indication of you knowing his game had already been set into motion. It was his fault for underestimating you, after all. So you answered his questions and internally relished in the frustration growing from him being unable to get something out of you that would incriminate yourself. You could tell that he hated it and wanted anything that would put a stop to your work on ending the Accords.

After about an hour of going back and forth, Ross finally asked the question that you knew he had been wanting to ask from the get-go: “Miss Stark, why have you begun your work for putting an end to the Accords?”

Pursing your lips and feigning ignorance, you asked, “You have a family, correct?”

At his (slightest bit hesitant) nod, you said, “And yet you don’t know why I am working to put an end to the Accords?”

“Yes, Miss Stark, otherwise I wouldn’t have asked the question/ Would you give me the courtesy of a proper answer?”

Chuckling, you looked him in the eye and answered, “Because half of the people I love--my family--have become the world’s most wanted due to the Accords. So tell me, Mr. Secretary, would you do anything in your power to keep your family free and safe and happy?”

“We’re not here to talk about the actions I would take to protect my family, Miss Stark. We are here to figure out why someone has decided to attempt to publicly and privately assassinate you.”

“And I thought that we were doing so in a civil manner, Mr. Secretary. Does that mean that I am not allowed to ask questions?”

Tony then piped in saying, “You may as well entertain her, Ross. She’s got enough pain meds in her system to tranquilize an elephant, and when she’s like this she won’t let it go.”

You chuckled again at that before you said, “So, Mr. Secretary, would you do anything for your family?”

His jaw was clenched so tightly that you thought he was going to pop a blood vessel before he relaxed again and answered, “I would.”

“That’s why I’m working on putting an end to the Accords. Because no matter how poor the decisions we make are, the Avengers are a family. We help and protect our own as much as we do the world.”

After a few more questions, Ross bid you a stiff farewell and made his way out of the hospital, and once he’d made his way down the hall, you said, “Tony, could you take his briefcase over to him. He left it underneath my bed.”

He nodded, taking the fucking bugged briefcase back to its owner. Once you knew that Pepper was the only other person in the room, you asked, “Is there any way that I can be discharged now? I’d much rather be at Tony’s place than here.”

“I’ll look into it. Are you sure that you’ll be okay on your own?”

“I’ll be fine as long as I can leave.”

She chuckled, placed your phone that she had been using to record the conversation into her purse, and made her way to the front desk to see when you could go home. Closing your eyes for a few moments to take in the relative peace, they fluttered open upon hearing Tony ask, “Wanna walk around for a while?”

“Let’s wait until Pepper gets back. She’s asking when I can go home.”

Your brother nodded and sat in the chair next to your bed as he said, “We have some pretty shitty luck, huh Sneak?”

Your eyes narrowed at the nickname. Only Emma ever called you Sneak, and you’d never even told Tony about it, and he already got a kick out of calling you Bolts, so you asked, “Who the hell are you?”

The impersonator chuckled as he pulled out a controller, disabling whatever security systems were near or within the room as he said, “You always have been so attentive to detail, _____. It’s why Emma trusted you more than anyone else in the world.”

He then removed the device that made his face into your brother’s as well as the clothing, stuffing them into a biohazard can before he put on scrubs and continued, “I am here to give you the courtesy of a warning. Why my boss insisted I not kill you here, I’ll never know.”

Your eyes narrowed further as you kept your gaze on him, prepared to remove your IV and stab the man in the jugular if it became necessary. Rather than come back to you, he made his way to the door saying, “You already know he’ll try again. It must be so irksome to not know who he is though. Let’s just say he’s an old friend. Until next time, Miss Stark.”

He left without another word, and you gritted your teeth and stopped yourself from going after him. As much as you wanted to, you knew that would be playing right into the bastard’s hands.


	28. Surprise!

You somehow managed to put up the front of everything being fine once Tony and Pepper returned with the news that you’d be able to go home. Hardly able to remain in your wheelchair the whole way out to the entrance, you nearly scared your poor doctor to death the second you hopped up and bolted into Tony’s backseat. Your brother assured the poor woman that you would not overwork yourself, only believing it would happen when Pepper gave her word, too. With that, the three of you went to your brother’s place.

Tony looked at you through the rearview mirror and said, “You know, I may run out of money after paying for your doctors’ medical bills after treating you.”

You stuck your tongue out before pretending to listen to Pepper’s spiel about the two of you needing to stop being so reckless. 

As soon as you arrived, you managed to hole yourself up in the guest room to get away from Tony’s Sudden Mother Hen Syndrome. Knowing that Pepper still had your phone, you looked through the duffel bag she’d packed for you along with the clothes on your person to remove any bugs placed there, intentionally or otherwise. Quickly taking out your wallet, you removed all of your cards and checkbook, leaving the cash you’d practically hoarded in it for situations like this before placing it back in your pocket. Quickly writing a quick note, you put your Sling Ring on and summoned a portal to your apartment to grab your burner phones that Tony didn’t already know and any other cash that you had on hand before closing it and summoning another (Honestly, for a genius, your brother was pretty dense at times), walking through and turning to watch it close just in time to see Pepper running into the room in an attempt to catch you.

She was too late. And you now had no easy method of being tracked. Looking around the horizon of the small town, you grabbed one of your burners from your bag and called Steve. When he answered, you said, “Tell me you’ve got something, Steve. One of the bastard’s lackeys was in my hospital room.”

“_____, something happened.”

He sounded guilty. That was never a good sign. So you prepared yourself for the worst as you asked, “What exactly happened?”

“There’s been an incident with Buck.”

Your phone nearly fell out of your hand as you took a deep breath and asked, “Was it another episode? Is everyone okay?”

“T’Challa thought that it would be best for Buck to go somewhere without many people around, and I don’t have the authority to disagree.”

“Steve, what the hell happened?”

“He tried to escape the base to kill you, _____. Before he was tranquilized, he kept screaming that his mission was to...to ‘make the younger Stark unrecognizable.’ Whoever is responsible knew another backup to his phrase and gave him the order. Shuri managed to find the device and destroy it before he was transferred to another location. None of us are allowed to see him until he gets better.”

As you took in all this information, you pinched your nose and murmured, “So whoever is after me is a former HYDRA agent that was high up on the food chain. As if things couldn’t get any worse.”

“_____, this man wants to destroy everything you’ve worked for before he kills you. You need backup.”

“And you need to stay in hiding. I’ve still got a few tricks up my sleeve, Rogers.”

“...Okay. You win. Don’t die out there, _____.”

“I won’t. Promise.”

You then hung up and dialed another number, and upon hearing a familiar gruff voice answer, you asked for his location. Once he gave it to you, you summoned another portal right in front of the bar and walked in, sitting next to and smiling at the burly man nursing a beer as he said, “You have some shitty luck, Stark.”

Accustomed to his standard welcome, you chuckled out, “Honestly, Logan. Tell me something I don’t know."

Meanwhile, in Wakanda, Steve had just tossed his phone onto the desk in front of him as he rubbed his temples and took a few moments to calm himself after delivering the news. You may not have shown it, but he had known you long enough to know when you were at your limit. The man nearly jumped out of his chair when Wanda entered the room and said, “_____ is far stronger than you like to think she is.”

“...Any luck finding our double agent?”

“Yes. She’s being taken to interrogation as we speak. All she said was a name.”

“Who?”

“Someone from _____’s life before SHIELD. His name is Michael Jones. Do you know of him?”

“No. And the name was never in HYDRA’s files, but that doesn’t mean much. It could be an alias, but something about the name Jones sounds familiar,” he responded before he looked over to see Sam cross-checking people from your past on another computer. It didn’t take too long at all to find a match, and Steve turned pale at the latest turn of events before he had Sam send you the info that you’d need on your nth backup email before he sent you a quick text, suddenly relieved that you had made him stay where he was. You were going to be pissed.

You and Logan had just made it to a safehouse, him grumbling on about how you always got him into one shitty situation or another. He hadn’t changed a bit in the years since you’d last seen him.

You were brought out of your reverie when he asked, “Who’s the bub that pissed you off this time?”

“We’ll know as soon as Steve does.”

“So I’m your human shield until then?”

“No. You’re one of the few people I know that will let me kill the bastard the second we find him.”

You got a chuckle out of him on that one. Granted, Logan attempted to cover it up as a cough, but he knew that he failed the moment he saw your amused smirk. He rolled his eyes as he downed his beer when you’d received a text from Steve, which made you raise an eyebrow. There was no way that they’d found the leak and they gave in that fast; it had barely been an hour. Then again, the man responsible seemed hell-bent on being the one to kill you himself. So you brought out your phone and read: 

**Check your email. Now.**

When you had, you nearly crushed the phone in your hand.

Michael Jones, Emma’s ex-husband, was the HYDRA agent after your head.

Logan took the phone away from you and motioned over to the next room, to which you then proceeded to turn the dining room table into splinters. Once you finished up with that, you took a few deep breaths before your friend asked, “Who is this bub, Stark?”

You scoffed out, “He’s the reason my best friend is dead. He’s the one behind it all. He was the inside agent that made me into the bomb that I am today.”


	29. Found You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! Towards the end of this chapter and for the next couple of chapters, there is/will be violence/torture that may be disturbing to some readers. You have been warned.

Once you finally calmed yourself down enough to go through the files that Sam and Steve had forwarded you to (after finally remembering the fucking password to your nth email), the leak in Wakanda began to make a hell of a lot more sense. Nicole Smith was your designated SHIELD therapist before you found Jack. She knew more than enough to be Michael’s inside woman, especially since he was her mentor.

Gritting your teeth, you muttered, “The fucking bastard had been spying on me from the get-go. He put everything into motion for me to join SHIELD. He’s...the one that ruined her and gave the order to kill her.”

Logan skimmed over the reports over your shoulder as you read everything that Steve had sent you, and when he smelled blood, he looked down to your hand to see that you had clenched it so hard to injure yourself. He grabbed your wrist, bringing you out of your headspace long enough to notice it too. Setting down your phone, you shuffled over to the bathroom to grab a first aid kit and patch yourself up whilst your friend crossed his arms and grumbled out, “There’s more to it than that. Just tell me.”

Remaining silent as you finished patching yourself up, you double-checked your gunshot wound to make sure that the stitches were holding before you said, “They were married for three years and met while Em and I were still stationed in the States.”

Going back to the kitchen, you grabbed a beer and chugged about half of it despite knowing you weren’t going to get a buzz and continued, “They were happy for a while, but then we were sent to Afghanistan, and he became distant. Hell, he didn’t even pick her up from the airport the day we came home from what was supposed to be our last tour. I drove her home myself since I was surprising Ted since he was out-of-state on a business trip, only for her to see that sorry bastard fucking some other woman in their bed.”

You’d never seen your friend so broken or angry as he chased after her when she made her way straight back to your car. Your training had kicked in when you saw that he was about to hit her. The next thing you know, your fist was stinging and his nose was bleeding and you and Emma were rushing back to the car, your friend sobbing the entire journey back to your place. 

Your eyes started watering again and you wiped away your tears, took a deep breath, and finished, “And it turns out that it was all part of his big plan to get me to become their most recent Winter Soldier. It got Em and me on that fucking tour. He sent our coordinates to the enemy just before SHIELD started ‘looking into recruits’ for another super-soldier experiment.”

Finally turning your gaze back to the man that’s fought in more wars than you could count, you said, “My entire young adult life was made under HYDRA’s design because of Michael Jones, or whatever the hell the bastard’s real name is. He turned me into a goddamn monster, and I played right into his hands. Every. Fucking. Time.”

That’s what pissed you off the most. You hadn’t even realized it until after HYDRA had been exposed. And once it had, you knew that someone was behind you becoming a super soldier, but you never thought that it would have been someone this invested in your past.

Wiping away your tears of frustration as you crumpled to the ground and came to this conclusion, you said, “All that fucking training and I couldn’t see the man responsible right in front of me.”

Logan kneeled next to you and responded, “You were still a kid and that bastard took advantage of it.”

Not quite believing him, you stood up on shaky legs while he clapped a hand on your shoulder before he went out to get the two of you something to eat as you continued looking through the files that Steve and Sam had sent you. You paused upon coming across a photo of you, Ted, Michael, and Emma at their wedding reception. The four of you looked so happy, you playfully kissing your best friend on the cheek whilst Michael stared at her with only love and adoration in his eyes.

There wasn’t any tells as to what his plans were. Absolutely nothing that would give someone an indication of the things he was going to do.

Your burner phone went off again, and upon recognizing the number, you answered, “Please tell me that you’ve got something from Smith.”

“We’ve got a location but he wants you to come alone.”

“Of course he does. Any updates on James?”

“Nothing. I’m sorry, _____.”

You smiled despite yourself as you replied, “Nothing for you to be sorry for, Steve. I just need to get this done and over with.”

With that, he gave you the address, making the blood drain from your face. When he didn’t receive any confirmation, he asked, “_____? What’s wrong?”

“It’s my house. I’ll call you back later.”

“When did you--”

Hanging up before he could finish, you grabbed every weapon that you could think of that was hidden in the safehouse. By the time Logan got back, you’d changed into a spare SHIELD suit and were ready to go as you made a portal. Rolling his eyes, Logan followed your lead, and upon arrival, a gun was pressed to your temple as Michael said, “I gave you explicit instructions to come alone, Stark. Seems you can’t even follow basic orders properly.”

Logan was shot in the head four times before he hit the ground and you’d stabbed the bastard in the shoulder and grabbed his gun before someone else slammed something on the back of your head, making your world turn back.


	30. Memory Lane Ain't All It's Cracked Up to Be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! This chapter contains violence/torture/emotional instability and mentions of physical domestic abuse! You have been warned!

You were brought back to consciousness from what felt like hundreds of gallons of freezing water being thrown on top of you. As you sputtered and coughed trying to regain the air that left you from the shock, your body immediately froze upon hearing a familiar baritone say, “I thought Peggy taught you better manners than that, _____. Surely she’d be disappointed in the fact that you haven’t greeted your guests properly. Then again, we’re no longer in your home and I was a bit rude, so I apologize.”

Despite your body starting to shiver madly again, you observed that you were in the basement of Emma and Michael’s old house. No wonder he was so damn cocky. He was on his home turf.

Facing forward, you spotted the camera and streaming equipment in front of you, the blinking red light taunting you.

**Figures that the death of a Stark would be broadcasted.**

“Aren’t you going to say hello? Flash that classy Stark smile at the camera?”

His auburn hair had a hell of a lot more silver in it than the last time you’d seen the rotten bastard. He deserved all the stress he got over the years, so you held no pity for him. And you sure as hell weren’t going to give him the satisfaction of your obedience, so you responded, “Here I thought HYDRA trained the best in keeping things off the public record. How far did you get before you were fired?”

Cue the harsh smack to your face, which only led to you chuckling as you continued, “Still haven’t changed one bit, Michael. Always had the urge to hit something when you got angry. That’s old news at this point, bud.”

His brown eyes told you just how much he wanted to smack you again, but he stopped himself and responded, “And you’re still a cocky little shit, Stark. I would have thought that all of the trauma you caused would have taught you to be a little more humble.”

“Stop trying to cover it all up. There’s no coming back from this now. You’re the one with the live coverage, right? How far does that reach out exactly?”

He moved to your side, a feral grin plastered on his face as you tested out the shackles he’d put you in.

Well, shit. They had to be adamantium.

Michael finally answered your question upon you realizing just how screwed you were saying, “With your brother’s technology, this is worldwide. Every news channel is covering this, _____. Even pit stains like Wakanda are going to watch you die by my hand.”

Rolling your eyes, you asked, “Why not just kill me without leaving a trace? Why the show?”

“Really, Colonel. I thought that you were smarter than that. The public deserves the know the secrets you’ve kept and the lies you’ve told before you die. They deserve to know the truth from your own mouth.”

Michael then walked directly behind you, restraining your head as he faced the camera and continued, “You see, this woman was one of HYDRA’s finest creations upon infiltrating into SHIELD. I was the man in charge of shaping her into the world’s best soldier. Albeit, without her knowing until it was too late.”

He then placed his hands on your shoulders, digging his nails into your skin as he dragged you and the chair you were chained to back a few feet. Hating the fear cementing itself in the pit of your stomach, you focused on keeping yourself in the present, already knowing that he was recreating the day you discovered your magic. You were not going to repeat that day even if it killed you.

“You see, dear world, I went undercover in late 2004 and had _____’s dear best friend Emma fall head over heels for me.”

The shock of the taser to your spine was expected, but you still had to grit your teeth to keep from crying out. You refused to give this bastard the satisfaction, no matter how much he put you through.

Once the taser stopped, it took you a few moments to stop twitching, which Michael took as the opportunity to continue his monologue saying, “You see, I was planted very early on in Miss Stark’s military, SHIELD, and Avenger career. Hell, I’m the reason she became part of the last two. You see, dear viewers, my darling ex-wife became as such due to her and the good Colonel finding out about my staged affair with another woman.”

To the goddamned second, he pulled your arm out of its socket, and you still refused to let out even a whine.

“That was because they needed some incentive to go on another tour as soldiers and fall right into my trap. ‘One more tour, Sneak. I need one last tour.’ Right, _____? That’s all that it took for you to be convinced to go out and risk your life again?”

You remained silent, which he took as an incentive to break two of your fingers and continue on as if nothing had happened despite the yelp that escaped your lips.

“Please _____, give the people the respect and decency they deserve by hearing the truth from your own lips.”

He then shattered your femur, and you couldn’t stop the scream that followed suit. Once the pain became a bit more bearable, you managed to say, “She was family at that point. And you ruined her life, you fucking bastard.”

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, what would the great Captain America think of that language? Do you think he’s watching right now?”

“Why...do you care?”

“He was your replacement for Emma, wasn’ he?”

Glaring at him, you said, “You’re quite the piece of shit, Jones.”

His eyes gleamed in glee as he laughed out, “You never even realized it, did you? All those years of studying psychology, and you couldn’t even see what you were doing to yourself?”

Calming his laughter down to a chuckle, he turned his attention back to the camera and said, “You see, some of my coworkers were sent on that same tour. And they were given explicit instructions to leak out their coordinates to ‘enemy forces’ with these instructions: kill Emma Jones, injure two others, and make sure Stark got out alive.”

He was bouncing on the balls of his feet in glee as he relayed every detail whilst simultaneously snapping your ulna in half. Upon seeing the bone actually breaking through the skin, you screamed obscenities to the man in virtually every language that you knew before he gagged your mouth with his grime-covered rag and said, “Think of the children, _____. They don’t need to learn those words from you.”

Michael pushed his hair out of his face as he turned to the camera again to continue his rendition of your life story. You could barely breathe, let alone beat the shit out of him like you wanted to. You were powerless even without your limbs being locked down by adamantium shackles preventing you from being able to use your magic.

Hell, if you didn’t know any better, you would have thought that the astral form of the man in front of you was nothing more than a hallucination.

Mordo floated in front of you, seeming to be contemplating what to do with you at that moment before opening a mind link and saying, “You still do not have your full power.”

“If you take what little I do have, there’s no way for me to claim the rest,” you responded, closing your eyes and lowering your head as you continued, “Go on, Mordo. I can die knowing that I will not kill more people with my damned magic.”

“If there was one matter in which the Ancient One was entirely honest about, it was you. She knew that you would reclaim the power she took eventually.”

“Then why are you here?”

He disappeared without answering you, making you nearly scream in frustration. 

**How dare he show up and just--**

“And so, every single one of you has me to thank for your hero, no matter if you love or hate her.”

Your gaze returned to the rotten bastard as he made his way back to you, removed your gag, and said, “Now, soldier. It’s time that you told me where in the world Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes are hiding.”

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t you dare lie now, _____. You know where they are. Tell me.”

“I already told you that I don’t know.”

He picked up a nearby bat, and with a Cheshire Cat grin, said, “One last chance before we do things the hard way, Stark. Where are Rogers and Barnes?”

You repeated, “I don’t know. And even if I did, I would die before I told you.”

“You can’t say that I didn’t warn you.”

You heard the impact before you felt it, and when you did, you really let out a scream.


	31. On Tony's End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! This chapter contains violence/gore/torture! You have been warned!

Logan sat up, spitting out the bullets only to see that you and the bastards responsible were long gone. Picking up your phone as he took a quick sniff to see if he could track you, he saw the message that you had been typing just before you summoned the portal to your old home. Growling under his breath at the fact that you expected this and didn’t warn him ahead of time, he reread:

**Call Tony. Tell him a dozen lilies need to be ordered. He’ll know what to do.**

And his number was right underneath the message. Spitting out some leftover blood, Logan growled out, “You little shit, Stark.”

Unfortunately, he also knew that you wouldn’t have done this unless there wasn’t a better way, but that didn’t stop being shot from hurting like hell. Logan dialed the number and waited a few moments before your brother answered, “Who the hell are you, and why are you calling?”

“A dozen lilies need to be ordered, Stark. Now why the hell are these assholes after her?”

All he got for a response was, “Shit! Where the hell is it!? FRIDAY, where’s the Lily program?” along with more than a few crashes before Tony said, “Ah-ha! There we go! Wait a minute--why the hell were you with my sister, Fur Ball?”

“Apparently I’m the only one she can trust right now, Tin Can. Now, what the hell is going on?”

“_____ had me implant a tracking device years ago as a just in case. Hell, I nearly forgot about it because it was never in SHIELD’s files, so HYDRA didn’t have a clue.”

Logan heard someone banging on Tony’s door, to which the billionaire called out, “Wait a goddamn minute!" before whispering to the X-Man, “Sending you the address now.”

“You’re not coming?”

“For all I know, I’m about to be arrested. Get her home, Fur Ball.”

Tony then hung up, to which Logan gritted his teeth, looked at the address, and grumbled out, “Why the fuck do I let them get me into this shit?”

He then grabbed the keys to your bike in the garage and raced down the road regardless. No matter how much trouble you got him into, you always came through in the end. As much as he hated to admit it, he owed you one at least a dozen times over still.

Tony hung up the phone and initiated a “glitching” sequence just as his door was broken down only to hear Mr. Secretary say, “Stark, you said that you would keep your sister in one place. Why the hell is she being tortured on every news channel in the world?”

“Why do you think I’m trying to find her? The bastard’s already blocked exactly where the signal’s coming from, and the equipment may have come from my company, but it’s not my goddamn design. I’ve only just managed to find a way to track my sister down and memorized the coordinates before my system crashed. Just let me bring her home.”

Ross turned his attention back onto the broadcast playing on the other side of the lab when Jones said, “Now, soldier. It’s time you told the world where Rogers and Barnes are hiding.”

The camera remained on your broken, bruised, and bloodied body as you responded, “I don’t know.”

Ross turned his gaze back onto Tony as he demanded, “Tell me the truth, Stark: does she know?”

“Of course she doesn’t fucking know, Ross. Do you not see her?”

Vision joined Tony, Ross, and the Secretary’s bodyguards and assistants as they watched you be tortured to death, no matter how many other valid points your brother brought up. The older Stark finally stood and walked straight to Ross saying, “If my little sister dies Ross, you and the Accords can go fuck themselves.”

“Your sister illegally used her powers to escape your supervision, Stark. She brought this one herself.”

“_____ did this to prevent civilian casualties because the man after her is batshit insane, and now you’re letting him kill her for doing what the Accords set out to do! I have her coordinates, Ross! Just give me the green light!”

“Miss Stark has done everything that you have asked of her. She is not a criminal. Letting this man kill her will give you nothing but enemies,” Vision pointed out as he walked closer to the screen.

“He has a point, Mr. Secretary. The bad PR from delaying assistance this long is not going to go well. To outright forbid a rescue attempt would destroy everything we’ve built,” one of his assistants pointed out, to which Tony said, “See? Even your own people are telling you what we already know.”

Ross took one last look at your bloodied face, spotting the desperation in your swelling eyes for every blow to be the one that ended it before he turned back to your brother and said, “Bring her home.”

Tony and Vision were flying out of the window in seconds.

And Steve felt himself sigh in relief upon hearing a news reporter say, “Iron Man and Vision are currently tracking down Mimic as we speak with support from Secretary Ross. Here’s hoping that Tony Stark will reach his sister in time.”

The super-soldier felt so much tension leave his body the moment that he saw both zipping through the sky. Sam set a hand on his friend’s shoulder as he said, “Took the bastard long enough.”

“It’s not over yet. He still needs to rescue _____,” Wanda said.

“He will. I have faith in him,” Steve responded before muttering, “Hang in there, Colonel.”

You had absolutely no idea how much time has passed and even less of an idea of what had transpired outside of the room you were in. All you knew was that your body was pain incarnate. How many injuries was it now? A couple of bruised/broken ribs, three toes, your nose, a nearly swollen shut eye, some cuts along your collar bone, a stab wound in your thigh--

“You can end it all right here and now, _____. Just admit that you betrayed the world and tell me where I can find Rogers and Barnes.”

“I-I don’t-t know, you insane b-bastard.”

You then started coughing up blood at that. Hell, why couldn’t he just take the final shot at this point?

“I see beating it out of you isn’t going to work. Why don’t we try something else?”

He rolled an ancient-looking television set and continued on with, “I think that you of all people have the right to see this. After all, you know the importance of December 16, 1991.”

Your whole body froze at that. Tony had mentioned that there was footage, but you thought that it was lost when the entire base in Siberia had been destroyed. You never wanted to watch it even if it had survived because you doubted that you would be able to handle it.

And now this bastard was going to show you your worst nightmare.


	32. Is it Too Late?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! This chapter contains torture/gore/ideologically sensitive material! You have been warned!

You’d attempted every fucking trick in the book to attempt to escape, but Michael wasn’t having any of it, and your body had become too broken to physically do all that much. Hell, you didn’t even have the energy to shut your one good eye in an attempt to prevent yourself from watching the tape.

Even if you did survive this encounter, he was going to ensure you were broken.

The bastard dared to pat your somewhat good leg as he said, “You know _____, I didn’t want it to come to this. But you became such a disappointment; do you know why?”

He didn’t even wait for a response as he continued, “Steve Rogers built up everything we destroyed when it came to you and Barnes. If not for him, both of you would have been HYDRA’s perfect soldiers, you without even knowing it. But fucking Rogers had to be found. And even now, when he chose the man that killed your parents over the Avengers, over you, you’re still protecting them.”

“I... don't know...where they are…”

He chuckled, put the tape in the player, and pressed play. And you watched James murder your parents. 

**No, not James, the Winter Soldier. James is a good man that had a shitty hand dealt to him.**

Oh, how you wished you could have believed your thoughts while your mother begged for her life after he killed your old man. All of a sudden, there was a gunshot and then silence before James shot the camera.

You couldn’t stop the tears that rolled down your cheeks as Michael asked, “Are you going to help your parents’ killer and the man that betrayed you for him?”

“Your eyes glazed over as you asked, “Who gave him the order?”

“...What?”

“Who gave Barnes the fucking order? If HYDRA could keep you out of their records, they could sure as hell hide that little tidbit.”

“Why the hell does it matter?”

You somehow managed to sound convincing to the general public as you answered, “Because HYDRA brainwashed James Buchanan Barnes... Made him...forget everything of his life before they captured him. What HYDRA did to him is what...what you’re trying to do to me. So who gave him the fucking order?”

Your glare at the man forced his mask to crack as he realized that you were still fighting against him. And you both knew that he didn’t want to admit it. So instead, he shook his head while placing his gun to your temple as he said, “You can’t even find it in you to redeem yourself. Such a shame. Amongst all this disgrace, at least I can end my career on a high note. Hail HYDRA.”

It was then that the power (and camera) went out and you heard a familiar gruff mutant say, “Get the fuck away from her, bub.”

You couldn’t even begin to describe the hot mess that was your emotional state at that moment. Michael had pulled the gun away and ran, your friends chasing after the bastard if the quick footsteps up the stairs were any indication. You could die without regrets at this point, and with the amount of blood you’d lost, that seemed pretty probable. Getting yourself as comfortable as you could manage, you calmed yourself as you waited for the inevitable.

The lights came back on as Logan dragged Michael’s body down the steps, and you were barely conscious when you asked, “He dead?”

“Not yet. Figured you’d want to do that yourself.”

Letting out a strained chuckle, you watched your old friend toss the bastard to the side, grab the set of keys for your restraints, and unlock them. As soon as you were set free, your body slumped in on itself and you heard your brother shouting your name. Luckily, Logan shouted out your location, and the next thing you know, there’s a giant hole in the ceiling and your brother was kneeling in front of you asking, “Can you stand Bolts?”

“...Not really. Tony...I’m tired…”

“I know, _____. I know. We’re gonna get you outta here. Just stay awake a little longer.”

“...Can’t…”

“Yes, you can. Just a little longer and you’ll be home.”

You lost consciousness before he could say another word, and so Tony went into full-on panic mode upon seeing your eyes roll into the back of your head. Logan, retaining some semblance of sanity, put something in your jacket pocket, picked you up as carefully as possible, and ordered your brother, “Take her to the hospital using that tin can of yours, Stark.”

For once, your brother didn’t give him a sarcastic remark and did what he was told. Once the two of you were gone, Logan turned his gaze onto Michael as Vision said, “I will remain here until the proper authorities arrive to take him into custody, Mr. Howlett. Considering your circumstances, it is for the best that you leave now while you still can.”

He growled back, “You make sure that sorry bastard pays for what he did to her.”

“I will do what I can.”

With that, the mutant made his way back to your bike muttering, “First the Mutant Registration Act and now these fucking Accords. When are people gonna learn that this shit causes more problems than they’re worth?”

Vision dragged the unconscious and adamantium cuffed man out with him as he followed after Wolverine, and so he said, “You tell Stark to let me know when she’s awake, you hear me? _____’s gonna need someone not in the middle of all this shit right now.”

At the purple man’s nod, he revved your bike’s engine and drove off.

Meanwhile, Tony had just arrived at the closest hospital’s emergency room calling out, “We need somebody! She’s losing a lot of blood!”

A few doctors and nurses jumped into gear, placing your broken and bruised body on a nearby gurney while Tony made his way out of his armor and followed after them. One of the doctors swore under his breath upon checking your heart rate as another one stood in front of your brother saying, “Mr. Stark, we’re going to have to take her into surgery. You can’t come any farther.”

“My sister needs me right now!”

“What she needs is the surgeon’s complete focus on her to save her life, and they can’t do that if you’re in the room inadvertently distracting them. We will update you as soon as we can. Please take a seat and wait.”

Your brother was about two minutes away from a nervous breakdown once he finally sat down while a nurse sat next to him and asked, “Mr. Stark, is there anyone that you want me to call?”

He cleared his throat and insisted, “No, I can do it. Thank you though.”

The nurse nodded and went back to his station as Tony somehow lifted his phone from his pocket, only for his hands to start shaking too badly for him to do much else. Closing his eyes, he took deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself down, focusing on every detail that he could think of the shitty chair he was sat upon. Once he finally managed to focus on what he needed to do, he opened his eyes, dialed the first number he could think of, and pressed the phone to his ear just in time to hear a somewhat familiar woman ask, “Tony, is _____ okay? Where are you?”

“I got her to the hospital, Sharon, but she’s in critical condition. I’ll send you the address as soon as I hang up. Could you...Could you let the rest of the family know?”

“Of course. We’ll be there as soon as we can. And Tony? Thank you for not forgetting us.”

“Don’t thank me yet.”

He then hung up the phone and texted the address before she could say anything else. He then proceeded to call Pepper, his voice cracking as he relayed the news again. She assured him that she, Rhodey, and Happy were on their way, and he could barely get his thanks out before hanging up once again. It was then that he remembered the burner phone that he’d swiped from your pocket (and Logan had put there) before you were placed on the gurney. Looking at the two numbers other than his own, he dialed the most listed of the recent calls, preparing himself for speaking to the man on the other line.

After a single ring, Steve Rogers answered the phone saying, “_____, thank God--”

“It’s not _____.”

“...How bad is it?”

Tony gritted his teeth as he summarized, “Critical condition. She passed out moments after I got there. And I’m scared shitless right now.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Nothing that won’t result in trouble. Anyway, one of us will call when we get any updates.”

“...I understand. _____ will pull through, Tony. She’s a stubborn one.”

“That’s what I’m hoping on,” he said before hanging up the phone. Now all that was left to do was wait for you.


	33. Not so Nice Welcome

“You know Sneak, you need to stop coming here so often. Next time should be in ten years, at least.”

Opening your eyes, you found yourself back in Eden, and since your friend wasn’t smacking you senseless just yet, you weren’t quite dead. Upon realizing this, you groaned, sat up, and asked, “What’s going on?”

“You’re currently on an operating table with way too many doctors sewing you up at the same time. Oh, and your brother’s doing everything he can to stop himself from having a panic attack.”

Your hazy memories came back to you from waking up in that basement to Tony’s arrival, your fingers rubbing your temples as you attempted to control yourself while you murmured, “You died because of me, Em.”

“It’s not your fault--” 

“How could you say that? The bastard used you to get to me. He killed you because you were important to me, Em. How is it not my fault?” you lashed out, standing on wobbly legs and attempting to stalk away, only for them to give out on you three steps in.

Emma sighed, kneeling next to you as she said, “He was a rotten bastard who wanted to use you just as much as he used me. What happened was not your fault. You caught the one responsible. You got Michael in the end.”

“I did it too late! All the people that I’ve killed because he relayed the order through who knows how many channels, all the people I’ve lost because of him, all the innocent lives that I destroyed. I was too late.”

You slammed your fists onto the ground to keep yourself from tearing out your hair, and all your friend could do was rub your back as you let it out. You had no idea just how long you kneeled there screaming and crying, but Emma, ever the loyal friend, stayed with you the entire time. When you’d used up enough energy to be forced to calm down, you embraced her as you babbled out an endless list of apologies.

Once you finally stopped blubbering, she pulled back enough to look you in the eye as she said, “None of this was your fault, _____. Michael was a greedy bastard that used you to do what he couldn’t do himself. It’s not your fault.”

“I… I still could have stopped doing it. I never should have gone through that experiment. I could have… have declined the offer.”

“And have another Hulk or something even worse? No offense, but one is enough trouble,” she responded, to which you couldn’t help the escaped chuckle as she stood and lifted you continuing, “I think it’s time for us to go our separate ways again. You’ve still got people out in the world that needs you.”

“How long have we been here?”

“Time works differently here, you know that.”

Rolling your eyes, she helped you hobble your way to your exit, and when you arrived, you embraced her one last time before stumbling through the hole.

The first thing you noticed upon your return to the land of the living was what you suspected a punching bag would feel like after you, Steve, and James all went out on it. The second was that, even with your eyes closed, the lights were too fucking bright. The third was that there were other people in the room with you from the humdrum of indiscernible conversation. As your eyes fluttered open, you let out a groan as your gaze flitted over to Tony and Sharon on one side of your bed and Peggy’s kids on the other. Upon fully realizing who they were, you attempted a friendly grin as you graveled out, “Quite the family reunion, huh?”

Tony kissed your forehead before responding, “Not now, Bolts. You scared the--”

“Language Uncle Tony!” your little nieces and nephews shouted as they scrambled inside, your siblings’ spouses following after them, making you chuckle as they hopped onto the bed with you, showing just enough restraint to tackle you.

Your brother shook his head as he asked your other siblings, “Are you sure Rogers isn’t your father?”

You rolled your eyes when a familiar old friend and former SHIELD doctor came in and said, “Miss Stark, welcome back to the land of the living.”

“It’s good to be back, all things considered,” you responded as she checked you over.

Once she finished, she said, “You’re lucky your brother arrived when he did. Another minute out there and you wouldn’t be sassing me now.”

“You’ve gotta admit you love it when I’m your patient, Liz.”

“You’re lucky I do, _____. The good news is that you should be able to get out of here soon.”

“And the bad news?”

“A certain Mr. Secretary wants to speak with you before you’re released.”

Your head plopped back onto your pillow as you were reminded that Ross was still his pain in the ass self and said, “Welp, there goes my recovery.”

“We’ll keep him out of your hair as long as possible,” Sharon said as the children started making plans. You chuckled and sent them a thankful smile as a yawn escaped your lips, to which Liz said, “Okay everybody, time to let her rest up. The more sleep she gets now, the sooner she’ll be able to leave here a healthy woman again.”

“Come on, Liz. I don’t even know how long I’ve been out already.”

She looked over everyone and the Carters bowed out gracefully, your siblings asking you about a hundred times if you needed them as they gathered their things, you repeating, “I’ll be okay. My brother’s Iron Man, remember?”

They shook their heads at you as Sharon led them out, Tony being the only one that remained by your bedside. Upon seeing that she wasn’t going to win this one, Liz said, “You have two hours tops. If she starts dozing, you let her sleep.”

You chuckled at the woman’s antics, even after all these years of treating you.

Sitting back and relaxing, you asked, “How long was I out anyway?”

“...A month and a half.”

“And how bad do I look?”

“A hell of a lot better than when we found you. I’m gonna have to send the Fur Ball some cigars as a thank you present,” Tony answered in an attempt to lighten the mood. You just nodded at that and looked out the window for a few moments. Tony took your hand and squeezed it as he said, “It’s not your fault that the bastard did what he did, _____.”

“I was still his main tool for the job, Tony. And I didn’t even see what he was doing.”

“Hey, hey, hey. You’ve been doing everything you can to make up for it, and stopping him saved a hell of a lot of people.”

“Be that as if may, Mr. Stark, what she did was still illegal in regards to the Accords.”

Your teeth clenched from hearing the damn man’s voice. Turns out Sharon couldn’t get to him fast enough after all. 

Ross swaggered his way into your room, not even trying to hide the cocky smirk as he said, “You, Miss Stark, have a lot to answer for.”

You looked me in the eye and responded, “How were my actions illegal, sir?”

“You evaded the people that were supposed to protect you through the use of your powers and became involved in an investigation that was under the jurisdiction of the federal government.”

“Not very well considering it wasn’t the feds that came for me.”

“_____, don’t--” Tony attempted to stop you, but you were at your goddamn breaking point as you continued, “And where was the federal government while HYDRA infiltrated SHIELD? Or New York, Sokovia, and who knows how many other missions that the Avengers took on?”

Ross tried to interrupt, but you were on a roll and not prepared to stop just yet as you said, “And where the fuck was the government the second HYDRA decided to kill my best friend? Or my mother?” 

That stopped the Secretary in his tracks upon seeing you reduced to angry tears and gasps of physical pain while your brother held your good hand, turned his gaze onto Ross, and said, “Get out.”

“Stark--”

“Get the fuck out, Ross.”

You barely heard Sharon enter the doorway, but you sure as hell heard her say, “Mr. Secretary, I am not above calling hospital security to escort you from the premises. My cousin needs to heal, not be harassed by you.”

With that, he left with his tail between his legs, and Sharon was wiping away your tears as she soothed out, “He’s gone, _____. It’s okay.”

You started babbling out apologies again, only for Tony to kiss the top of your head and say, “Bolts, you’ve got nothing to apologize for.”

“I fucked it up… A-All these years of work and I fucked it up--”

“Shh, _____. You can bounce back from this. People will understand.”

As they slowly but surely calmed your frazzled state, the pain meds finally went into effect, leading you to drift back into an uneasy sleep.


	34. Getting Back on Track

Somehow, Ross’s visit and your subsequent breakdown had been leaked to the press while you were still recovering in the hospital. You weren’t all that surprised upon seeing protestors outside the House, Senate, and White House wanting your head as a result.

What you did not expect was the vast amount of support for amending the Accords that came of it. Granted, it was probably out of pity, but you took what you could get at this point.

This good news did little to improve your mental state, though. Hell, your magic had gone on the fritz for the first time in years, so Liz was pumping drugs into your system to keep you unconscious most of the time. Unfortunately, Emma had not made another visit since the initial one, and so there was nothing and nobody around to keep you from drowning within your broken psyche. Most of the time you woke up resulted in you screaming.

Logan had come by to visit on one of the few days in which you were conscious enough to hold an actual conversation by the end of the week. Hell, he had been the first one to make you genuinely smile upon first waking up when he said, “Your purple friend is fucking weird.”

“Vision takes some getting used to, I’ll admit that. Thank you for all of your help, Logan.”

“I don’t have many friends, Stark. I wasn’t gonna let that bastard take you out.”

Your eyes widened at that. Sure, you had always considered the two of you to be friends but he had never flat out stated it before. Upon him noticing you resembling a gaping fish, he chuckled as he continued, “You know how to take a beating, I’ll give you that.”

“Not all of us have super-fast healing like you.”

“You’re still better off than most.”

“True,” you admitted as you stretched, glad that your shoulder and arm had healed up despite the extreme soreness while you were out cold. Your leg was a different story altogether; while most of the wounds and bruising had healed up, the bone had yet to set correctly, so Liz had to break it again and put it in a plaster cast to keep yourself from damaging it any more than you already had.

Your thoughts turned to darker thoughts as you murmured, “All this time, I thought that I was in control of my life. I should have known better.”

Logan remained silent, so you sat up enough without jostling your ribs too much and continued, “HYDRA had it all planned out from that damn day, and I went right along with it, thinking that it was always my choice. I’ve lived in this cycle of no choice for years, and I didn’t even realize it.”

“...You’re free now.”

“Not for long if Ross and the vocal minority get their way.”

He squeezed your hand and said, “You know Chuck’s always more than willing to let you stay--”

“No, I can’t put any of you under even more scrutiny, as much as I appreciate the offer. Me going there would just cause more problems.”

Before he could try to convince you otherwise, Sharon walked in and said, “I’m sorry to interrupt, but a man by the name of Scott Summers is asking for you, Logan.”

You couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped upon seeing his exasperated expression as he stood up, ruffled your hair, and made his way out saying, “I’ll see you around, Stark.”

“See you, Logan. Thanks again for your help,” you responded as he gave a wave over his shoulder.

Sharon looked from his shrinking form over to you a couple of times before she asked, “Have you two--”

“Sharon, don’t even go there.”

“I’ll take that as a maybe.”

You rolled your eyes at your cousin as she sat in his old seat and said, “Hey. I’m not one to judge. I have a thing for criminals that are over a century old. It just seems like you two would have some amazing--”

“You’re lucky my leg’s making me unable to move right now.”

She laughed before responding, “Come on, _____. If I don’t tease you, Tony will.”

“He’ll tease me regardless. Where is he, anyway?”

“Fighting Ross tooth and nail. Like usual.”

You shook your head before Liz came over to check up on you again. Once she finished up, she slowly lowered your leg and said, “Okay, _____. You can go home now.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Your recovery is going smoothly, and as long as you don’t overexert yourself, the rest of your injuries should be healed by the end of the month.”

“I could kiss you right now, Liz.”

“Sorry, hun. I’m a married woman.”

Your body was practically vibrating with excitement as you sat up, letting Liz unhook you from all of the machines. Managing to sit up with your legs dangling off the side of the bed, you accepted Sharon’s help in getting you dressed in the clothes she’d brought in the duffel bag. Liz then helped you into a wheelchair and handed you your crutches before she wheeled you to the elevator and out the front door. Eternally grateful that Sharon had already filled out all that godforsaken paperwork, your good mood increased even more upon seeing Happy holding open the door of the car for you.

“Mr. Hogan, you have no idea how glad I am to see you.”

“Yeah, yeah. You can tell me all about it on the way home.”

Sharon chuckled as she got into the passenger seat while you made yourself comfortable in the back, keeping your leg elevated lest you give Liz a heart attack. The drive to the airport was not silent in the least, something in which you were grateful since you’d been in your head far too much this week. 

Reintegrating yourself back into the world only took a few days and a lot of phone calls to Dr. Sleuth, who damn near ordered in-person sessions at least once a week when you return to Wakanda. Alas, video chat had to do for now.

Vision updated Steve and the others via multiple rendezvous with Wanda, although Tony didn’t know that little tidbit. With that, Pepper updated you on everything else: Michael was taken into the highest security custody facility, your meltdown ultimately cleared you with Ross, and she finished it off saying, “The king of Wakanda has explicitly asked you to be his guest for his upcoming conference with the UN.”

Knowing what had been going on thanks to Vision once again, you merely nodded and said, “Guess I better start packing. That’s scheduled only a few days from now.”

Pepper then handed you your phone, allowing you to make your arrangements whilst she packed your bag due to your leg still being on the mend, no matter how much you protested against it whilst on hold various times. Before you knew it, you found yourself among the ambassadors and other representatives of the UN waiting for T’Challa to enter and begin the conference, somehow still looking dressed to the nines despite your stupid booted leg. Due to being his guest, you were led closer to the stage just before he arrived and announced that Wakanda was going to open up to the world.

If you weren’t flabbergasted enough, he then said, “To begin this policy, I would like to invite Miss _____ Stark to be Wakanda’s first official foreign guest. Will you accept my offer?”

And just like that, the lights and cameras were directed onto you, your surprise clear on your face as you hobbled up the few steps of the stage, gave him a somehow graceful curtesy, and responded, “I would be honored, Your Majesty.”

He smiled whilst clasping his hand with your own to show the world, forcing you to smile at the cameras for the photo op. Luckily, it didn’t take long before the two of you were whisked off onto a plane, your body still not well enough to attempt a Sling Ring portal.

Once both of you were seated and you and Okoye exchanged small talk, you turned towards T’Challa and said, “I’ve got to give you credit for coming up with this, but are you sure Wakanda’s ready for this?”

“It seems that you and I still have much to catch up on, _____. Such as why you endured what you have on your own.”

“Fair enough,” you chuckled out, the two of you spending the majority of the flight comparing war stories. Once you had, the plane remained silent for a few moments before you gathered enough courage to ask, “How did you overcome your anger at James so quickly? I know that the truth behind our situations are about as opposite as it can get, but--”

You took a deep breath, closed your eyes, and finished saying, “That tape brought back all of those emotions that I thought I’d gotten over, and they’re so jumbled together that I’m scared of what I’ll do if I see him.”

“...I do not have any sound advice for you, but I believe that the continued separation will give you time to come to terms with your feelings once again, _____. After all, you had found a way to forgive him once. I believe that if it is your wish, you will be able to do so again.”

“You have a hell of a lot more faith in me than I do.”

“My friend, it is more than mere faith. We have come to know each other fairly well the last two years, no matter if we wished to.”

“...You’ve got me there.”


	35. You're a Frustrating One, Mr. Barnes.

The first person you came across upon returning to base cheerily called out, “You Americans have quite the knack for driving yourselves mad.”

Chuckling, you returned the princess’s embrace as you responded, “We can’t all be as brilliant and sane as you, Shuri.”

She just grinned, leading you over to the med bay to fully heal you up since you didn’t have to worry about keeping Wakanda’s secrets anymore. 

As the days went on, your on-the-run fellow Avengers took it upon themselves to check up on you in between missions whilst on the quinjet to give T’Challa less trouble upon opening up Wakanda to the world. Managing to collect yourself somehow whenever someone’s name would pop up on the screen, your forced grins became a little more bearable after each discussion. Hell, you were shocked that Ross even allowed Clint to talk to you for a few minutes, but the man did you need them. He was about the only one you let your mask drop for when it came to those calls. And that was mostly because you knew the others wouldn’t risk communicating with him right now.

You were in a fairly similar boat yourself, seeing as Ross had sent a team of watchers a day after you’d arrived since it was the only way you would be allowed to remain in the country. Pretending all those on the lamb was just Tony being a worrywart was easy since they were phone calls, and Shuri made sure that they all came across as his number. 

So you made nice with the small entourage assigned to you, talked about the weather and every other awfully dull subject with the UN ambassadors that came to visit, and put in your two cents while assisting T’Challa on the personal tours. You were just glad that you were able to sleep alone in your own room and they left you alone when it came to your sessions with Jack, who you worked into your little deal on the sly. 

After an entire month of you being the good little girl, Ross called back his watchdogs to the States. As soon as they were out of Wakandan airspace and the entire base had been combed for bugs, Shuri and Jack caught you up on everything that had been going on with James.

“He always asks about you when I see him,” Shuri said, a small smile on her face as she squeezed your hand. 

“...Does he know?” you asked them, to which Jack sighed out, “Yes. And he said that he understands if you’re never going to see him again.”

You sat in silence, musing through your thoughts on everything that had occurred. Your mind had been no less jumbled than it was when you finally woke up in the hospital. Every time that you found yourself thinking of the fonder memories between the two of you, that damn footage would come to the forefront of your mind. Hell, you felt dirty for letting him touch you in any way, as much as you hated that you did.

Jack stayed behind while Shuri was called to the lab, so you had nowhere to hide when he said, “_____, I know that you’re scared--”

“Scared? No, scared isn’t how I’d describe it, Jack. I’m angry and depressed and numb all at once and even that doesn’t even cover the top layer of everything I’m feeling. Why didn’t you try to stop me from going down this path in the first place?”

“We both know that even if I did, you would have followed your heart, _____. And we both know that the weapon that killed them wasn’t the James Barnes we know today.”

You bit your lip to keep from going off on him again. It was bad enough that you were blaming him for your own actions. Instead, you huddled up into your armchair and murmured, “Every good memory is marred by that goddamn tape, Jack. How am I supposed to just… try to go back to how it was?”

“Nobody is asking you to do that, _____. Least of all him.”

You wiped away the tears that had fallen as you murmured, “I… I don’t know what to do, Jack… I don’t know how to… to fix this.”

“You of all people know that there are some things that just can’t be fixed with a snap of your fingers, _____. No matter how much we may want them to be as simple as that. Nobody’s asking you to see him at this very moment, and if someone does, they’ll have me to answer to.”

“No offense, Jack, but you’re not very intimidating.”

“You haven’t seen me pull off my impression of a disappointed father.”

You laughed despite yourself; how this man dealt with your insanity for over ten years was beyond you, but you were grateful for it all the same.

It took another month for you to gather yourself, but you eventually asked Shuri if you could go with her to go with James. She hugged you in excitement as she said, “Of course! He’ll be surprised, that is a certainty!”

You rolled your eyes, let her help you pack up a duffel since Jack advised that being away from all of the pomp and circumstance would be beneficial in the long run, and got on board the vehicle with the princess of Wakanda, Okoye personally escorting the two of you. 

James certainly was surprised upon seeing you, if the wood he dropped onto his own foot was anything to go by, and you kept your distance as Shuri explained everything and Okoye kept you from changing your mind and running straight back onto the vehicle. 

Once everything was deemed hunky-dory, they left the two of you on your own, and you really hated yourself for feeling the need (and failing) to gather enough courage to look him in the eye. James cleared his throat as he asked, “Would you like to come inside?”

“I’d rather stay here for now.”

Your gaze managed to raise from his feet to his chest, and it was then that you noticed the lack of the new arm, so you continued, “I-I know that this was my idea and everything, and it was a really stupid idea now that I think about it, especially with everything that’s been going on--”

“_____, you don’t have to explain anything.”

Him not calling you Doll hurt a hell of a lot more than you were willing to admit, but you kept that shut tight as you sighed out, “Right… You already know.”

“To be honest, I thought I’d never… never see you again. And I wouldn’t blame you if you decided to, even now. I ruined your life before you even got the chance to start living it, after all.”

Your head shot up so fast that you thought you’d given yourself whiplash as you looked into those blue eyes that spoke nothing but the guilt and remorse he had over that night and its consequences. What you couldn’t understand was why he wasn’t even the least bit angry with you, and that made your already conflicting emotions about ten times worse. Clearing your throat, you attempted to lighten the mood saying, “For a trained therapist, I’m pretty awful at dealing with my own problems, huh?”

“I don’t think there’s anybody who’s had a situation quite like ours, though,” he responded, making you snort despite yourself.

After a few more moments of the ambiance of nature, you asked, “Need any help with that firewood? Or first aid on that poor foot?”

“Yes and no,” he responded with a timid smile, so you grabbed the split logs and placed them on top of the pile before following him into the hut and setting your stuff down next to the bedroll that Shuri herself had set up, so you had to give the woman credit for not expecting the two of you to be so snuggly right off the bat.

The rest of the day was spent in a mix of awkward bits of small talk and actual conversation in between long lapses of tense silence. And it remained that way for a while; you stopped keeping track of the days after number twelve. Your stilted conversation eventually evolved into actual discussions despite being shorter than what both of you were used to. You’d go off to gather supplies, clean, and cook together. You even ate together, and that was where the majority of your conversations took place. It was all so domestic that it was almost sickening.

Which is why you had absolutely no idea what triggered your breakdown. One minute you and James were actively conversing with one another and the next, you’re running outside in the middle of the night to prevent yourself from strangling him. Since it was well after midnight and there were who knew how many predators out there, James followed after you in an attempt to bring you back into the hut, but you weren’t having it. The second his hand touched your skin, you slugged him in the face and screamed out, “Why do you make it so fucking hard to hate you!?”

He actually stepped back a few paces, and you took that as your cue to let it out as you asked, “How are you not pissed at me? Why are you trying so hard to respect my boundaries? Aren’t you angry at me?”

“_____--”

“And how can I still love you after what I’ve seen? How could I be so stupid in thinking that this was going to work in the first place?”

James attempted to close the distance between the two of you again, but every step forward he made led to you recreating the distance. The light from the stars and your currently unattended fire was still enough for you to see, so you saw his shock and adoration in his eyes from hearing the word vomit you upchucked and desperately wanted to make disappear. But unlike Strange, you didn’t know time magic, so you just stood there shaking, magical energy wrapping around your arms. Attempting to calm yourself down and regain control, you dropped to your knees and wrapped your arms around your body, only to crumble in on yourself as you warned, “Stay back, James. Just stay back.”

Whether he didn’t hear you or chose to ignore your warnings, he kneeled and embraced you. Even with only one arm, he was strong enough to keep you there as he whispered into your ear, “It’s okay, Doll. Let it out. I can take it. Let it out.”

You started sobbing and hitting his chest, crying out that you hated him and loved him and wanted to forgive him and begging for him to forgive you. Throughout it all, he held you tighter.

It could have been hours or minutes that the two of you were out there, but eventually, you were too exhausted to fight anymore, let alone shed another tear. James helped you stand before seeing how weak your knees were and hoisted you onto his back. Once your arms were wrapped around his neck, he took the two of you back to the hut. Once you’d arrived, he set you down onto your bedroll and tucked you in saying, “Get some sleep, _____. You need it.”

You whimpered out an apology before doing as you were told.

You bolted upright the next morning to witness the damage you’d done to him firsthand because he had been changing his top half. His nose looked broken, but the worst of the damage had to be his chest. There were giant bruises with singe marks from where your arms had been pressed against him, and the most burned portion had been where your fist had repeatedly hit him above his heart.

Your eyes widened in horror at what you’d done, and he certainly noticed your resemblance to a deer in the headlights, wisely stepping in front of the doorway to block the only easy exit as he said, “_____, it’s not nearly as bad as it looks.”

“That’s bullshit. I’m so sorry. I’ll pack up my stuff and--”

He kneeled next to you, ignoring you flinching away as he said, “Hey, hey, hey. It’s fine. See?”

He placed your hand over his heart in an attempt to not scare you even more as he asked, “You still feel my heart beating, right?”

At your hesitant nod, he smiled and explained, “That means I’m good,” and upon seeing you ready to protest, continued saying, “How many times did I hurt you when my nightmares got to me, _____? This isn’t going to scare me away. I failed you way too many times to make that mistake now.”

He never failed you though. You were the one who thought that you’d forgiven him for your parents when all this shit started. You were the one that thought that you knew what you were getting into when you agreed to help him. How long ago was it that you were assuring him that you weren’t going to up and leave him? How many times did you stay up at night conflicted over the fact that you were falling for the man that was used as the instrument to kill your parents? How many times did the fact that you could lose Tony for good over this come up? How many times did this man prove to you that even though he couldn’t fully fix the parts of you that were broken, he was going to help you hold the pieces even if it killed him? 

It was at that moment that you realized that no matter what, somewhere along the road you will find it in yourself to forgive him. Not now, maybe not even a year from now, but someday, you will be able to forgive him again. Forgiving yourself is another matter altogether.

You were brought back to the present upon noticing James wiping away your tears as he repeated, “I’m right here, _____.”

You managed to nod before asking, “How can you still look at me like that?”

“Like what?”

He was genuinely confused by your question, and that made you let out a tearful chuckle as you explained, “Like I’m the most important person in the world. After everything I’ve done, how can you still think that highly of me?”

He easily answered, “Because you saw a good man behind all of the trauma and mind control and violence even when you didn’t even really know me. You let me in despite it all, _____.”

“So did you,” you sniffled out, making him chuckle as the two of you embraced again and he said, “I’m sorry that I couldn’t beat the shit out of the bastard myself.”

“We should just admit that we were both in the wrong and stop apologizing,” you remarked, making him laugh again as he pulled away, offering his hand as he said, “Deal.”

Shaking his hand, you gave him a genuine smile as the two of you just sat there looking at each other. James broke the moment as he stood and made his way over to the fire pit to start cooking breakfast asking, “You sure Steve didn’t have a hand in this?”

“It's probable. He was the one who stuck me and Tony in interrogation hours before our battle with Loki because we couldn’t communicate.”

He did mention that, come to think of it.”


	36. Where's the War?

Somehow, the two of you had managed to build your relationship up to friends again. Hell, you were cracking jokes the day Okoye and T’Challa arrived, their somber faces immediately turning the two of you serious. Your eyes flitted over the large black case when James asked where the war was. As his arm was fitted back into his body upon T’Challa answering him, you summoned your box into your hand as the king turned his gaze onto you saying, “It seems that Doctor Strange was correct. I am sorry to have to ask you to do this.”

“The time had to come sooner or later,” you responded as you unwrapped your top from your body, leaving your upper half in your sports bra. It was a beautiful piece, and you were not going to be on the receiving end of a Shuri lecture for damaging it. 

Before you could go too far, James squeezed your hand with his flesh one, causing you to smile in return before you made your way through your portal to a barren area about two miles down. 

Once the portal closed and you checked to make sure that you were alone. Once you deemed the area clear, you disabled the protective wards around the box and opened it to reveal the two rings containing the majority of your power. The second you put these rings on, there was no going back. The rings will be nothing but ash, and the only indication that they even existed would be the burn marks on your fingers.

There they laid in the palm of your hand for a few moments before you murmured, “No turning back now.”

Putting on the first ring was easy because nothing would happen; it was the second one that made your anxiety hit the roof and hand shake so much you thought that there was an earthquake. As soon as you put on the second ring, you were blinded by an all too familiar light. Upon lowering your hand away from your eyes, you made a full 360 in your spot to observe that there wasn’t even a dent in the flat earth. Sighing, in relief, you summoned another portal back to the hut. 

Hell, you hadn’t even felt the burns on your fingers until after you’d arrived and Okoye placed healing gel over them and T’Challa asked if you were alright.

“Both I and the surrounding area were relatively unscathed. It went better than I thought it would,” you admitted whilst checking over the progress of your healing burns. Once you were deemed good to go and James’ arm was once again attached to his body, you helped him onto the transport since your bags were always packed as a precaution. And you couldn’t quite muster to will to pull your hand away once the task had been accomplished. 

You nearly went into culture shock upon entering the capital again, and before you could so much as ask James how he was doing since he’d been away for longer than you, Shuri pulled you off of the vehicle and straight to your old room to get you showered and ready for the battle ahead.

The combat suit she’d designed for you felt reminiscent of your time in maroon robes with the Ancient One along with the more practical functions of your old SHIELD suit (bulletproof material in vital areas alongside guards as pads for your more extreme stunts). Smiling softly, you thanked the genius, only for her to urge you into putting it all on. Once you had, she showed you a variety of weapons along with the various places to sheath them within your suit. 

Once you’d tested out unsheathing the blades and long-range weapons, she led you over to join James. Smiling softly at his freshly showered face, you chuckled out, “Feeling like a buck and a quarter again?”

“Hell yeah,” he murmured, his eyes tracing over every inch of your form as one of Okoye’s subordinates told you that Steve and the others would be arriving shortly. James offered his arm and asked, “Shall we?”

“We shall, Mr. Barnes,” you snorted out as you made your way over to the landing pad.

As soon as Steve caught sight of the two of you, he nearly lifted both of you into the air from his embrace as he asked how you two were doing.

Snorting at James’ “Not bad, for the end of the world,” you answered, “Better. Turns out I was way overdue a vacation. How about you?”

You were then pulled into a now blonde Nat as she apologized for not being of more service with Michael, to which you responded, “Logan had more than enough fun helping me out.”

Noticing the confused looks from the majority of your friends, you waved their unspoken questions off by saying, “Old SHIELD contact. A bit bloodthirsty.”

“We’re gonna get the full story outta you later,” Sam chimed in, to which you snorted before spotting a familiar face. Embracing Rhodey, you heard him chuckle as he asked, “You doing okay, _____?”

“About as good as I’m gonna get. Did Ross--”

“I’m in the same boat as you, only with a probable court marshal tacked on.”

Pulling away, you shook your head as you responded, “We Starks sure know how to get you into trouble, huh?”

“It’s worth it. Besides, your Tony’s little sister; of course I’m gonna help.”

“Where is he anyway? Didn’t he make the call?”

“No, that was me.”

Your gaze narrowed in on Bruce, and before you knew it, you were smacking the man in the arm and hugging him like hell saying, “You absolute bastard. Where the hell have you been?”

“It’s good to see you too, _____.”

Pouting at his attempt at humor, you waved the majority of the group off while you, James, Rhodey, and Sam kept watching. 

The brunet placed his hand on your shoulder upon seeing you going over your breathing techniques and asked, “You okay?”

“Considering how long I kept this power dormant, it’s trying to put up a tussle. I’ll be fine once I’ve gotten used to having it all in one place again,” you answered with a shaky smile.

Sam rolled his eyes at you before asking, “So what are you two nowadays considering everything that happened?”

Both of you shrugged as you answered, “Even we don’t know at this point.”

“I’m just glad we’re not trying to kill each other,” James added on, making Falcon laugh as you rolled your eyes and went on your way to patrol your section. It was in the middle of you walking the perimeter for the nth time that you spotted the hunks of alien tech landing, and so you spoke into your commlink, “You think they were expecting a welcome party?”

“What’s it look like down there?” Steve asked.

“About twelve times worse than New York,” you responded before you and one of Okoye’s subordinates made you way back, gathering forces as you did so. Hopping onto the nearest transport, you found yourself next to James as you made your way to the enemy’s location.

You observed Nat, Steve, and T’Challa’s interaction from a safe distance, muttering every protective ward and spell that you could think of under your breath before summoning magical blades that you kept behind your back for now. Once they began to make their way back to your forces, James placed a hand on your shoulder and said, “Don’t go burning yourself into a crisp.”

“Very funny, pretty boy.”

You got a chuckle out of that one, and the look on the three’s faces told you that talking didn’t solve anything. Steve took his place on the other side of your mutual super-soldier and relayed the news, which you murmured out, “Let’s hope Shuri gets her work done fast.”

The pods then opened to reveal the various creatures housed inside clamoring out and towards the shield. You would have been fine had they stopped there, but then they started killing themselves to breach the damn thing, disturbing you more than the fact that they wanted you dead.

As soon as T’Challa ordered that section of the shield to be turned off and you were given the green light to fight, you ran like hell, a war cry tearing itself from your lips.


	37. What Did We Do?

Slashing through another beast, you then summoned a magical whip to take down the group that had begun to overwhelm Bruce when what you’d decided to call the Gears of Death made their appearance. Barking out for the Wakandan troops to back away as you turned your whip to one of them while Sam and Rhodey went to stop another.

Wanda’s arrival and subsequent takedown of the rest made you sigh in relief before Proxima knocked your friend to the ground. Luckily, Nat and Okoye had her back, and it was then that you’d noticed her partner nowhere near the battlefield (thanks to Nat catching you up). You then spoke into your commlink, “Shuri, tell me you’re almost done. You don’t have much time left.”

“What do you mean? You seem to be--”

She was cut off by a crash on her end, and you were racing back to the princess, only for the Gears of Death to roll toward you and your people. Summoning multiple whips, you managed to direct them away from your allies just as the Bifrost lit up part of the battlefield.

Your jaw almost hit the ground upon seeing Thor with some new friends. Almost as soon as he showed up, however, you formed a portal for Wanda, Okoye, and Nat to go through upon hearing Bruce call for backup to help Vision. As soon as they went through, you went off to search for the others, catching up with James and Thor’s companions (a raccoon and a tree?) before you sensed something wrong happening. Upon realizing it, you turned to face them saying, “Thanos is here.”

You’d never summoned a portal so fast in your life.

By the time you’d arrived, Thanos made his way through his own portal and strode towards Wanda and Vision. Running towards him and summoning as many magical whips as you could, you tossed them onto his limbs and pulled, only for the purple giant to grab hold of them, pull you towards him, crush who knew how many bones in your hand, and slam you into a nearby tree. As soon as the world stopped spinning, you noticed the green gem on the thumb plate of his gauntlet. Attempting to summon a portal for Wanda and Vision, you found that your Sling Ring was gone.

By the time you’d managed to get up on your feet, you watched the shattered remains of your Sling Ring leave his hand as he took down the rest of the team just as easily.

Your ring fingers started burning again. Looking down, you spotted the blackened marks on them where your rings had been. You then felt a familiar hand on your shoulder and turned to see Emma’s easy grin meet your gaze as she said, “You look like you could use our help, Sneak.”

Peggy and your birth parents made their way over to your other side, and in your daze, you found yourself lucky enough to notice that they all had a silverish tone despite their transparency. The fact that you could feel their touch was what finally snapped you out of it, and so you nodded over to your dear friend. Her grin became more determined as she summoned her own magical whips, all of your dead parents the following suit.

You did so as well after taking a glance behind you to see hundreds more silvery figures, you wrapping yours around that damn gauntlet as Wanda attempted to both fight off the mad man and destroy the final stone. You had to dig your feet into the ground as soon as you began sliding forward, feeling whips from some of the those behind you wrap around your ankles to keep you stable whilst the burning sensation in your fingers expanded up your arms, forcing you to let out a scream.

You were not going to let that giant grape get that stone as long as you lived, so you summoned more whips onto that godforsaken gauntlet, the stronger souls doing the same to assist as your eyes turned that same wispish silver color. 

Those few moments felt as if they lasted hours by the time that Wanda destroyed the stone and Vision with it, but you knew that the battle had yet to be won. Alas, Thanos had grown tired of your antics and threw you into another tree. And your spine hit it just right that you weren’t sure whether or not you could stand at the moment. Hell, you could barely see enough to watch the Mad Titan use the Time Stone to rip the last of them out of Vision’s head and Thor comes flying down from the sky to stab him in the chest with his new ax. The next thing you knew, Thanos snapped his fingers and disappeared.

James had run towards you before calling out to Steve, to which you witnessed the man you loved fade away into dust. Despite the sorry state of your body, you crawled over to the very spot he had just been standing in and cried out, “No. No, no, no, no!”

Steve wrapped his arms around you as you started sobbing and screaming for James to come back, the souls that had previously surrounded you fading as your friend’s tears landed in your blood matted hair. 

The next thing you knew, half of your friends are gone and Steve was laying you on your bed. You hadn’t even realized that your back had been healed due to just how numb you’d become to everything. Steve sat in the chair next to your bed and enclasped one of your hands with his own, sitting back when you didn’t respond to his squeeze.

Curling in on yourself, you whispered, “What are we going to do now?”

“Now, we heal. And when we’re ready, we’ll know what to do.”

Your friend sounded hopeless. Hell, you sounded hopeless. Thanos had won, and in doing so he took away so many people that you loved. You hadn’t even tried to call Tony or any of your other family simply for the fact that you were too scared that someone was no longer able to answer.

Hell, you were terrified of what you may end up doing if you found out. It took every fiber of your being not to completely revert to the vegetable-like state you were in when Emma had died, and if Steve hadn’t held onto you in those initial moments as his life depended on it, you were terrified that you might not have even tried.

Turning your gaze back onto your fellow super-soldier, you rasped out, “I’m sorry I couldn’t save them.”

“None of us could, _____.”

“Still--”

“I know.”

You became an even smaller ball as you murmured, “It should have been me.”

Steve shook his head as he kneeled in front of your face and responded, “It shouldn’t have been anyone. But we’ll find a way, _____. We always do.”

You just shook your head as you turned to face your window. Steve just sighed as he rubbed your back in an attempt to comfort you, but the numbness had already returned to your body.


	38. Let's Make a Plan

You hadn’t left your room once in the days that followed. Hell, you barely ate or spoke whenever someone would come to check and see if you were still breathing. Not even Nat had found a way to snap you out of this daze you went into.

It was like you disappeared along with the unlucky half of the universe. And they didn’t know how to bring you back. What they did know was that, on the few occasions in which you did speak to them, you were attempting to keep what little sanity you still had. Ever since the day after Thanos’ snap, you’ve heard and seen trillions of silvery shaded transparent and newly deceased people, many of which were begging you to save them.

It figured that your powers would move directly into the realm of necromancy upon regaining it all; it’s not like you’ve already dealt with death far too much daily.

You’d helped dozens accept their circumstances whilst simultaneously preventing yourself from giving them false hope. After all, you had no idea if this was something that you could fix, and you sure as hell weren’t going to lie to the trillions of people currently in your head. Forget what happened in the Middle East; Earth itself would have a Death Star size crater. 

It didn’t help that the ones you were desperately hoping to show up had decided to steer the fuck clear away from you, either. And you sure as hell weren’t going to put this weight of guilt on those that weren’t silver smoke on top of how awful and guilt-ridden they already were from losing to the giant grape man.

You were brought out of this spiraling thought train when Steve tousled your hair and murmured, “_____, you need to eat something.”

Your gaze returned to the window directly in front of you as you sat curled up in your armchair, not quite ready to fall apart again just yet.

Your dear friend had apparently had enough though because he purposely sat on your abandoned footstool and took your hands in his own as he said, “_____, you need to eat something before you end up hospitalized. Please. For me.”

You finally faced him, taking note of the desperation in those blue eyes, which reminded you far too much of whenever James would come into your computer lab and drag you out to the cafeteria to get a break from Ross’ mug. Shaking yourself out of the memory, you refused to meet his gaze as you rasped out, “No thank you.”

He just scooted closer to force you to look him in the eye as he choked out, “Everyone’s worried about you.”

Unable to help yourself, you bit out, “Considering my own head isn’t even my own anymore, that seems warranted.”

“_____--”

“Every second that I am still breathing, all I hear are people’s screams. All I feel is their grief and fear and anger. Trillions of people, Steve. And they won’t leave me alone, especially when I’m asleep. They just bombard me even more.”

Your tears streamed down your face, your voice getting softer with every subsequent word as you said, “I don’t know what thoughts are my own. I am going insane, Steve, and I don’t know what to do.”

You cursed your voice from cracking at his name, but you honestly needed the hug he gave you as he let you cry your heart out, stroking your hair and assuring you that he wasn’t going anywhere. You don’t know how long you remained like that when you were brought out of it upon hearing Nat say, “I’ve got her. You go clean yourself up.”

Steve started to protest, but you’d already clung onto the super-spy when she placed a hand on your back. He gave your hand one last squeeze before he made his way out. Your cries slowly halted within the next hour, your head feeling like it was going to explode if you continued. When you pulled away from your friend’s embrace, she held your head in her hands and said, “We are going to get you through this. And we’ll do whatever it is you need us to do.”

“W-Where’s J-Jack, Nat? W-Was he--”

She placed a finger over your lips and said, “First thing you’re going to do is eat something. The second thing is to take a shower while I ask Bruce if he can come up with something to help and then help Steve find Dr. Sleuth. Okay?”

You started to nod, only to glower under the mom look she gave you as you verbally responded, “Okay. Eat and shower. Got it.”

Nat gave a small smile before handing you the plate that Steve had offered you. Eating slowly to prevent yourself from hurling it up again (considering you haven’t ingested anything in the last three days), you then made your way to your bathroom to get into the shower. The hot water pelting your body muffled the voices more than anything else you’d tried, and so you took your time in cleaning yourself up, vaguely hearing the door open and close as Nat went to make her end of the deal true.

The super-spy sighed as soon as she closed your door and made her way down the hall. You of all people didn’t deserve this shitstorm on top of everything else that had happened, and yet you still had enough control to keep yourself from destroying the entire compound. Even she doubted that she would be faring any better than you were at the moment. The utter look of desperation in your eyes from something to make it all stop was the third time in which she’d witnessed it. And it was a look that she never wanted to see on you again.

She at least had a plan that could help and she had to implement it. So she steeled herself and made her way down to the lab, asking Bruce for his help after explaining the situation. He immediately went into the medbay to come up with something before waving her off saying, “I’ll take it to her while you and Steve go looking for her therapist. He should be in the mess hall.”

She nodded and went straight there, only to stop upon seeing the super-soldier hunched over his empty plate with his hands clasped together. Nat placed a hand on his shoulder and asked, “You gonna be okay?”

“Not sure. But that can be said for everybody. Is _____ faring any better?”

“She was in the shower when I went to ask Bruce for some assistance. Anything on Jack?”

“Gone. Just like the others.”

“I was afraid you’d say that.”

The super-soldier stood up at that and sighed out, “We may as well tell her together.”

That plan was thrown out the window the second Thor barged in saying, “_____’s fallen unconscious. Banner is taking her to the medbay as we speak.”


	39. Ain't No Rest for the Wicked

Rhodey held Steve back from entering the room as he said, “We’ve got to let Bruce help her, Steve. _____’ll come through. She always does.”

“But--”

“Do you trust them?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then let Bruce help her fight this battle without you.”

The super-soldier sighed as he went over to the observation window in an attempt to at least feel like he was being helpful. Bruce was already doing everything necessary to keep you going, but that didn’t stop the captain’s breath hitching upon seeing you again. Your hair was still wet from your shower, but you were incredibly pale and your normal body shape was far frailer than what he was used to seeing; hell, you looked half dead.

As soon as Bruce came out into the hall, Steve followed after him asking what had happened, to which the good doctor answered, “_____ was extremely dehydrated, so the heat from the shower didn’t help. She fell onto me as soon as she answered the door. The serum’s probably the reason she stayed conscious that long. Luckily she didn’t hit her head on anything, because with her powers being on overload and her stubborn nature, the serum was keeping her body alive rather than enhancing her abilities. I’m just glad I managed to find some medications that would do something for her.”

“When is she going to wake up?” Nat asked as she popped onto his other side, to which he answered, “A couple of hours tops. Since the drugs are in her system, the serum should go back to doing what it was injected there for. You two can go in now.”

Steve wasted no time in sitting in the chair next to your bed and taking hold of your hand as he said, “You can’t give in yet, _____. Please.”

So everyone took shifts of watching over you, looking into Fury’s pager, and getting some rest for a couple of hours. Luckily, Bruce had been right and the first person you saw upon opening your eyes was Nat. At first, you thought that you’d actually died due to the silence of your head save for your own thoughts, so of course, you pinched yourself, managing to feel the smallest blip of pain before your friend pulled your hand away from your arm and asked, “What do you remember?”

After chugging down a glass of water to relieve your dry mouth, you answered, “I just finished getting dressed when Bruce knocked and said he had something that might help. I was feeling a little off-center so I was slower than usual. I managed to open the door before the world turned black.”

“How are you now?”

“Better, but not okay. Did Bruce give me the meds?”

“He did. And it’s almost time for your next dose.”

She proceeded to hand you the pills along with a refilled water glass, so you took them before asking, “How long was I out?”

“Since about eleven yesterday. _____, Doctor Sleuth’s gone.”

You sighed before murmuring, “Denial is such a sweet torment, isn’t it? I should have known the moment I stopped eating and he hadn’t come to check up on me.”

She hugged you for a few moments, her warmth slowly seeping into your skin as you returned the embrace. Upon pulling away, you asked, “What have I missed?”

“You sure you can come right back to work right now?”

“If I don’t, I’ll just go back to stewing in my own misery.”

She proceeded to update you on the pager as she helped you over to the lab, only for Rhodey to hold you up on your other side and walk you in as he said, “You gave us quite the scare there.”

“I’ll try to do better next time. Promise.”

“You better.”

He patted you on the shoulder once he and Nat had gotten you to a chair and then made his way over to his room to get some sleep, Okoye, and Rocket following his lead. Steve, Thor, and Bruce had just settled themselves in for their shift, all three embracing you. Before your fellow super-soldier could open his mouth, you said, “I need to work, so don’t you dare try to get me back into a bed.”

You proceeded to look over the reports regarding the pager, glancing at the image it displayed now and again to see if you could make heads or tails of it. But alas, it was something that you hadn’t seen before, and Nat didn’t even know what it meant, so you had literally nothing to go on. Nonetheless, you attempted and (for the most part) succeeded in maintaining some semblance of calm so that you didn’t do anything stupid, opting for impatient foot-tapping instead.

Crossing your arms and pursing your lips, you muttered, “What are you hiding this time, Fury?”

Steve handed you another datapad to comb-over, and upon seeing repeats of the same lines once again, you sighed thinking, ‘This is going to be a long wait.’

And how right you were. You were honestly surprised you knew what day of the week it was after losing track of how many hours you’d spent combing through that data. That, and you had been slowly extending the periods in which you actually took the medication just so you wouldn’t become dependent on it. Luckily, your friends hadn’t commented on it, so you reveled in the little victories when you could.

More often than not, your thoughts turned to James as you thumbed over the little wooden figure in your pocket that he had made you one night after your little firework show. It was two otters holding paws, and that had resulted from a tangent conversation to get your mind off of Ross when the two of you were still on base. He had wondered why you were wearing an old t-shirt of the animal from the Georgia Aquarium that was such a poor dad joke pun (Harry Otter; your Carter siblings had insisted on you getting it just for the sake of making your father chuckle shortly after Peggy’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis). You explained this as well as your own admiration for the animals as you continued, “They hold paws while floating and sleeping on the water to prevent themselves from getting separated. Kind of like a reminder that no matter how bad things may get, they’ve got each other.”

“Like you and Tony?”

Your smile fell as you responded, “I honestly don’t know at this point. He still hasn’t talked to me. Not that I can blame him.”

“He’ll come around if what you’ve told me about him is accurate. I’ve got a hell of a lot more to do than you if I’m even going to get close.”

Pouting, you wrapped your arms around him as you said, “It wasn’t your fault. He’s just too stubborn to realize it yet.”

He returned your embrace, kissing the top of your head as he murmured, “I hope you’re right.”

You were brought out of your reverie upon the pager going blank and turned to face the woman that appeared and asked, “Where’s Fury?”


	40. Time to Avenge

Carol Danvers was not what you’d expected to result of a 20+-year-old pager, but she was in your good books for bringing your brother home. For now, at least.

Being able to breathe the least bit easier in being able to see, hear, and touch Tony again assisted in easing the inner war that was your mind the same amount. However, the second that Steve opened his mouth about hunting down Thanos brought that to a screeching halt the moment your dear brother went loose on the captain. Both you and Rhodey attempted to get Tony to sit back down to no avail only for the man to collapse. 

So here you sat with Pepper after Tony was stabilized and put on bed rest as you have been for the past three hours, only stepping away to take your meds once. And so Rhodey had been the one to summon you to yet another meeting. Kissing the top of Tony’s hand, you placed it at his side, stood, and made your way to the door saying, “I’ll be back, okay? I promise.”

As everyone went back and forth for the nth time, you were tossing your prescription from one hand to the other, your gaze centered on Carol Danvers whilst having a completely different conversation with a newly minted ghost, for lack of a better word to describe a newly deceased person via Thanos dusting. 

The drugs could only do so much, especially when it came to those of a more stubborn nature, but it was far easier to deal with a few scores than trillions. The abrupt radio silence to you with the first rather large dosage also aided in your need for at least one hand on the wheel that is your own head, so there wasn’t nearly as much screaming as the first time around. Plus, you may have not been keeping to a strict schedule when it came to taking your meds.

Your new acquaintances fell silent and your prescription tossing came to a halt when the blip popped up on the map and both captains began insisting on everyone going to get the Infinity Stones and undo everything that had been done.

Then Bruce started arguing against the idea only for Carol, Rhodey, and Nat to beat you to the punch, the former making the ol’ “You didn’t have me” comeback. You then proceeded to roll your eyes at Thor’s little display of power/test whilst your acquaintances began to murmur amongst themselves of the possibility, place your prescription on the table, and say, “There isn’t just you along for the ride.”

Before Bruce could try to argue, you continued, “We need all the help we can get. The people he killed are rightfully pissed off, and there is a lot of a hell of ‘em. Who are we to deny them the right to help and attempt to reverse it? We need the numbers, they are more than willing, and it’s not like he can kill them again.”

“How do you know?” Rhodey asked, and so you responded, “I was supposed to take a pill three hours ago. They’ve been here the whole time.”

“Then how are you--”

“I’ve been weaning off of them since the day I woke up since there was a high probability that I would have to get used to it sooner or later.”

“So why didn’t you tell any of us this?” Nat asked, to which you sighed out, “Would you have let me go through with it if I did?”

The room fell silent, and so you snorted out, “Exactly,” before standing and walking towards the window, forming a magic circle and pushing it outward, the thousands of souls already surrounding the grounds making your friends’ jaws drop. 

You then continued, “Just give ‘em the order and they’ll follow through.”

“What about you, though? This has to be exhausting,” Steve said upon turning his gaze back onto you.

“Whatever it takes, right?” you responded with a shrug, and upon receiving the old familiar silence, continued, “All I need to do is bring them to the fight. They do the rest.”

“Your eyes are glowing again,” Nat pointed out, to which you muttered, “There’s always at least one side effect to power like this.”

“And glowing eyes are a lot more common than you think,” Danvers pointed out, to which you chuckled while your normal (e/c) returned, “I’m with Thor on this one. She’s a keeper.”

You then turned your attention onto the group as a whole and asked, “So are we going to kick this bastard’s ass and save the universe or what?”

Steve clasped a hand on your shoulder as he announced, “Let’s go get this son-of-a-bitch.”

You proceeded to gear up, meeting everyone else in the hangar. As you made your way into the ship, Steve placed a hand on your shoulder and said, “You don’t have to come, _____. I know that you want to stay with Tony.”

“With all due respect Cap, I was left out of the fight once already, and look where we all ended up,” you countered, and when he tried to interrupt, you continued, “Tony doesn’t need me in that room going stir crazy waiting for him to wake up, and Pepper doesn’t need the additional stress of me doing so. I need to do something rather than twiddle my thumbs. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Good. Now let’s get going.”

He nodded, and once the two of you boarded, you ignored Rocket’s warning that nobody better throw up in his ship. Once you were seated and strapped in for liftoff, you released the breath you feel like you’ve been holding all these weeks and closed your eyes, more than ready to bring everything back to normal.


End file.
